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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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Are we bullying this kid? - October 8th 2013, 09:01 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of peer pressure or bullying, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So, the high school started like two months ago and there's this kid in our class who is really shy.
He doesn't want to hang out with us or even talk to us. He is fat and can't do sports because he has some digestive problems (although, I think he's faking it to escape gym class)
He is so dorky I can't even describe it. His mom comes to lunch break to give him a sandwich and kisses him and you can imagine how humiliating it would be!?
So, me and guys torment him every day. We call him names punch him in order to make him a real man. Now, don't get me wrong, I never bullied anyone, but I can't resist when it comes to this guy.
I'm a really messed up person and I'm full of anger. So it comes as a great stress relief to make fun of him. Also, some girls have started bullying him, so you can imagine how miserable he is...

However, deep inside, I feel sorry for him. His mother is over-protective and she made an imbecile out of him.
We would stop bullying him if he started socializing with others, but he doesn't.
I wish I could help him somehow, but all I do is bully him.


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 8th 2013, 09:21 PM

Hey there,

To answer your question head on: yes, you are most definitely, unreservedly and almost unashamedly bullying this boy.

And, without meaning to be too blunt, what you're doing is very wrong, and pretty disgusting.

Imagine how he feels without extra grievances because no-one is nice to him. You're not, by the way, helping to "make him a real man" by punching him. You're probably having the opposite effect, making him feel worse and mire isolated.

If you want to make him more comfortable joining in with the rest of you, a far better way of going about doing so would be to actually help him. Invite him and welcome him to social situations (even if it's just eating lunch), humour him and accept who he is. Then, just stand back and watch his confidence flourish.

Seriously, you're not helping anything by bullying him. You, and anyone else you can convince, need to stop and think incredibly carefully about what you're doing immediately.

PS: That sounds incredibly harsh, I'm sorry, but I hope it conveys the seriousness of my meaning to you.


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 8th 2013, 09:29 PM

Have you ever thought that maybe he isn't being social because you're bulling this guy? I was bulled all the way from nursery right the way through until I left school at 16. 12 years of bullying. It made me reclusive, depressed, suicidal and very unhappy with how I looked. Do you think you're helping him to become more social by potentially leading him to his death? It sounds harsh of me to say but it's the plain truth. So many teenagers and children die every single year because of bullying.

Have you thought that perhaps he's having troubles at home? He could be being beaten, abused, anything. How are you going to help him by adding to his suffering? This isn't intending to make you feel guilty in any way but that is how it is.

If you feel you want to stop, you stop. You don't let your anger out on another person, you let your anger out on an object, take up martial arts lessons, meditate, distract yourself. I grew up very angry because of family issues and because of my constant bullying at school. I had to have a punching bag and I would beat it to death until my anger left my body because it was better to beat that bag rather than another person.

While I can't physically make you stop what you're doing and I think it's really good you're coming forward about this in admitting you're hurting another person, all I can do is ask you to please re-think what you're doing and think about life from his perspective. Just because you've had a bad childhood doesn't mean you should make someome else's childhood bad either.


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 8th 2013, 09:35 PM

Yes, you are most definitely bullying him. It's disgusting and it needs to stop. Physically and emotionally hurting someone in anyway isn't how you make them into a man, you're more than likely making him feel like less of one because you're making him feel so little and horrible by bullying him. You said himself that he is probably miserable and humiliated and all you're doing is piling on top of that.

You may have anger issues but that isn't any excuse to take them out on someone else, especially someone who isn't going to stand up for themselves. I would suggest that you seek proper help for your issues and put yourself in his shoes and imagine how you make him feel when you bully him before you do it next time.
   
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 8th 2013, 09:51 PM

I agree partly with you two.
I was nice to him in the beginnig, but he was such a prat! He didn't want to hang out after school because he had to study. I study less than him and have better grades.
He claims to be studying like 8 hours a day and he got a D in geo.
I am trying to let my anger go when I'm at the gym lifting, but it makes me even more aggressive.
He doesn't have probems at home, he has over-protective parents and his ex-school mates confirmed me that.

I simply lose it when I see him!
When I approach him I can see the fear in his eyes, I can almost hear his heart pounding, his hands are sweating, his feet tremble and it makes me feel dominant, powerful...
I'm not the only one that bullies him.
Even girls make fun of him.
I especially like humiliating him in front of girls. Girls seem to like jerks and bullies after all. They asked to feel my muscles after that and started flirting with me
I almost made him cry in front of girls in class today.

