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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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Sequin Offline
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Residual feelings from past bullying - April 17th 2013, 12:46 AM

I have experienced bullying for a long time, same as a lot of you. I think the worst of it for me came when I went through Bell's Palsy because the attacks were concerning a physical condition and the continual abuse (I find the word "bullying" to be a watered down term sometimes) got to a point I had to be removed from that school.

Now that I've gotten older, I recognize that there is an undeniable residual carryover from those days that has stayed with me, mostly in the form of anxiety attacks. I wonder if in some ironically perverse way I might have been denied the chance to face my demons head on and that I therefore am incapable of moving on because I lack resolution?

After an entire year, I find myself back in therapy so perhaps I will get my answer soon enough. In the meantime, I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask if anyone else here has experienced similar residual feelings? Perhaps you have some advice for me if you have?
   
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Re: Residual feelings from past bullying - April 17th 2013, 01:44 AM

I've been through some rough stuff, and yes, it still affects me. But I'm really happy you're going to therapy, because I've found it to be extremely helpful. It'll get better, it just takes a lot of work, and you have to be really open to it, which I think you are.



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Re: Residual feelings from past bullying - April 17th 2013, 08:35 AM

Hmm, well, I have experienced something similar. I was bullied a lot when I was younger, and it had a really negative effect on me. I get bullied more seriously in secondary school, and sometimes I feel that the bullying I experienced in primary school has sort of set me up for further bullying. I often have anxiety attacks (it has happened at school) and I have bad social anxiety as well, so I'm probably looked upon as an easy target.

On another note, it's great that you're going to therapy. I really think it can help you overcome this. I hope it goes well. Best of luck!
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Re: Residual feelings from past bullying - April 19th 2013, 08:10 PM

1. Figure yourself out. What do you want to do with yourself. Do whatever you must to achieve that.
2. Take responsibility.
3. Learn from mistakes.



That's very vague, so I'll explain specifically, although it isn't easy.

Whatever your bullying involved, you need to think back to it, and face it, and learn from it. Most people here won't tell you this, because they're too nice. You need to figure out what you did "wrong", which led to you getting bullied. Most people here will tell you "there's nothing wrong with you". I'm not saying that there is something wrong with you either. I couldn't even if I wanted to because I barely know you. My point is... if you got a second chance, what would you do differently?

That's learning from mistakes.

If you're answer is: "nothing"... then logically, you've learnt nothing. Given a second chance, you'd still get bullied. And it will (probably) happen again in a future workplace. That's failure to take responsibility. You can go ahead and call them assholes, but that won't change anything.

If you're answer is something more like: "punch their faces in"... you're doing better. That's taking some form of responsibility, even if only short-sighted. If you punched every person in the face who tries to bully you, you'd probably end up in prison though.

I can't tell you exactly what your answer should be. That's for you to figure out. It depends on the specifics. For example, if it was someone repetitively verbally threatening me, I might voice record them, and report it to someone. It's better than doing nothing. Just an example. It's about using intelligence, thinking.


So, something to think about:
Being bullied and feeling bullied is sort of a state of mind. If you feel like you're being bullied, then you are being bullied. But if you don't feel like you're being bullied, then you aren't being bullied. Someone may be trying to bully you, but they fail. It's about rejecting their shit opinion. It's about, quite simply not giving a fuck about them.

How do you "not give a fuck" about them? Figure yourself out and what do you want to do with yourself. Give yourself a direction, find something that matters to you, so that those sorts of people don't matter to you. What is it that you want to do with yourself in the future?


There will always be bullies, wherever you go. Unless you learn from your mistakes and learn from every encounter with them, you'l never get stronger, and you'l always be at their mercy. Take the bull by the horns, break them off, and kick it in the nuts. Then eat the steak. Getting bullied in the past should make you stronger, not weaker, assuming that you learn from your mistakes.


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Therapists are people. They're not perfect. The best way to make sure anything gets done the way you want it, is to do it yourself. That doesn't mean indiscriminately rejecting all help. What I'm saying... is do your own thinking. Don't expect everything to fix itself with visits to a therapist. It's the same thing with maths. Attending maths lessons isn't going make you "good" at maths. You need to practice it yourself, engage your brain and think about it.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.



Last edited by BDF; April 20th 2013 at 11:08 AM.
   
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Re: Residual feelings from past bullying - April 21st 2013, 03:15 AM

I went through a lot of bullying in my younger years of age. Within school, and outside of school, as well as now online sometimes. I know it is never easy and that its hard to get over. I never stood up for myself, and I never said anything. When it stopped at school, I was never the same person. I am still now the same person. All you can really do now at this point in life is try to forget those words and hate and stuff that people did. Keep talking about it and get it all out in the open who ever it may be you decide to do that with.
Its hard, but worth it, soon enough you will realize that those people had nothing better to do, and that they were wrong. You are better than that.

Good luck.
   
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Re: Residual feelings from past bullying - April 21st 2013, 08:16 PM

I understand completely. I got bullied all through my school years, and I even get bullied a little bit now even though I'm in university. :/ Its a hard thing to get over, I get anxiety attacks over it too still, and it makes me afraid to go out and do certain things in public or meeting new people. But I think the best way to overcome this is to just push your boundaries and face these fears. Just do your thing, and try not to listen if someone makes a rude remark or something. The therapy will help a lot as well, because you'll learn to face your past and come to terms with it.
   
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