Triggering (Grieving): Back to not coping again...

[alliannasmomma5]

Alright so 2 months and 2 weeks ago, my whole world came crashing down when I found my 6 month old baby girl dead in her crib. She had fallen asleep and passed away sometime in the night due to SIDS. I didn't handle it well in the beginning. I had stopped attending school and didn't leave the nursery. I just sat in the rocking chair staring at her crib. Eventually I started to cope and I went back to school and went to the counselors office twice a day to talk and make sure I was okay. I stopped going after like 2 weeks bc I thought I was ok. I had my mom lock the door to the nursery and I stopped spending day and night in there. But recently I have been really upset about it. I slept on the floor of nursery all this week and I'm crying alot again. I'm cutting again too... Im falling apart again and I don't even know what caused me to be like this again. I was doing so good. I applied to colleges, got my grades back to all A's and I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me to death. I should be happy right? Ughhhh I miss Allianna soo much! I didn't even to spoil her on Christmas or her birthday..

I want my baby girl back!!!

[Amberpamber]

Hunny I am so very sorry for your loss. I know you loved her dearly. Just remember she is always with you no matter what. Hang in there hun. You know I'm only a keystroke away if you ever wanna talk, i'm always available <3

[alliannasmomma5]

Thanks amber...

[klh94]

Mandi, I am so sorry for your loss. In situations like yours I don't really think that you can neccessarily "get over" it. Its more about learning to deal with the pain on a day to day basis until you can smile and say that you might just be okay again. If you ever need anything please feel free to send me a message and we'll talk okay? I really am so sorry for your loss.

[Chris.]

Sorry to hear about this - I think that you should go back to your councilors office and try to talk things out - I would also recommend having your mom lock the door again. I think things will look up once you get to college.

And yes, You should be happy that you have an amazing boyfriend, a great education, and that you are going to be the best you that you can be. Work hard for a great future. Allianna might not be physically here, but shes still here - and when you walk across that stage after college, and you get your first major job, and you build a family, she will still be with you, and she will be proud that you have made the best out of what you had to work with. Be happy that you have the things you have - be proud of where you will go.

Best wishes,
Chris

[alliannasmomma5]

Originally Posted by chrisjackson911

And yes, You should be happy that you have an amazing boyfriend, a great education, and that you are going to be the best you that you can be. Work hard for a great future. Allianna might not be physically here, but shes still here - and when you walk across that stage after college, and you get your first major job, and you build a family, she will still be with you, and she will be proud that you have made the best out of what you had to work with. Be happy that you have the things you have - be proud of where you will go.

Thanks Chris! That actually somewhat helped.

[Iris. ♥]

Hey there,
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss! I know I've never really had the chance to talk to you, but I know you loved your baby girl to pieces. Chris took the words right out of my mouth, but I'm going to re-state them anyways. She's not here physically, but she's in your heart. You'll always be able to carry your little angel with you, and she is smiling down on you! Think of how proud she is of you - you just got accepted to three major colleges. I'll bet she's looking down, thinking "That's my mommy. Yup. MINE." Remember, she's proud of you. You were both lucky to have each other, even if it was only for a short time. Feel free to VM/PM me anytime you want to talk. I'm always available to listen, talk, or sit in silence and let you say what you need to say.
Stay strong and take care of yourself, okay? <3
Sammi.

[alliannasmomma5]

Originally Posted by LovesBrokenDream

She's not here physically, but she's in your heart. You'll always be able to carry your little angel with you, and she is smiling down on you! Think of how proud she is of you - you just got accepted to three major colleges. I'll bet she's looking down, thinking "That's my mommy. Yup. MINE." Remember, she's proud of you. You were both lucky to have each other, even if it was only for a short time.

Thanks sooo much!!!

[Audacious]

Losing a child has been described to me as possibly one of the hardest losses you can go through. A mother should never have to burry their child, right?

I would like to offer the idea that locking the nursery may not be the best idea. Spending time in the place where you loved her so much might help the grieving process. There is a limit to everything though, you know? If it's causing you a lot of problems and you can't handle it and you are in the room every waking moment of every day for a prolonged period of time, that might be a concern and you might want to find something else to comfort you. I'm wondering if you sleep with her baby blanket or a teddy bear or something.
Did you hold your baby girl when you found her passed away? Did you spend some time with her and get to say goodbye? What was that process like, and do you think it helped?

