Triggering: I can't believe you're gone...

[WhySoSerious?]

I blame myself so much, and I probably should, I'm sure I'm not the only one.

I'm not sure what to think... I know I'm not even entitled to make a thread or a post like this, we'd grown apart so much lately, I know your family must hurt so much more than I could even imagine. We had our differences, and I wasn't there to support you over these last difficult months like I should have...I'm so sorry... I can't stand knowing that you're gone, we're a whole world apart and somehow even this continent -this city especially- feels so much more empty knowing you're not out there somewhere.

I can't make it seem real, I stare at all the comments on your wall and I wish you realized how many people cared about you... I recognize so many names from you mentioning people in passing, I can't believe you never noticed just how many lives you touched. This world feels like it's breaking apart without you. I hope somewhere you are out there, smiling at all the kind words being said about you. And I'm going to stare at your Facebook page, just waiting for you to pop on and tell me and everyone that it's all a misunderstanding... Because there's no way you could really be gone :/

<3 This world didn't deserve you, Peter, but it's going to miss you anyway.


(I dunno whether this post will get deleted or not... Maybe a letter doesn't fit the criteria for a Grieving post... but I wanted to make it anyway :/)

[theatre=life]

It wasn't your fault. I too blame myself. You are entitled to make that post, no matter how much you have grown apart you were a huge part of his life for a good bit of time. I'm right there with you as many of us are thinking this cant be real. It doesn't seem right that he wont ever speak to us again. He definitely didn't know how many people he touched in his short life. He is watching over all of us. He is our guardian angel.

If you EVER want someone to talk to I'm here for you. I know we didn't really talk before but it doesn't change anything. PM me if you want to talk.

[Dez]

I agree that it wasn't your fault. I have had to try moving past blaming myself as well, actually. Try to think of the good memories that you two had together, even though the time you two had may have been short. Laugh a little, if you can, about some of the funny things that happened. Just remember the good, not the bad.

[Revolution]

I know exactly how you feel. I feel completely responsible. I don't even know how to handle this... <3 He was one of ym best friends. I wasn't there. I'm sorry Peter.

[♥ Choir. ♥]

It's no one's fault, but I know that we all wish that we could have talked to him, known what he was going to do. I know that I do. I wish I had gotten to know him better, not just talk to him in passing. I love you Peter, we all do. I hope that wherever you are now, you know this and can see it with open eyes. We all miss you. ♥

[dr2005]

I know how you feel - when something like this happens, it's so difficult to make sense of and there is the temptation to post-rationalise it in terms of what we did or didn't do. If nothing else, it helps us to try and get a handle on what has happened. The most important thing to remember, however, is that no matter how strongly your head or heart says otherwise it was not your fault. What happened happened, for reasons we will never truly understand, and while it is very easy to beat ourselves up over what we could or should have done that is hindsight talking, and all it does is give us a rod to beat ourselves with - and that is not what Peter would have wanted. From what I have learned about him over the last week, I feel it is safe to say that Peter would be absolutely horrified to think his friends, people who showed him love and support and to whom he did likewise, were beating themselves up over his death. The fact that you feel so strongly in grief shows you did give him that during his life, and when all is said and done that is what counts. Hold onto that in the weeks ahead, and remember him for how he lived and who he was - your friend. The rest will take care of itself.

[WhySoSerious?]

I just wanted to thank you guys for the really understanding responses... I honestly was afraid to look on the page thinking I'd be flamed or deleted or something. I guess I just expected everyone to blame me as much as I blamed myself. Thank you for not confirming my fears...