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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 9th 2012, 09:57 AM

Growing up, I've always been a little on the shy side, but I opened up pretty fast. When I entered middle school I started getting picked on every day for my nose. I was called birdbeak, a witch, jew, basically everything you can think of that had a big nose. I remember in 6th grade I wrote a note to my crush asking him out & he said no because I had a big nose. I sat in class crying my eyes out & nobody cared. They just sat there & ignored me. My face was bright red & I was hypervenelating. Eighth grade was the worst when it came to teasing. I was being attacked by everyone. They all laughed & no one stood up for me. My mom was going through a divorce with my abusive stepfather so it was already a very tough time for me. I became depressed, confused, and alone. I developed anxiety & had attacks because I was so afraid of people making fun of me. I failed 8th grade & when I went to high school it was better, but not much better. I was called names sometimes, not as much as the years before, but I constantly feared everyone. I walked down the street & people yelled "Jew" out their car windows. I stayed in the house as much as I could to avoid being teased. I had a small group of friends and they accepting me the way I was. I'm so thankful for that. I stopped trying to get boyfriends after I was rejected so many times....
This made me have such low self esteem. I never thought highly of myself because others made me feel so small. I grew up being put down when I should have been lifted up. No one stuck up for me & that's why if I see someone getting picked on I refuse to stand back and watch.



This year is when I had the final straw, however. I got surgery on my nose because I'm tired of living in fear of people making fun of me for it. People told me I was beautiful, that I didn't need that done. "You're beautiful the way you are." I would never feel beautiful until I fixed that flaw. & to tell you the truth, I do feel better about myself, but not nearly as much as I expected. People compliment me & I hear those words buzzing in the back of my head telling me I'm not. Words can change a person's life for better or for worse. It's up to us to change lives for the better. I wish someone would have done that for me when I needed it most.


Does anyone have advice on how to feel better about myself? It's led to other issues that I won't get into, but I want to finally be confident.


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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 10th 2012, 06:08 AM

You don't have to change yourself for people, you know that right? When you do that, you let them win in a sense. They see that their words and abuse DID effect you, so much that you listened. Sometimes then the bullying gets even more merciless. You don't live for other people, you live for yourself. I am a 1000 percent believer in being your own person, no matter what people say. Sometimes the right and best ways to do things are the hardest. Thats how you know they are the right things to do because nothing worthwhile is ever easy. What I mean by this is the way they treat you, its obviously not easy. But in order to stay yourself and beat them, you gotta not listen or change on their behalf. In the long run, all these people will not matter. They don't even matter now but just think years from now, you prob won't even remember their names, nor will they remember yours. Only other thing I can say is if you still go to this school and have these people to deal with, tell someone of authority. Don't let it go unnoticed because people that do this SHOULD get punished. By doing so, you may be helping someone else too because I can promise you, you are not the only one they do this to. I know you are a strong girl and I know you can make this work. Continue to try harder than you ever have before to accept yourself and not see what others may see.


   
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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 10th 2012, 08:05 AM

f*ck what people think !
You have to love yourself before anyone else can.
Be happy with who you are ! (:
this is what i always tell myself - whats the point of living if everyone looks & acts the same?
you're unique, embrace it !
stand up, shoulders up & head high (:
People will put other people down and pick on them regardless of what they look like.
I've heard girls call other girls 'fat' when clearly they are more over weight than the person they have said it too.
If someone picks on you about something they dont like about you, its their problem not yours. People usually say sh*t to other people like that when they have very low self esteem so think they can bring their's up by tearing other people down .
DON'T LET THEM WIN! (:
P.m me if you need anything at all (:


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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 10th 2012, 08:18 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by minniemouseprincess View Post
You don't have to change yourself for people, you know that right? When you do that, you let them win in a sense. They see that their words and abuse DID effect you, so much that you listened. Sometimes then the bullying gets even more merciless. You don't live for other people, you live for yourself. I am a 1000 percent believer in being your own person, no matter what people say. Sometimes the right and best ways to do things are the hardest. Thats how you know they are the right things to do because nothing worthwhile is ever easy. What I mean by this is the way they treat you, its obviously not easy. But in order to stay yourself and beat them, you gotta not listen or change on their behalf. In the long run, all these people will not matter. They don't even matter now but just think years from now, you prob won't even remember their names, nor will they remember yours. Only other thing I can say is if you still go to this school and have these people to deal with, tell someone of authority. Don't let it go unnoticed because people that do this SHOULD get punished. By doing so, you may be helping someone else too because I can promise you, you are not the only one they do this to. I know you are a strong girl and I know you can make this work. Continue to try harder than you ever have before to accept yourself and not see what others may see.


