RIP Grandma...

[TakeTheLeap]

Today turned from one of the best days in a while to one of the worst days in a while in just a few short minutes. After having student taught and then going to my class, I pulled my phone out to check a voicemail from my mom. She said, "Do me a favor and call me as soon as you get back to your room. Don't call me while you're in your car." I immediately knew something was up. Once I got to my room, I called her and got some of the most heartbreaking news I've gotten in a while.

My grandma passed away today, age 79. She would have turned 80 on April 6th. They're not doing an autopsy to figure out cause of death - they're almost certain she had a massive heart attack, but she hadn't been complaining about being in pain (she's paralyzed on one side of her body, which might be why she didn't feel it). She joined my PopPop (her 1st husband) and GrandPop (her 2nd husband) in Heaven today, and I'm sure she's at peace... Finally, she's not suffering.

She's at peace, but I have to say I'm as far from it as humanly possible. It's been 10 years (almost to the day) since I saw her last. We live about 7 hours away from our family up north, so it's hard to go visit since we all lead busy lives. Unfortunately, I can't afford to miss 2 or 3 days of school to go up to NJ for her funeral, and I'm absolutely heartbroken. It hurts thinking that I won't be able to say goodbye. I know Grandma wouldn't want me to skip school for her (school's always been her top priority), but I can't help but think I need to be there...

It's odd, though... I don't usually think about Grandma conciously very much (because we live so far away), but over the past few days, I've spoken about her several times. Friday, I told the kids in my 2nd grade class about her. Saturday, my mom and I were apartment shopping and one of the apartments had cardgame nights, and I mentioned that Grandma taught me how to play cards and gamble (yeah, she was cool like that) when I was 10. I even mentioned something about her to one of my best friends at an event on Saturday evening. Then Sunday, my Aunt Lori sent me a message on facebook, asking if we could come up for Grandma's 80th birthday.
I can't help but think that it's not coincidence to have thought about her so much. It's SO weird and I feel like there MUST be some reason behind it.

I love you, Grandma. Even though we didn't see each other very much, we have so many good memories. I will treasure every one of them forever and ever. Despite the distance apart, you've always been close to my heart. I know you'll be right here with me, always.
All my love,
Em

[Maverick.]

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my grandma on my father's side a couple years ago. She was really unique. I had a very good relationship with her. We all did. She was very old fashioned. She didn't drink or smoke. She told it like it is. I remember my sister got her navel pierced, she would degrade her for weeks because of that. Our parents always worked, so she was the one who looked over me and my sister. I remember she would always cook for some reason. After my grandfather died, she became very depressed. She would using cooking as away to calm herself down. You name it, she would cook. Chicken, Cake, Brownies, Pasta, Casserole. When love ones die, you start to think of the things you really cherished the most about them. I can tell you really loved her. I know that you are going to miss her. I wish you and your family well.

[pixiesticks]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this, I just lost my grandma a few months ago. I know it's not easy, and that you feel terrible about not being able to make it up for the funeral, but maybe when you get some time off, you could go to her burial site and have your own little service, so you do have a chance to say goodbye. And this way it'll be a little more personal, and if you don't think you can do it alone, perhaps you could bring someone for support. Remain strong, thinks will get better.