Triggering (Grieving): Thoughtful... (pregnancy loss mentions)

[Amour ♡]

So today as I was setting up my TeenHelp signature (I am a new member btw), I decided to add some tickers. I added my soon-to-be-fiance and I's date for our second anniversary, and found myself adding in our baby's loss date on one too... I want to forget about it. I want to reverse back to the days when nothing to do with children or pregnancy had happened to me... I wish I could let go of the fact I was pregnant and subsequently lost the child... but it clings to my head everyday, not showing any sign of disapearing.
I blame myself for losing our child. I started smoking again (before realising), I was too unwell mentally for my body to cope at the time, and sometimes I probably still am if it were to happen again.
I am on the injection now, so the chances of it happening again are slim, until I perhaps SOMEDAY come off of contracption. Idk, I just wish I could of either carried on with the pregnancy, or it never of happened.
:S

This post is just a rant really, feel free to ignore if you wish.

[escape_thereal_world]

Hey sweetheart, try not to blame yourself. Miscarriages are random sometimes. Smoking MIGHT have caused it....but I just find it so unlikely. My mother smoked while pregnant with my sister and me, and we both are here. I think it's bad to smoke while pregnant, and it could cause later defects, but I've not personally heard any cases where it caused a miscarriage. I know it can cause it, but again - I know so many people who have smoked while pregnant and their babies are healthy.

Either way...it happened. You didn't mean for it. It's hard to deal with the loss of a child without feeling like it was your fault. If you believe in God, just remember He wanted another angel baby up there with Him. If you don't believe in God, then...

I'm here to talk with you if you want. I lost my baby just a week before yours, apparently. I don't know what caused my miscarriage. I still blamed myself. I tried to forget it happened, which worked for one month. Then it hit me hard and I realized I will never forget.

I embraced it and now I celebrate my baby as often as possible. On holidays I light a candle, say a prayer, and I also talk to her often. I say her because I had dream it was a girl. On the one year anni my boyfriend and I will be doing something very special, but haven't figured out what.

Is your boyfriend supportive? Having support is a GREAT help. My boyfriend and a friend are the only ones who supported me. My family doesn't want to accept it.

Anyways, sorry for the ramble. Hope this helps a bit. Seriously though, PM me if you need/want to talk.

[Amour ♡]

Originally Posted by escape_thereal_world

Hey sweetheart, try not to blame yourself. Miscarriages are random sometimes. Smoking MIGHT have caused it....but I just find it so unlikely. My mother smoked while pregnant with my sister and me, and we both are here. I think it's bad to smoke while pregnant, and it could cause later defects, but I've not personally heard any cases where it caused a miscarriage. I know it can cause it, but again - I know so many people who have smoked while pregnant and their babies are healthy.

Either way...it happened. You didn't mean for it. It's hard to deal with the loss of a child without feeling like it was your fault. If you believe in God, just remember He wanted another angel baby up there with Him. If you don't believe in God, then...

I'm here to talk with you if you want. I lost my baby just a week before yours, apparently. I don't know what caused my miscarriage. I still blamed myself. I tried to forget it happened, which worked for one month. Then it hit me hard and I realized I will never forget.

I embraced it and now I celebrate my baby as often as possible. On holidays I light a candle, say a prayer, and I also talk to her often. I say her because I had dream it was a girl. On the one year anni my boyfriend and I will be doing something very special, but haven't figured out what.

Is your boyfriend supportive? Having support is a GREAT help. My boyfriend and a friend are the only ones who supported me. My family doesn't want to accept it.

Anyways, sorry for the ramble. Hope this helps a bit. Seriously though, PM me if you need/want to talk.

Thank you for the support. I am on my way to embracing it, however it is taking a while. My Other half is very supportive... well, as supportive as he can be. I will PM you later, thank you for the reply, it means a lot xo

[Le bonheur*]

Hey

Kelly pretty much said everything I wanted to say but I also wanted to add on that I'm always here if you'd like to talk about your miscarriage too. I lost two babies to miscarriage; one in December of 2009 & one in July of 2011. It took a toll on me but I'm much better now so whenever you need someone, I'm here. Also, it's great that your OH is supportive. It's always good to have the other parent of the Angel there to help you get through it.

Take care. <3 xxxx

[Amour ♡]

Thank you ladies It's nice to know I am not alone with what I have experienced...
I'm glad to hear you are both coping well with it too. x

[Audacious]

Hey there.

Do not blame yourself for the loss of your baby. It isn't your fault ! You obviously loved her very very much (is it safe to assume girl seeing as your ticker is pink?) and you miss her. It's okay to be grieving still! I've said times before to other users...a parent should never have to say goodbye to their child. It's pain that is so unique. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this.

Are you getting any counselling or other supports ? There are loads of supports out there for mothers who have lost babies. Have you looked into any support groups?

Alan Wolfelt (one of my favourite authors on grief) has a book called healing a parent's grieving heart. You may want to check it out. It's practical ideas on how to cope with grief.

Having a ticker is a great way to remember your baby. Remembering is really hard sometimes, but one day you'll be glad that you do things to honour her.

Take care, PM me if you need <3

Jen

[Amour ♡]

Thank you for the reply
We like to believe our baby was female It's nice to give the baby a gender to remember them by, even if we never knew.
I have discussed it with my doctor a few times, the whole group idea, but so far I haven't felt SO BAD that I can't cope because of my loss. I just mostly feel numb on the subject, or thoughtful and thinking constant 'what if i did it differently'. I feel better about her today, so I feel I am gradually becoming more accepting of our loss. x

[Squiggly]

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. I understand how upsetting and terrible that would be . You shouldn't blame yourself though. It could have happened no matter what and it happens to a lot of people. It is a really sad thing to happen and hard to handle afterwards. But I believe that it is nice to remember them .

[Amour ♡]

Thank you sweetie, that's very kind of you.

[Audacious]

Hey there. Just checking in, how are you doing? Have you tried any of the suggestions that people have offered you? Do you feel better with the replies you have gotten?

[msfsteven]

My mother had a miscarriage about two years before I was born.
It was definitely random, although I don't know all of the facts.
I doubt it was your fault, I also doubt smoking caused it.
GOOD LUCK with any future pregnancies, just be careful.
You're a good mom You are a great mom!