I know this is all wrong and I've decided to be nice to him this week and see if he'll start socializing.

I also want to know if I've gone too far,because I know him for a short time and may have already scarred him for life?


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 8th 2013, 11:07 PM

This is coming from someone who has been bullied most of their life.what you are doing this boy is only going to make him feel worse and feel less like spending time with people you are damaging and destroying him, his confidence and self esteem. What you are doing to this boy could actually go as far as assualt and harrasment - this could get you put in jail. You are not making a man of him at all. I suggest you seek some help for yourself. For all you know he could be going through similar things at home in his house with his family - you are not helping him you are just adding to his issues.

Stop and get help for yourself. I was bullied for years and it still affects me to this day and I left school just over 8 years ago. Think about your actions think about what you're doing and stop. If he goes to the police you are quite honestly looking at a sentence in juvi or in like a young offenders unit for crimes like assualt and harrasment.



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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 01:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
I agree partly with you two.
I was nice to him in the beginnig, but he was such a prat! He didn't want to hang out after school because he had to study. I study less than him and have better grades.
He claims to be studying like 8 hours a day and he got a D in geo.
I am trying to let my anger go when I'm at the gym lifting, but it makes me even more aggressive.
He doesn't have probems at home, he has over-protective parents and his ex-school mates confirmed me that.

I simply lose it when I see him!
When I approach him I can see the fear in his eyes, I can almost hear his heart pounding, his hands are sweating, his feet tremble and it makes me feel dominant, powerful...
I'm not the only one that bullies him.
Even girls make fun of him.
I especially like humiliating him in front of girls. Girls seem to like jerks and bullies after all. They asked to feel my muscles after that and started flirting with me
I almost made him cry in front of girls in class today.

I know this is all wrong and I've decided to be nice to him this week and see if he'll start socializing.

I also want to know if I've gone too far,because I know him for a short time and may have already scarred him for life?
To be honest, even if this kid doesn't want to socialize, this doesn't give you or anyone else the means to bully him, because 'hes being a prat'

The type of girls that like 'Jerks and bullies' are the type of girls you'd want to avoid; simply because they only want people like That for 'Sex' and not generally a true meaningful love-filled relationship.

I have often encountered on numerous occasions encountered teens who are nervous, fearful and shy. Infront of me and my other buddies, though, i make them feel welcome and i'm friendly towards them.

As you say; it makes you feel powerful, though, controlling that feeling is just as important.

And i also advise sticking up for him, Big Time. Then he'll open up To you; then the rest of the school.

You are the bully.

You have a chance, to protect him from the rest of the bullies.

And become the Good guy.

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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 01:05 AM

This is definitely bullying, as the others have already said. I also suggest that you find some help for yourself. The fear that this boy has when you are near him is pain. Bullying hurts. It can affect the victims for the rest of their lives. Please find a way to stop this behavior.

As for his studying habits, everyone is different. For some people, they need to work really hard to get passing grades. Others don't have to try at all and they get very good grades. My brother spends hours everyday working on homework. He has a tutor. He is still failing classes. Again, everyone is different.

How would you feel if you were in his position?


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 02:33 AM

Yep, you're being a bully.
Even though he is unsocial or is a "prat" it doesn't give you the right to punch him or make fun of him.
Even if it makes you feel dominant and in power, how much is this feeling worth? This kid's self-esteem and this kid's future?
By the way, when you are constantly being tormented in school by someone who you've described by yourself, you can't expect him to concentrate when studying, in class or at home. You can't expect him to become less of a "prat" if the only contact he gets from peers is negative and possibly painful.

Try not to bully him. Talk to him. Maybe beyond the undeniably annoying outer coating of this guy, there's a better side.

Don't punch. Get a stress ball.


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 03:59 AM

you're bullying him, and you should really stop. Of course that's up to you, but if I saw this happening I wouldn't hesitate to speak to someone about it immediately because what you're doing is wrong. Also, it might be best for you to seek professional help for anger management.
   
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 05:08 AM

there is no question. this is bullying, and it needs to stop.
controlling your anger is hard. i have issues with it myself. however, when it escalates to assaulting other people, it really does need to be handled. right now.
i know its annoying and embarrassing at times to need to talk to someone, but you should really consider it.
find another way to relieve stress and blow off steam. try a new sport, go running, or, i don't know, write really fricked up poetry (i do that). anything that calms you down and doesn't involve hurting this kid. he doesn't deserve it.


