Triggering (Grieving): Missing her

[Kira-Kira]

Ok I hope this is the right place. I never mentioned this until it started just piling up and I needed to talk when I was 15 ibhad a baby girl Araceli she was born June 28 of 2009 she was the sweetest girl and looked like her daddy he killed himself before she was born unfortunately. She looked so much like him it was hard because when I was 12 I had an abortion then she got really sick and on April 23 of 2010 she died it hurt so much and when I brang it up I realized how I felt realived I wasn't hiding it from ppl other than my family but it also hurt because I haven't spoken of her since

[Audacious]

Wow. YOu sure have had a lot to go through! In the past few years, you've lost 2 babies, and somebody who I am assuming you had a relationship of some sort with, whether that be a sexual one or a loving one or just a friendship. Loss is so hard, especially when it keeps happening.

Let me start by saying I am very sorry for your losses. Have you had an opportunity to grieve? Did you participate in any funeral things? Did you recieve counselling after these losses? Sometimes it helps people who have lost a child to go through baby clothes...remember the smell, the good times, stuff like that. I know that might be super hard, so if you don't feel ready, don't push yourself. For me personally, I suffered a loss that was very important to me, and I LOVED going through the person's clothes and remembering the smells, remembering the day where that person would wear those clothes...etc.

Abortion clinics often have lots of information about post-abortion help centres. Things like counsellors or support groups. Maybe you can check that out. Even though it was so long ago, it is obviously still affecting you.

I'm glad you decided to open up about this. keeping silent is probably the worst thing you can do right now. Allow yourself to grieve openly and to express how you are feeling. Maybe, if you have nobody to talk to, you could find some kind of artistic or creative outlet for your emotions. You don't have to be "good" at art or drawing or music or anything, but it can be helpful.

There are many resources available to you. Check out books by Alan Wolfelt. They are called "healing your grieving heart". They have ones for teens, for adults, journals (prompts you to write and stuff), there is one for suicide, and there is also one for losing a child. It's called "healing a parent's grieving heart: 100 practical ideas after your child dies" Articles by Alan Wolfelt are a great resource too. He is an amazing man, and his literature helped me a lot when I was going through grief.

PM me anytime for extra help or support. I'm always here for you <3

Jenn

[Le bonheur*]

Wow, Coco. I am so sorry for both of your losses. I hope you found some sort of grieving counseling or something of that sort so you didn't go through this alone. Was your family supportive and helpful? I'm glad you are starting to open up about it. Keeping it in isn't good for you. Maybe you can get a memorial item set up for your daughter such as a bracelet, plaque, blanket, anything in her memory. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I'm here for you. Again, I'm sorry for your losses. <3

[Kira-Kira]

Thanks I will take those suggestion thanks guys been really hard

[Kira-Kira]

Sorry I didn't have time earlier but we didn't really have a funeral we did go bury her but that was about it. I did not go to counseling and I sleep with her baby blAnket that was mine and he first stuff animal still And I will look into counseling and I should prob go through some of her stuff

[snoogums]

wow... I can't even imagine what that would be like I am SO sorry for your loss. For all of them. do you mind if I ask... what exactly happened to her? I am so glad you will look into counseling it might be able to help.. Again I am so sorry for what you went through and I am glad you are able to talk a bit more about it now. It is good to remember I think.

[Kira-Kira]

She got sick with pneumonia and the grandparents her fathers parents didn't think it was that until it was just to late I would've rather given her to another family I didn't know if it meant to save her life o still regret the deaison today but I can't take it back