Thank you for your reply!! I'm out of school now, I graduated in 2011 & when I was getting teased I did go to the principal about it & she didn't even suspend anyone or anything. She just told the one kid to stop & the next day in class he said to me "You told on me!" It hurt me because these days bullying is taken more seriously & then I dreaded going to school every day & pretended to be sick just so I wouldn't have to deal with it. I know what I did might be considered fake to some people, but I didn't see any other solution. It made me feel so self conscious & ugly. Not many people noticed anyway so I'm sure it was just something I had to do to for myself. Thank you for your kind words


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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 10th 2012, 08:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by xGothicXvampireXeternityx View Post
f*ck what people think !
You have to love yourself before anyone else can.
Be happy with who you are ! (:
this is what i always tell myself - whats the point of living if everyone looks & acts the same?
you're unique, embrace it !
stand up, shoulders up & head high (:
People will put other people down and pick on them regardless of what they look like.
I've heard girls call other girls 'fat' when clearly they are more over weight than the person they have said it too.
If someone picks on you about something they dont like about you, its their problem not yours. People usually say sh*t to other people like that when they have very low self esteem so think they can bring their's up by tearing other people down .
DON'T LET THEM WIN! (:
P.m me if you need anything at all (:

I envy people with that kind of attitude! I've gotten better at it since the change I made..I'm not as self conscious as I used to be & I'm not afraid of people saying anything to me anymore. I hope to one day not care what people think of me. Hopefully soon


When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

   
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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 10th 2012, 12:47 PM

It's been a long time since I gave half shit for anyone talking crap and being an asshole. They're just not worth my attention. Too immature, too stupid... so beneath me. I don't usually think of myself as someone "better" than others, but with people like that, that's exactly what I do. And that attitude shows in my body language, and sometimes it has really pissed some people off. Nobody likes to be totally ignored and/or told that they're a lowlife. That's kind of what I do, without even saying it.

They're not worth your attention either.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.



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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 10th 2012, 01:05 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I got bullied for having a big nose and an overbite in school. I have considered having a nose job and corrective surgery on my jaw.

It took me a while to accept myself but I think I finally have. We all look different. If we all looked the same life would be incredibly boring and weird. Even identical twins have some minor differences.

People typically bully others because they are the ones with problems. They have the need to make others feel bad to make themselves feel better. You haven't got that problem, you're a better person than them.

Also, I just looked at your photos you've uploaded. You're gorgeous. I don't normally say this but it wouldn't surprise me if they were bullying you because they were jealous :|

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I love your hair here <333


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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 10th 2012, 03:41 PM

Thanks for the reply, BDF. You make it sound so easy, lol. You're right, though..there's no reason for anyone to treat others that way. I'm more sensitive, though. I take everything to heart..even at work when I get a rude customer I think "Why are they like that?" There's no explaining those types of people. They are that way & they can change themselves, but they won't. My feelings just get hurt easily..I know what you're saying. My fiance tells me to tell people off, but I can't because I'd probably end up crying or something haha so I just keep my mouth shut about it all.


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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 10th 2012, 03:45 PM

Hey Ceilidh (beautiful name!) I'm glad you accepted yourself because I know that's something I probably wouldn't have been able to do. It's nice to hear from someone who knows where I'm coming from. Thank you so much<33 I look a lot different now then I did then. I was in what I like to call "my awkward years" when I was getting teased a lot.


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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 10th 2012, 05:28 PM

Same. I was bullied back when I had greasy hair and more pimples. The joys of puberty, eh? -____- I was also a LOT shyer in school. I speak to new people a lot more now.


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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 10th 2012, 07:34 PM

It depends what situation I'm in. If there's a lot of people I'm more quiet. I'm fine when I'm talking to a small group or one person. I still never speak in classes & I'm in college. Some people tell me they thought I was stuck up before they started talking to me. So weird, lol. I'd just rather blend in & not have everyone stare at me. I never understood why I'm like that.


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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 10th 2012, 10:44 PM

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Originally Posted by Honey Muffin View Post
Thanks for the reply, BDF. You make it sound so easy, lol.


It comes with practice and self control. There have been many times before when I've felt like tearing someone's head off, especially in secondary school.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Honey Muffin View Post
You're right, though..there's no reason for anyone to treat others that way. I'm more sensitive, though. I take everything to heart..even at work when I get a rude customer I think "Why are they like that?" There's no explaining those types of people. They are that way & they can change themselves, but they won't. My feelings just get hurt easily..I know what you're saying. My fiance tells me to tell people off, but I can't because I'd probably end up crying or something haha so I just keep my mouth shut about it all.
Rude customers, or rude anyone, are usually like that to everyone, so it's not personal. There really aren't that many people who do it on purpose deliberately to hurt other people. Even with bullies... they just don't understand the full consequences of their actions because they're either too stupid or immature. It's their problem more than yours so don't spend too much energy trying to figure those people out or change them, unless they're a friend or relative of yours that you care about.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.



Last edited by BDF; November 10th 2012 at 10:52 PM.
   
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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 11th 2012, 08:37 AM

Yeah I've come to realize that after working with the public for a few years. I just laugh it off anyway. They're too busy taking their own frustrations out on everyone else so that's their own problem.


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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 11th 2012, 03:41 PM

One of my friends is VERY similar to you. Now bear with me for a minute. She hates her nose because it is bridged (and according to her, "unbelievably" huge, which I think is exaggerated) and even though I don't recall her ever being picked on for it (we went to school together from grade 3 to grade 12 and I am her BFF so I'd know about it) she's still just unbelievably insecure (overall, not just about her nose) and has decided that a nose job will be one of the ways to help her be more secure.