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 06:53 AM

Your a bully, end of discussion. Bullies are the weak ones, they are the ones that take their anger, frustration and problems out on others because they can't handle it so they need to make others feel miserable.

So what if he's fat? A prat and mothered? Does it give him the right to be bullied, he could be a nasty [EDITED] for all I care, it still does not give you or anyone the right to bully or belittle that person.

Good for you on getting good grades, glad you can go home at night and not need to worry about school tomorrow and what's going to be said and how your going to be humiliated. That boy probably works his arse off with studying but the fear of you and your gang gets in the way and it takes over and has an effect on his school work.

[EDITED]

Go get some counselling, count to [EDITED] ten or just avoid the boy altogether.

[EDITED]


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 07:52 AM

Pretty much yep it's bullying. Knock it off. Leave him alone. He does't have to want to socialise with you. And to be honest I can see why he doesn't. Look sorry to be harsh but you are the one with the issue not him. Your behaviour is not normal or right or acceptable. If you really can't help it I suggest you get help to deal with your anger. How would you feel if it was you? I'm sure you wouldn't like it and I bet you'd be here on making a thread about being bullied.


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 02:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
I agree partly with you two.
I was nice to him in the beginnig, but he was such a prat! He didn't want to hang out after school because he had to study. I study less than him and have better grades.
He claims to be studying like 8 hours a day and he got a D in geo.
I am trying to let my anger go when I'm at the gym lifting, but it makes me even more aggressive.
He doesn't have probems at home, he has over-protective parents and his ex-school mates confirmed me that.

I simply lose it when I see him!
When I approach him I can see the fear in his eyes, I can almost hear his heart pounding, his hands are sweating, his feet tremble and it makes me feel dominant, powerful...
I'm not the only one that bullies him.
Even girls make fun of him.
I especially like humiliating him in front of girls. Girls seem to like jerks and bullies after all. They asked to feel my muscles after that and started flirting with me
I almost made him cry in front of girls in class today.

I know this is all wrong and I've decided to be nice to him this week and see if he'll start socializing.

I also want to know if I've gone too far,because I know him for a short time and may have already scarred him for life?
Well, maybe he cares more about grades and his future then. You don't know that; you don't know anything about what happens behind closed doors in his life. If you're not the only one who bullies him, you should still stop it and make yourself one less of a bully. You should let an adult know what you and other students are doing to him, because it isn't right at all. There is no excuse in the book to bully someone. You need to find other ways to get your anger out. I tried to kill myself when I was bullied. Being on the receiving end of something like that is horrific. You, yourself said you torment him in your original post. That's bullying. Someone's weight does not define who they are as a person. Just leave him alone before you potentially push him over the edge.




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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 04:54 PM

You feel like a man when you bully someone? I'm sorry but that's... primitive talk.
Why bully the poor guy anyway, he has no reason for the right to be bullied by you and your friends.

You're not even being a 'man', stick up to him and be a 'man' (Sexist statement, I know) but please leave him alone. It's vile and immature.
   
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 06:47 PM

Ok, I was bullied as kid,but I fought back. I never let anyone humiliate me, and never will.
The truth about me is that I'm a sad person, angry and depressed. I cry myself to sleep every night. I wish I were never born.
He has no real problems. His biggest problem is facing me and the gang at school. Why doesen't he grow a pair of nuts and act like a man?
I have the most misfortunate and miserable life that he will never have, he wasn't beaten up, left hungry,injured and left bleeding wounded.
You people try to demonize me!

There is some good left in me, so I felt a bit sorry and decided to give him a break.

I have been so angry today and barely controled myself.
On my way home I punched rubbish bins, broke car windows. I never felt so angry in my life and I couldn't help it.
I might not be able to hold it tommorow and I might make his day a nightmare.

And he isn't the only kid I bully. I make fun of others and they aren't acting like a little bitches about it!

[EDITED by Meteora: Unacceptable content - encouraging victimisation of certain people.]


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 07:19 PM

Yes, you're bullying him. Be nicer.



   
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 07:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
Ok, I was bullied as kid,but I fought back. I never let anyone humiliate me, and never will.
The truth about me is that I'm a sad person, angry and depressed. I cry myself to sleep every night. I wish I were never born.
He has no real problems. His biggest problem is facing me and the gang at school. Why doesen't he grow a pair of nuts and act like a man?
I have the most misfortunate and miserable life that he will never have, he wasn't beaten up, left hungry,injured and left bleeding wounded.
You people try to demonize me!

