Triggering (Suicide): me and death

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

So I do not take death very well AT ALL. Like even though I am a Christian and thus believe that any Christian friends/family I lose are in a better place I still take it VERY hard to the point that sometimes I do not even want to go to visitation when people die because I am scared that I will break down and cause them to, as well. There has been at LEAST one time it has gotten so bad I have wanted to follow them (commit suicide). I have to do something, since I can not live/behave that way EVERY time someone I know or know of dies.

[blumemusik♫]

If this is the way you feel, there's probably not a lot we can say to make you feel any better.

You do know that they're now in Heaven, so it's better for them. You also know that they don't age or anything while they're there, and that one day you will join them, so there's no need to make that any sooner!

Part of being human is the emotions we feel, and part of being emotional is the grieving process. For some it lasts a while, but we do get through it, and whilst we never truly heal, it does become less drastic.

Have you tried grief counseling or similar? It might help you deal with these emotions in a more healthy way. Also, if you love God, you'll trust his decision to take your loved ones out of this world when their time comes. And one day, you will see them again. Just don't resort to killing yourself just to see them sooner.

I hope things get better!
~Kate

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

Originally Posted by asthenophobia.

If this is the way you feel, there's probably not a lot we can say to make you feel any better.

You do know that they're now in Heaven, so it's better for them. You also know that they don't age or anything while they're there, and that one day you will join them, so there's no need to make that any sooner!

Part of being human is the emotions we feel, and part of being emotional is the grieving process. For some it lasts a while, but we do get through it, and whilst we never truly heal, it does become less drastic.

Have you tried grief counseling or similar? It might help you deal with these emotions in a more healthy way. Also, if you love God, you'll trust his decision to take your loved ones out of this world when their time comes. And one day, you will see them again. Just don't resort to killing yourself just to see them sooner.

I hope things get better!
~Kate

thanks I am wondering though WHY it can take so long I mean like the guy I wanted to follow died 3.5 years ago and every year starting in about March (died in June) I start well wanting to maybe follow him to the day well one year it may actually happen.

[SummerSoliloquy]

Hi Emily,

Death is a very scary concept, even for believers. I think when confronted with death, a lot of people begin to question the meaning of life, why we suffer, and even wish to follow their loved ones. Death is incomprehensible. We can't fathom being here and then being gone just like that. And the fact that is incomprehensible is part of what makes it so upsetting. You're not alone in feeling this way.

I try to think about life rationally, because that's just how I am: I reason my way through things. I personally choose to think of death as a graduation of sorts. Life is full of milestones and moving from one part into another. I personally believe that like graduating from high school into college, transitioning from life to the 'afterlife' (or Heaven, or whatever you wish to call it) is earned. When I feel as though I want to follow people who have died, I look at all the good I still have here, and I know that life has a purpose. I need to continue on, meet life's challenges, and come to that final transition when I come to it. The people who have passed on before me have somehow fulfilled their purposes, and I need to fulfill mine before passing on.

I am not trying to imply that suicide is somehow a 'sin' and people who commit it are punished. I do not believe that in the slightest. Thinking of life and death this way simply makes the most sense to me and it brings me the most comfort. I thought I'd share it with you in case it helped. I'd also encourage you to try to dwell on and remember the happier aspects of a person's life. Do things in remembrance for the person. This can help you to both feel closer to this person and to gain closure.

Have you spoken to anyone about your feelings about death and suicide? I'd encourage you to talk to someone you trust about this. People want to help you and see you through this. Have you considered counseling? I know that I'm in therapy and coping with death has been something my therapist and I have discussed before.

I hope this helps! Hang in there!

[Audacious]

Adding to what Kylie has said, have you ever considered talking to somebody at your church about this? A spiritual leader or mentor? You could even try praying to God about this, and ask him to calm your fears.

As far as suicide goes...God is fair and just. He sees the hearts of his children deeper than anybody else can, and he makes fair and just decisions when people die. Trust in Him.