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Death and Grieving Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Little Lion Man
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It's been two years and I'm still not okay. - January 3rd 2012, 02:46 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Almost two and a half years ago, my cousin Nikki died of cancer. We were really close, more like sisters, really. I'm still not okay though... I mean, it's better than it was before, but every once in a while (like about right now) I just get really sad and cry and stuff... And then I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because it's been two years, and well, don't people expect you to be over it after that long? Especially since she was just my cousin? I just feel like that's what people think when I do actually bring it up...



Sorry I couldn't be there, I was tied to a rocking chair.


   
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Re: It's been two years and I'm still not okay. - January 3rd 2012, 04:17 AM

Hey there.

The first thing I want to say is that there is NOTHING wrong with you.
Grief takes different amounts of time for different people. No matter what other people might say, this is very real for YOU. And that's what matters. People cannot tell you to get over it or that you should be doing anything about this or that you should be over it. It happens differently for everybody.

Are there times in your life where you don't think about your cousin or when you are happy and when life feels normal again? Do the good times happen more often than the grief, or does the grief happen more than the good times?

Have you tried talking to your aunt and/or uncle? Nikki was their daughter, right? They may have been closest to her, and may also be grieving as you are. They might be people who are able to help you with your grief, and may be good people who are willing to talk to you about Nikki. Which brings me to my next point:

Talking about her is not bad. Do not be afraid to upset people by talking about her. Afterall, she's still your cousin. She isn't there physically, but she will always be your cousin. She will always be her parents' child. I can imagine it was hard over the holidays, did you and your family talk about her over Christmas?

Have you considered talking to her? Even though she isn't there physically, she is in your heart. You can talk to her anytime you want to...and maybe you will be able to hear her talk back to you in your heart. You can tell her how much you miss her and anything else you want to. You might even want to write her a letter and tell her everything you feel about her leaving.

There are also lots of resources and groups available for people who have lost loved ones to cancer. You may want to contact a cancer treatment centre in your area or a hospital and find out what they can offer you.

Take care, and PM me anytime.

Jen


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Re: It's been two years and I'm still not okay. - January 3rd 2012, 12:53 PM

Hey there is absolutely nothing wrong at all with still being sad after 2 years! It doesn't matter that she was "only" your cousin I think that cousins are important and I happen to be quite close with many of my cousins. It is harder for some people than others and it is ok to cry and miss her every once in a while. My Uncle who lived with us for quite a few years when I was younger I was really close to him and he died 4 years ago I cry quite often over him still. So there it is perfectly normal and okay and I am sure that your family would understand.
   
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Little Lion Man
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Re: It's been two years and I'm still not okay. - January 3rd 2012, 06:02 PM

Thanks, guys. It really means a lot.

To answer LoveisLouder: There's more good than grief, and things are "normal" majority of the time. So I guess that's a good thing. My uncle divorced my aunt before I was born, so I have no contact with him, and my aunt... well, it's almost like her and her sons pretend that the whole thing never happened. I talk to my dad about it sometimes, and that does help, though he didn't really know her. I do write her on Facebook often, I'm really happy they decided to keep it up.



Sorry I couldn't be there, I was tied to a rocking chair.


   
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Re: It's been two years and I'm still not okay. - January 3rd 2012, 11:44 PM

I'm glad they decided to keep it up, as well that sounds like it's really helpful.
Behind closed doors, I doubt they can pretend it didn't happen.

It's nice to hear that there are more good times than bad. I guess it's just up to deciding how to deal with the bad times. You can't push it away though. Feelings are good and if you push them away, it will get worse.


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