There is some good left in me, so I felt a bit sorry and decided to give him a break.

I have been so angry today and barely controled myself.
On my way home I punched rubbish bins, broke car windows. I never felt so angry in my life and I couldn't help it.
I might not be able to hold it tommorow and I might make his day a nightmare.

And he isn't the only kid I bully. I make fun of others and they aren't acting like a little bitches about it!

[EDITED]

Your suffering does not justify how you treat others. "An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind" -Gandhi

You're not motivating him to be normal or helping him in any way. You may need help for your anger issues as well. You shouldn't make excuses. Even if you had the worst life, that is not a good reason to make other people's lives worse. That is just an excuse for the enjoyment you get out of belittling others.




Last edited by Catharsis.; October 9th 2013 at 08:50 PM. Reason: Removing previously edited content from quote.
   
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 07:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
Ok, I was bullied as kid,but I fought back. I never let anyone humiliate me, and never will.
Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
The truth about me is that I'm a sad person, angry and depressed. I cry myself to sleep every night. I wish I were never born.
He has no real problems. His biggest problem is facing me and the gang at school. Why doesen't he grow a pair of nuts and act like a man?
I have the most misfortunate and miserable life that he will never have, he wasn't beaten up, left hungry,injured and left bleeding wounded.
You people try to demonize me!

There is some good left in me, so I felt a bit sorry and decided to give him a break.

I have been so angry today and barely controled myself.
On my way home I punched rubbish bins, broke car windows. I never felt so angry in my life and I couldn't help it.
I might not be able to hold it tommorow and I might make his day a nightmare.

And he isn't the only kid I bully. I make fun of others and they aren't acting like a little bitches about it!

[EDITED]
Get help before you kill someone.

And no one is trying to demonize you, your making excuses for taking pleasure out of someone else's misery, I was bullied from the minute I could walk and talk, by friends, family members and even a teacher. I NEVER resorted to bullying. I was raped and beaten up, STILL NEVER RESORTED TO BULLYING.

Everybody has [EDITED] that stinks but don't use it as a excuse to bully. You enjoy the pleasure and power it gives you of making that boy and others feeling inferior.

[EDITED]

Also I'll fill you in on a little cycle:

Gets bullied > comfort eats > gains weight > loses confidence > gets bullied because of weight > comfort eats > gets bullied > comfort eats > gets bullied > comfort eats.

[EDITED]


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 07:48 PM

Hi there, just wanted to make you aware that I've moved your thread over to Peer Pressure and Bullying since it fits a little better in there. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or disagree with my decision.


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 08:29 PM

Hi guys,

Whilst I understand that bullying is a very sensitive issue on TeenHelp because many of you may have previously had negative experiences with bullying, I wanted to ask that you remember certain parts of what TeenHelp is all about.
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Please ensure that your posts are constructive for the OP so that he can get advice on how best to help his situation, as well as the victim in this case.

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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 09:10 PM

It definitely sounds like you know that what you are doing is wrong. If you are aware that it is wrong, you should do what is needed to make the situation right. Treat him like a person and not someone who is lesser because honestly, no one is greater, better, smarter, more of "a man", or more of a person because of how they look, how they act, whether they study one minute or twenty hours. Those things mean nothing. What is important is how you are in the inside; how you express yourself towards others, how you treat others with respect.
He is probably not hanging out with you and seems scared because what other option have you given him? None, I'll answer this for you.
He needs a way out and a way out other than hating himself, feeling degraded and hurt. He needs people that will treat him well and accept him for who he is and not mistreat him because he is different and because he has a disability, which, by the way, it is cruel that you believe he is using it as an excuse because a lot of people (including myself) have disabilities that would make participating in regular gym impossible or very dangerous.
You have to think about his prospective too, there is no way you should just look at him as a "prat" and as someone less because as I said before, no one is greater, better or anything less than anyone else. Just because his mom comes to him and gives him a kiss and brings him his lunch, that is not your issue, if he is okay with it, then why should it be your problem?
Worry about and change what you can instead of looking at him as inferior, you may notice a change after a while of treating him better. By the way, a week of treating him nice will do nothing, it takes a whole lot of time to get over being so degraded and mistreated, I know from experience. I am away from the people now but I still struggle with issues because of how I was treated.
If you know what you are doing is wrong, get help. Schools have counselors and in your terms from before, I'd say that you would be "a man" for being honest you have problems with anger and taking it out on other people. That is being "a man" being able to accknowledge that you need help. If you keep doing this, you could end up in trouble with the law which you do not want and neither do your friends that participate in this.