There are groups available in some places specifically for mothers who lost children. Maybe you would like to consider looking for one.

Another thing that may help you is to make a special box just for her things. Special clothes, booties, hats, blankets, things like that. You can go through the box whenever you want and you wish to remember her. I'm sure some of her clothes still smell like her.

Another idea to always keep her close is to take all her baby clothes and have a quilt made out of them. Then you can sleep with that quilt, or even use it as a baby blanket for your next child. That baby will know always that his/her little sister was always with him/her.

Your beautiful baby girl is not gone. She is just missing in action for now. One day you will see her again and get to hold her. You are still a mommy. YOu are still a mommy. You are still HER mommy. She is still YOUR DAUGHTER and you will always have her as your baby girl.

This book may also help you: http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Parent...ref=pd_sim_b_7

Healing a parent's healing heart. 100 practical ideas after your child dies.
THis man is amazing. He writes lots of books on grieving, and helped me in a really profound way when my parent died.

Good luck, PM me ANYTIME. <3 Remember, you will always be a mommy.

[alliannasmomma5]

Originally Posted by LoveisLouder

A mother should never have to burry their child, right?

this is such a true statement!!!

Originally Posted by LoveisLouder

i would like to offer the idea that locking the nursery may not be the best idea. Spending time in the place where you loved her so much might help the grieving process. There is a limit to everything though, you know? If it's causing you a lot of problems and you can't handle it and you are in the room every waking moment of every day for a prolonged period of time, that might be a concern and you might want to find something else to comfort you.I'm wondering if you sleep with her baby blanket or a teddy bear or something.

i was spending every second in there either sitting on the rocking chair or laying on the floor with her blanket. it was all i was doing. i was missing school and not locking myself in the nursery so nobody would bother me. i was going days without eating at all because i just didn't care about anything.

Originally Posted by LoveisLouder

Did you hold your baby girl when you found her passed away? Did you spend some time with her and get to say goodbye? What was that process like, and do you think it helped?

when i went to wake her up, she was gone. i wrapped her blanket around her, put her bear in her arms and held her in my arms until my mom caught on to the fact that all i was doing was crying with my baby girl dead in my arms.

Originally Posted by LoveisLouder

Another thing that may help you is to make a special box just for her things. Special clothes, booties, hats, blankets, things like that. You can go through the box whenever you want and you wish to remember her. I'm sure some of her clothes still smell like her.

Another idea to always keep her close is to take all her baby clothes and have a quilt made out of them. Then you can sleep with that quilt, or even use it as a baby blanket for your next child. That baby will know always that his/her little sister was always with him/her.

Your beautiful baby girl is not gone. She is just missing in action for now. One day you will see her again and get to hold her. You are still a mommy. YOu are still a mommy. You are still HER mommy. She is still YOUR DAUGHTER and you will always have her as your baby girl.

This book may also help you: http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Parent...ref=pd_sim_b_7

Healing a parent's healing heart. 100 practical ideas after your child dies.
THis man is amazing. He writes lots of books on grieving, and helped me in a really profound way when my parent died.

Good luck, PM me ANYTIME. <3 Remember, you will always be a mommy.

thanksssssss!

[Audacious]

I hope I was able to be of some help to you. Remember, you can PM me anytime.

[alliannasmomma5]

You were actually a big help. And the quilt idea, I already accomplished that. Finished it today actually during my sewing class.

[Audacious]

That's so great. I lost a parent, and I just recently recieved her clothing from my grandfather...We're in the process of making a quilt.
I'm glad I was able to help.

[alliannasmomma5]

Awee. I'm sorry for your loss. I'd really lose it if I lost my mom or dad bc I'm really close wit them. But making a quilt is already fun but having a specific reason makes it that much better.

And you did help me. All the suggestions and just the advice. I really really appreciate it.

[Audacious]

It's no problem.

And yeah it was hard to lose a parent. I can imagine it being harder to lose a child though. I guess it's all about the relationship.
I can't make quilts...I need to find somebody who can make it for me because I don't have that skill. There's somebody at school who makes quilts though so I might hire her haha.
You must be very skilled to be able to make one yourself!

[alliannasmomma5]

I have fashion fabrics class at my school which is like sewing class. Lol so I learned how to make it there.

[Audacious]

Skill I can only hope to have ! haha. Good on you !

[alliannasmomma5]

Lol aweee! Haha thanks