Dad's Death

[Thatguy083]

So my dad died last year on December 3rd, it's getting to his anniversary. I did quite a bit of grieving and crying when I first found out last year. Now I'm sure how I'm going to be able to handle it this year, he wasn't the best dad but he loved me and my brother as much as he could.

He was a drug addict, drinker and smoker for most of his life, my parents were divorced when I was 6 and I got to see him on alternating weekends or whatever the court said. Then these last few years he kind of reverted to his old self, he got caught with his drugs by his current girlfriend and she kicked him out. My mom found out and didn't want him around us anymore, so we stopped seeing him. He was also suicidal. tried to kill himself a few times and he failed but then we found it he's schizophrenic and depressed on top of everything else.

I got a few chances to see him after all this was out in the open but I was scared to see him, I didn't know what would happen, if one little thing might set him off and we'd be in trouble. I really didn't know so I chose not to see him. I feel bad for making those decisions because then I found out he finally succeeded in his suicide attempts, on December 3rd.

I can already tell this year is going to be tough when the day comes around, I'm not sure what to do.

Any advice is appreciated.

[JKmadu619]

As much as we all wish it, there isn't an instruction manual on how to deal with grief.

If you think having fun with friends will help you that day, do it. If you going to school and distracting yourself will help, do it. If you think your family will help, do it.

On the other hand if you need the day off school, or you want to be alone and cry, that's fine too. You need to find how you personally cope and use it.

Do whatever feels right, and remember that although you never will completely "get over it" eventually the pain will dull, and each aniversery will get easier.

- Justin

[Iris. ♥]

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. Unfortunately, there's no perfect way to deal with grieving. You need to figure out what will work best for you. If you need to surround yourself with people to comfort you, do it. If you need to find something to do to distract yourself or to give you some time to think, try going for a run. If you really just want to take the day off and spend it alone to cry, shout, etc., then go for it. Do whatever will help you feel better.

Also, don't let yourself feel guilty. You chose not to see him because you were concerned about your safety. There's no reason to blame yourself for that. It's clear that you loved your dad, despite his faults. I'm sure he knew that and felt lucky to have you as a son. Always try to remember that he was very proud of you.

I know it's a cliche, but time truly does heal all wounds. While you will never completely get over the loss of your dad, each year will become easier to deal with.

Take care,
Sammi.

[witchita]

I hope you are ok. You have probably heard this a lot, I am so sorry for your lose Thatguy083.
Death is difficult, no matter if they are young or old its still hard to get over. And the worst part is, everyone will lose someone in their life.
I know its hard to think back at memories you shared with your dad when your parents have been divorced. But try to remember all the good times you and your brother shared with your dad on the weekends.

And remember that you are not alone.

Your Dad will always be looking down on you and your brother.

I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds
that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight
on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the
morning's hush
I am the soft uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft star that
shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there.
I did not die.
--- Anonymous