Triggering (Grieving): Guilt

[witchita]

Hi,
Now this is seriously personal, I have never told anyone this not even my family of bestest friend and thats why I feel like this has been getting more difficult to deal with.
Three months ago my Grandad unfortunatly passed away. The death of my only grandad has still not actually hit me, but when I do think back to that day I cant help put remember the morning it all happened.

That morning I hadan English exam so I was in a rush. My mom and dad had both left early to get to work and I was alone. I grabbed all of my stuff and was about to leave, it was 8am. the phone rang and I answered it, it was my Grandma. She told me that my Grandad was feeling very sick and she needs my dads number.
As soon as she said this I found it extremly odd, she already had my dads number. But in a rush, I gave it to her and then asked if my grandad was alright (like you would say to anyone who was ill). And she said "no, he said he doesnt think hes going to make it."
I was shocked, I can still hear her frail voice even now and it still haunts me.
The worst part is, I totally dismissed it and said something to reinsure her "Im sure he'll be okay", how stupid?
She was close to crying but I had to tell her that i needed to get to school for an exam, so I left for school. On the way I phoned my dad and told him to phone my dad.

My day had ended and I began walkign home, my dad came to pick me up. There was something odd with him. I asked him who Grandad was and in return he said "Pops passed away this morning."
I could have helped my grandad and grandma more, if I had gone to help instead of going to school maybe he would still be around today.
I feel so quilty, I will never ever be able to live with not helping them when they really needed me.

[Chris.]

Unfortunatly we often blame ourselves for something that has nothing to do with us. If you were to not go to school, and then went to see your grandfather, there would be NOTHING you could do. The only thing that you could possablity do is comfort. Since you are not a doctor, or a nurse I dont think that it would be possable for you to have done anything to save his life. To be honest, I think it is better that you did go to school. I think that if you went to wher eyour grandfather was, that you would be even more upset about it today. I think you would blame yourself even worse, and I think that you would have seen some brutal stuff that your grandfather was going through and you would be even more destroyed about it. You may have lost a realitive, but you gained an angel. I hope that you can eventually cope.

Best wishes,
Chris

[Squidgy]

I'm so sorry for your loss but as Chris said it's not your fault. After losing someone close to you it's easy to blame yourself but you have to remember there was nothing you could do. As sad as it is, it's a part of life. I hope you feel better. <3