My mother.

[UltimateGirl]

08/10/1994, My birthday, Also the day my mom died,

My dad has always told me that its never my fault of what happen to my mother, but I will always say it is, no matter who tells me it is not. She died when I was born, So I do not know much about her, I didn't grow up with a mom, I lived with my dad, and my brother, till I was 9, when my dad got married, to my now step mother, which has not been the easiest thing to get used to, I've never really told anyone about my mom, because it is personal, and my friends, well, its not something I want them to know, I hide most of my feelings about all this, because I know nothing about her, my dad can't talk about her, sure I know what she looks like, and how old she was, but I don't know anything else, my brother was only very young so he can't really tell me much about her. I wish she was around to see me grow up, Though no one will tell me, what she was like, or what she did, how she was when she was a little girl, or what she went through at my age, all those things everyone talks to there mom about, the things you need a mom to explain to you, those girl things that you do not want to talk about with you dad, those awkward topics that sometimes you don't want to have with anyone but your mom, I didn't get that growing up, I still don't, yeah having a step mom is cool, but she is not my mom, and it won't change that I still don;t have someone to talk about those things with, it won't be here, my daddy knows that, it would be like talking to a stranger about them, Those things you just need to talk to your mom about, you just can't talk about it with anyone else, her mom is gone, and so is her dad, Way before I was born, So there is really no one I can talk to about any of it. I won't get to know what she was like, my dad won't let me in this room, at the back of the house, he can't go in there, he gets upset, my brother has been in it once, which I do not think is far, he told me there was all this stuff, pictures books, note books, all that stuff my mom kept, its in there, my dad couldn't put himself up to going in there and throwing it out, it has her diaries from when she was a little girl, to a few days before she had me, my dad has the door locked and only keeps the one key, he says that everything in there would hurt me, so I shouldn't see any of it, but that is just what I need, is to see all of that stuff, I tried to explain it to him, but hey, he is a guy, he doesn't understand teenage girls, and he never will.

( but hey, what father would understand there teenage girl anyways :P )

My dad thinks he is doing what is best for me, but knowing there are over 100 books in there that she wrote about her life in, and everything she went through, knowing he won't let me see any of it, because he doesn't know what i'm going through, because he knew my mom. Now my step mom trys to take my side, try's to get my dad to let me in there, and it only causes him to get mad, she does everything for me, try's so hard to make me like her for the past 7 years, and I like her, but she is not my mom, and I can not talk to her about any of it, she is a great person, and is perfect for my dad, and I like her trying to help me, But he still wont let me in, I'm a teenager, that wants to know her mother, Its hard

[dipka]

Hey, I sad that I would reply and I am doing

Well done for writing all that out, I imagine that it took you a lot of courage to say these things. So well done for doing so and doing in such a way that I can perfectly understand what you mean. I pertiqually loved the way you described the things you have neved had anyone to talk about with.

Originally Posted by UltimateGirl

those girl things that you do not want to talk about with you dad, those awkward topics that sometimes you don't want to have with anyone but your mom,

I can totally understand you there. I have a stepmum and family too, (i do still have my biological mother though) But I know the sort's of things that you meand and I have had problems with them at my dads/stepmums house, so I can empathise with you there.

But onto what you are mainly asking about which I belive is

Originally Posted by UltimateGirl

I'm a teenager, that wants to know her mother, Its hard

That single line above wich you wrote right at the end really touched me, I think it is beautifully writen.I still have both my Parents (or all threee as it were) so I cannot relate that far with you. I can understand how touch it must be to not know anything about your mum.

Having read your side of the story about this room full of your mum's thiings in I'm now really instested to hear it from your dad's side.
Have you ever talked to him honestly and openely about how you really feel with what he is doing? does he know that you feel this way. I think he needs to. I mean your 17 now and I think that's more than old enough to be able to learn more about your past, about your mother because you want to. Does your dad feel you are still too young to know?

I hope some of that help's you. I have ended up asking quite a lot of questions in there so please dont feel a need to answer them all, or even any of them if you dont want.
I just want you to know that I am more than willing to talk this through further with you if you would like to.

All the best
dipka

[It's Killing Me]

Hey,

I can't relate to you cuz I have never lost anyone and my both parents are with me. But I wanna help because I know it must hurt really bad to not know your mom at all.

I think first you need to get more closer to your step mom. Let her in. Let her help you. I will be hard. But I believe this would be what your mom would want. She would want you to grow up with all the motherly affection a teenage girl should get but she's not with you right now. So now, she would want your step mom to take her place in your life. By take her place, I am telling you to forget your mom and replace her with your step mom. What I am saying is that you should try to let your step mom try to give all the motherly care and advice you deserve. It will be hard but there's no fault in trying.

Regarding your Dad, I believe he has the best intentions in mind for you. I believe he has been very deeply hurt by your mom's death and he is still hurt by it and he doesn't want you to be hurt. That's all. You should sit down and talk with your dad. Tell him that this is what you need. You want to know your mom. Tell him everything patiently and calmly. Don't fight or anything. Make him realize your needs and what you deserve.

I hope I helped. Good luck