Missing Grandma

[nicky8694]

This may be long but i just feel like i need to get this off my chest. I have no clue how i even came across this site but i did. All my life, until the year 2009, i had been so extremely close to my grandma. She meant the world to me and she was like my second mother. My parents are bad alcoholics and anytime i ever needed anything all i had to do was call her. I felt like, and still feel like, she was the only person who ever truly cared for and loved me. We fought so much though. I mean i was a horrible, bratty kid. I would come stay with her for a month in the summer. Wed disagree constantly and fight way to much. Shed ask me to do things for her and i took my time about doing them. She loved playing cards, and whenever wed start a new game, id quit halfway through. She would get so angry with me. I took her for granted so much and i have so many regrets now. The last few weeks before she died were in June. She kept calling me and asking when i was coming to visit her and i kept replying "soon grandma, soon." I wasnt ready to come yet and now looking back i wish i would have been. In late June my grandpa called me saying she had been admitted to the hospital. I cried so hard that night at just the thought of losing her. After a few days though everyone assured me that her pneumonia was mild and that she would be out in a few days. Thats truly what everyone thought too. Until thursday night when the doctors told her family that she wouldnt make it. No one told me that night that she was passing though. And i hate them so much for it. I know she couldnt talk but the least they could was let me talk to her and tell her how much i truly loved and appreciated her. I dont think i told her enough. Thats when i got the call the next day from a friend in chicago. Why she had to call and tell me, i have no clue why. It kills me knowing i didnt get a chance to say goodbye. I broke down right then and cried the hardest i had ever cried in my life. I was like that for days and i felt so numb. Its been two years now and i still have days like that, atleast once a week where the pain is the same as the day i found out the news. I just wish she could be here for me now just so i could hear her voice one more time. I dont think anyone knows how much she really meant to me.

[Complete Love.]

Thanks for sharing this story. My aunt passed away about two years ago from cancer. I seen her die in the hospital bed... Man how I wish she was back.. I haven't talked to anyone about her after her death about how I feel and still completely haven't. It hurt me so much I feel like my insides are still tearing apart. Just want to say I know how you feel and what you're going through I'm still going through it right now. Stay strong.. Don't Lose hope.. Feel free to PM me anytime if you want someone to talk to. heres a hug for you because I know I needed one and no one gave it too me
- your not alone