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 9th 2013, 10:56 PM

Okay, this may sound like I'm beating a dead horse but you are a bully and what you're doing is 100% wrong.
   
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 11th 2013, 01:39 AM

If deep down inside you know that this is wrong, then it is wrong. I think you need to stand up for the kid. And, also, you should get some help with anger management. I'm not saying that i've never felt angry in my life (that would be a huge lie), but, instead of taking anger out on others, try to talk to a counsiler about both the bullying and about your anger. The first step to getting better (or making a change) is to speak out about the issue/problem.


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 12th 2013, 11:08 AM

I ain't actively sociable. Rarely was. Doesn't mean unfriendly. If someone wants to interact healthily, exchange ideas and favours and talk about something, I'm open to it usually. But I rarely go out of my way especially to make friends, although have some more extrovert periods every now and then. When I was 13/14, people bullied me. Undoubtedly because of the way I was. Although they did have one valid reason. I had a tendency of being quite annoying. But a lot of kids are annoying at that age. I wasn't much different in that respect after all. Yeah... people bullied me up to about the age of 15 maybe.

Just don't bully people... just don't. You will probably get your ass kicked so badly eventually that you'll remember it for ever. This isn't a threat. It just probability. If you go around being an asshole to people, you will come across those who will shoot back. And when it happens, it'l be your fault. Not theirs. Bear that in mind for when it happens.


If you know what you're doing is wrong, but it doesn't stir you enough for you to bring yourself to stop bullying him, then you need to see a professional. This is in no way intended to be an insult, please don't receive it that way. It's advice. I've been there myself.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 13th 2013, 01:59 PM

I have done a horrible thing today... not just me, everyone...
It was lunch break and we asked him to go out with us.
He didn't want to... he said "Please leave me alone.."
So me and guys pushed him out of school.
There my pal gave him a wedgie, and took his pants of in front of girls!
He was crying. He said we are a**holes.
He said he hates us.
So I lost it and pushed him in the mud and said "This is where you belong you pig!!! In the dirt where all pigs like should be"
Then I felt regret immidiately, but it was too late. I just stepped back and watched others kick his butt. Both boys and girls.
Then some nerd called police and we run away.
His mom came to school later. She said she moved him to school in another town.
I can't believe I we were so evil... He will remember this to the rest of his life and it is all our fault. He will most probably be even more bullied in another school, because he is most probably scared to go out of house.
I am an evil person... I should definitely look for help

Hopefully, he won't sue us....


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 13th 2013, 02:37 PM

Hey kid,
You need to learn how to control yourself. Him not wanting to go out with you guys is kind of not a big deal because he kind of finds it REALLY FRIKKING HARD to trust you guys after the bullying. Just because he called you an asshole for puching him out of school and taking his pants (which if you think about it is acceptable judging what has happened so far) doesn't give you the right to punch him into the mud.

I think you need to learn about anger management because you need help. If you think doing this is making you seem cool/popular think about what you have done to that kid. Doing this is weak and low, and within a few years, you'll get into more trouble when your anger becomes out of control. So you need to stop it. You need some help.

Try reading this because this problem will not go away once the victim is removed from the situation.

Maybe you'll find another defenceless kid to attack and crush. You need to control it. Persuade "everyone" that this behavior is wrong then next time someone is bullied.
Even if it's your friends, you might earn a few disaproving gaze from fellow bullies but what you are doing is how to stop yourself from going down the path to violence.

You should probably tell an adult about this problem, although at first you may not want to and they may not understand, after a thourough explaination, you'll get some much needed advice/help.

Please just stop, in any way possible from doing this. And remember the next time you ask some one you've bullied/taken away all self-esteem from/beaten up to hang out with you please expect a NO, because who in thier right mind would say yes?


~the dragon one
   
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 13th 2013, 03:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonblood View Post
Please just stop, in any way possible from doing this. And remember the next time you ask some one you've bullied/taken away all self-esteem from/beaten up to hang out with you please expect a NO, because who in thier right mind would say yes?
Exactly that. Imagine if you were new in some school, didn't fit in, felt that people don't like you, got bullied and punched by a group of other guys. They mock you. They laugh and ridicule you, to the point that you totally loose trust in them and even hate them.

