General advice for anyone dealing with death

[dipka]

People may have noticed that I'm quite active in this section-this would be because I have recently lost someone close to me too. Iv found that when helping others I can relate to them, so I'm generally helping them from personal experiences. So now I have decided to write it down here, then I can simply use this link, rather than write the same thing repeatedly. I'm hoping to make this as useful as it can be so ill be going through all things I have written in the past and other sites I think are good, so you may see some changes to this for the next week or so while I make it the best it possibly can be!

So, what is grief?
It's a word used to describe anything you feel after someone has died. It can also be true for a pet or other animal, the process is still the same. Everyone will grieve after someone dies, even very young children. One of the most important things with children who are grieving is do not lie to them. Don't be tempted to say '___ is just sleeping and wont wake up' which may be easier than telling them the truth or expecting them to understand it. However hard it is to explain do it, they may not understand which is fine, but don't tell them the person is asleep, since it's likely to leave them feeling scared of going to sleep believing they may not wake up too.

Their is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to grieve, it's however you feel. Everyone grieves differently, so do not be ashamed to let out how you are feeling. It's also possible that you feel nothing at all which is also perfectly normal.
Some feelings you may expect are: Shocked, angry, guilty, scared, relieved, sad, depressed or numb. Of course their are many other feelings all of which are possible so please do not worry if you do not feel these things.
Their is also no 'right' or 'wrong' amount of time to grieve. Some people may not even grieve at all, but for others it may take years to get over the loss. Most people are somewhere in between.


And now I'm thinking you will want some things to help you deal with your loss, so here's my best tips. Some of them will work for you, other's wont. I'm just providing the ideas it's up to you if you use them or not.

Funeral
Everyone who dies will have a funeral, you could even have one for a pet too. A funeral can seam a scary thing and this may put you off going. Depending on the circumstance people can chose not to go but I would recommend that you do. A funeral is a way to help you accept that they have died, and are not coming back. It will also help you to think about the positive things in their life.

Write about how you feel
Don't be ashamed of how you feel (more on this below too) if you don't feel you are able to talk about it, write about it. I found that writing blogs was the perfect way for me to express how I felt. As with everything, it's different for everyone.

The Box/Book
What's helped me most is to create special things to remember the person that's died. A box can be filled with all sorts of things to remind you of happy times such as:
-photos of them
-photos of both of you
-something they gave you
-something that was theirs
Their are other things I'm sure you'll be able to think of.
A book can be used to write all your thoughts or feelings down, as a place to rant and get things off your chest or somewhere to be creative for the person that's died-it's up to you!
It's your choice if you chose a box, a book or both. But the idea behind them both is the same. Keep it safe and then whenever you are feeling sad, or miss the person take a look and it should fill you with happy memories of the person you lost

Talk to someone
Anyone! A friend, family member, teacher, someone online or offline or any professional if you have someone. You can also go to professional for dealing with death. Don't see it is a weakness, asking for help. It's not, asking for help is the right thing to do for everyone at some point in their life and if you have just lost someone their is no better time to need some extra advice.


I'm sure you'll be able to think of other things. If so please share them with me, they can then be added to this.
Id also like to provide you with some resources, so below are some other sites I have found that helped me, and a little explaining about each one. (these are all things I have used and are therefore from the UK, I apologise if they do not work for you)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/14394831
This is a special program all about death which has been made by newsround. It includes other people's stories and what they have done to deal with their loss.

http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/
This is an organisation called cruse. Their Webster has loads of information and they also offer a helpine and e-mail which allows you to talk to someone. They also have many other resources all on their website.

http://www.rd4u.org.uk/index.html
Cruse's site for children and young people called RD4U. Again this has an e-mail option which goes through to other trained young people and it has some fantastic resources which I recommend.

I thank you for reading this and I hope that you have learnt something from it. I also hope that it will help you to deal with your feelings. Please let me know if you have anything you would like to add or if you want someone to talk to I'm here.
I am also planning on writing a similar piece about facing death which I hope to do later today.
dipka