Is it weird that a friend of mine just died today, yet..

[Jooji]

I do not feel enough sorrow to grieve, or to even begin gathering tears in my eyes.
She makes number 34.
34 people who were close to me, related by blood, or lovers, have died in the most recent years.
The number, itself, is twice the number of years I've been alive.
So I'm not sure if it's because so many have died that I care for, or what.
But it's bloody confusing, shouldn't I at least feel...sad?

[Chris.]

I think that you have gone through heartbreak, sadness, pain, so much within your life that people who now pass on have no emotional effect on you.

Don't feel bad - I rarely cry when someone I know passes; and everyone deals with feelings different ways. We also grow into new emotions. We may cry when people die at age 7, but when we turn 17 it has no effect. Emotions can change over a period of time.

So to answer your question: I cant give you a real answer because I don't know how you deal with things on an emotional level. Nonetheless, don't MAKE yourself upset. If you aren't sad, then you aren't sad - we all deal with things on our own emotional, mental, and physical level.



Best wishes,
Chris

[Jooji]

Thank you for the explanation. I figured as much, but, I've been told self-diagnosis on a psychiatric level is always a bad idea, ya know?
Sometimes I even just skip the sadness and go straight to anger, which is slightly concerning but...not so much due to it actually being an /emotion/.

[escape_thereal_world]

It's not uncommon, actually. One explanation could be as Chris explained. You've experienced so much pain and grief already.

Or, it could be shock.

Anger IS a form of grief, by the way. Some people get sad then angry, then heal. Some do vice versa. Whereas, some even just get angry and stay angry. Everyone grieves differently. As we grow, we will change the way we grieve.

So, I wouldn't worry about it. You are grieving in your own way, and that's okay.

[Jooji]

Danke, I'm aware that anger is a form of grief, it's just usually my grief process would be sadness, then only if I do not show the sadness it would later become anger. It usually didn't just go straight to anger.
I'm honestly not shocked, really. My life is full of, well, death. So the shock thing...doesn't really exist for me any more.
But thanks, it's good to know others are in agreement. (:

[αγάπη]

I agree with what others said, I just thought I should put my two cents in.
When Peter died on here, it took me a day or so to feel anything. It was probably some kind of shock or numbness, which is what you might be going through. I really don't know, because I'm not you. You are not experiencing anything abnormal. People grieve and cope in different ways. hang in there, and you can PM me if you ever want to talk.

[Jooji]

Danke for your reply (: And I shall hang in there.
Like a monkey.