What am I supposed to say about it? There are only so many times I can say things like "Oh your beautiful/there is nothing wrong with your nose, it's not that big" and explain to her why I think that her nose is fine the way it is. I've never noticed her nose ever, not in the way she seems to think people do. But I can't make her feel better about it. I started feeling like it's like empty words for her, she's incredibly pretty but it's like people telling her that means nothing. I think that I can relate because I have major issues with my weight and have been trying to lose weight. So her nose is my weight perhaps. Maybe at the end of the day, it's her nose and she's the one who has to live with it, not me, and she knows that, so I can't make her like the less "classic" parts of her body unless she's willing to be more accepting of her body.

But I think on some level, losing weight or getting a nose job can only get you so far. It might make your body look how you want it to be, but I think that insecurity is rooted deeper than just being able to see reason in the "well I look how I want to look now so I can feel good about myself finally" logic. Especially if part of the reason for changing a feature is about others and not yourself. Which is why I think I get frustrated with my friend when she talks about wanting a nose job because I wonder will getting a nose changed really make her feel better about herself or will she just refocus on trying to change the next thing she hates about herself? Will she just start thinking that now she really DOES have to change everything about herself because what ever reaction she gets for her new nose (presumably a positive one) might just affirm her that in order for people to like her everything about her has to be perfect? Which I think is an unrealistic ideal. I am not trying to penalize people for wanting to change features about themselves. It's like when people try to tell me that I "don't need to lose weight" and I'm like yes, I do, it it weren't for all the positive reasons (being in my best healthiest form, having more energy, etc.) there is also the part where I feel like my weight is the one glaring feature people see about me and that it makes me feel like shit. So I do not penalize you (or my friend) for choosing to "fix" your nose like I've chosen my "fix" weight. I know it's all grand to say "that we shouldn't care what anyone else thinks about us" and, yeah, some people are more able to shut out what others think better than others, but that's a lot easier said than done. But I DO think that at some point all of us have to sit down and find a way to think more positively. For some of us it might have to be counselling, we all have to learn confidence in our own way, and what helped one might not help another, and counselling might be a good place if you feel like the "drastic measures" haven't gotten you to where you needed/wanted to be confidence wise.

I hope that this helps you. If you want to talk more you can PM me




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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 11th 2012, 04:21 PM

Hey & thanks for taking the time to reply! It really is a hard thing to explain, living with a nose you hate. It doesn't sound that bad, but really I thought about it all the time. When I met someone new I tried to make sure they didn't see me from the side, I tried to sit in the back of class so no one would see it & tease me, I positioned myself a certain way in pictures to make it look better, I hid behind my hair, etc...but for me, I was made fun of constantly for it. It was drilled in my brain that it was huge & hideous & there was nothing I could do to fix it. I never considered getting plastic surgery. I never thought I would be able to afford it. I saved up every cent I had just to get it done & it took awhile. If your friend is as insecure as you think she is about it then she's gonna do what she's gonna do. I hope she doesn't continue to try to change herself, though. Some people get addicted to plastic surgery which I'm sure you know. I don't plan on getting anything else done. It's too much of a process that isn't worth the time, money, and frustration. I agree with you, insecurity is a lot deeper than just changing a feature. I think losing weight is a little different. If you're unhealthy & it makes you feel crappy, then go for it! If you're at your healthy weight & still want to lose weight, that's when it needs to stop. It takes the person to finally accept themselves, which can be really hard. I'm trying really hard to be happy with my image, for myself & my fiance. I don't ever want my insecurities to ruin our relationship. I would crumble if that happened. The thing is, no matter how much you tell someone they're beautiful they'll never believe it until they see it and believe it. Let me know how everything works out & thanks again for the reply♥


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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 14th 2012, 11:59 PM

Oh trust me, losing weight is NOT the same comparison, it's just that I can sort of see hwere she's coming from when she finds it annoying when people say it's not necessary and it's pretty much worse for her. I really don't care if she does it, I might think she's beautiful even if she has a bridged nose BUT she doesn't, and at the end of the day she is the one who has to live with her nose, not me, and it's the ONE THING I know she desperately wants to change. So no judgements here. I, in fact, plan to let her stay with me cause it's a REALLY far trip for her to come to the doctor who will do the surgery where as I live fairly close.
But any ways, yeah, moral of what I was getting at (personal story aside) is that insecurity is rooted deeply, it'll take a long time to alter those feelings depending how deeply it runs. I think if your fianc loves you enough to be engaged enough to you he's not about to let your insecurities affect his opinion of you, he's probably willing to be there through you and hope that someday you will think you're beautiful as he thinks you are.
You can always PM me if oyu want to talk




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Re: Bullying led to plastic surgery - November 15th 2012, 12:47 AM

You hit the nail on the head :P he does love me & loved me then, and supports all of my decisions. I'm glad you're supporting your friend & letting her stay with you. I had a Dr. that was 2 hours away. such a pain to drive there for appointments!

Thank you♥


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