Then suddenly the tone changes. It sounds to good too be true. They ask you to hang with them and go with them somewhere outside of school on a lunch break. Somewhere where there are no supervising teachers, with a bunch of people who have been bullying you and making your life hell.

I'll assure you that in 99% of such situations, when that sort of thing suddenly happens, that the bullies ask you to go out with them... it's to pull a sadistic prank on you when there is no one there to stop them. Why would you agree to something like that? Why would you trust them? It isn't even personal. It's just illogical.


I know a kid who suffered from borderline personality disorder. It's not easy to describe. It's a disorder where people can be spontaneously very explosive, spontaneously extremely depressed, or extremely happy for no apparent reason to people standing around them. That disorder often comes from some form of abuse as a young kid, or when going to school. He was fat, yes. He ended up picking up on drugs at some point to make himself fit in, and make the emotional turmoil go away temporarily. This spiralled quickly out of control because of his extreme mood swings. He had very little control over himself and his impulses. He changed schools about 5 times. When people started moving on with the bullying and growing out of it a bit, he was hooked on the drugs. At the age of 16 of 17 I think, he was in such a bad mental and physical state that he had to go to rehab and was denied the possibility of visiting his parents or friends, and they were denied the possibility of visiting him. Figure that. Being locked up, restrained and treated like a mental patient, being force fed whatever anti-depressant or sedative drugs. Due to his borderline personality disorder to make the situation worse, he was beyond the ability of his caretakers to effectively take care of him. They just weren't qualified.

He ended up committing suicide, presumably during one of his depression episodes.


This is how bad it can get. This wasn't a headline story or anywhere in the news. He wasn't someone I knew very well, but when these things happen, people talk about it and news spreads by word of mouth. There have been many similar stories in the news, but somehow, they often don't affect people the same. The sensationalism makes many people sceptical of a lot of what they read in newspapers or internet news sources.

Think about that. Bring yourself to stop what you're doing, because even if you can't bring yourself to care enough for others, this will very likely also destroy you in the future. What you're doing doesn't benefit anyone at all. It always comes back. You'll do it to someone in a nightclub under the influence of alcohol and have even less self-restraint. You could end up putting someone in hospital and getting locked up for it. Get it under control, at least for your sake.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.



Last edited by BDF; October 13th 2013 at 09:07 PM.
   
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 15th 2013, 08:24 PM

It's too late to do anything now.. he went to another school in another town and he is never coming back.

I feel really horrible about it. I feel like an evil person!

His mother didn't sue us and that's what confuses me right now! She is an over protective b**ch and she won't sue us!?


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 15th 2013, 09:09 PM

Maybe his mother does not feel that suing you would be the best way to go about things as for 1 she would more or less be suing your parents as at the age of 15 i highly doubt you would have enough to be personally sued at it is . 2. his mother may just be glad shes moved him schools and that her son is now at a school where he will hopefully not be bullied. 3. maybe his mum feels that suing you would not do much any way.

But you really do need to think about your actions and why you're doing them perhaps talk to a school counsellor and see if they can help. You could try finding him on facebook and sending him a message apologising to him and saying to him that you are sorry for what you did to him and that you feel terrible for what you put him through etc and that you are now trying to seek help for yourself , and that you understand if he doesn't want to talk to you etc but are okay with it if he does decide to talk to you etc too.



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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 16th 2013, 12:53 PM

Well I hope you feel proud of yourself. Good job. Incase you couldn't tell that was sarcasm. Now seriously instead of wondering why you weren't sued or in proper trouble be thankful you aren't and don't do anything like this again, use this a lesson, or next time you could be in serious trouble. There is no point going on to you about the victims feelings and suffering etc, because you just don't seem to care about them, but maybe think of yourself here and think do you really wanna be serious trouble one day like being sued or even charged by the police, those things can ruin your life, so I seriously suggest for your sake and that of everyone else, get help, and stop this bad behaviour here right now before it gets any worse for anyone.


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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 17th 2013, 12:07 AM

I just read a book called Touching Spirit Bear. The main character in that book reminds me of you. Anyways, about your posts: I'm glad he didn't accept your invitation. It shows he is more sane than you or any of your friends. I'll admit that I'm an angry person at times, but I find ways to channel my anger elsewhere besides other peers. Riding my road bike for 30 minutes after school almost every day is really effective at this. Judging by your posts, I highly suggest you get some help, whether it be seeing a counselor or taking anger management courses. Sure, you might loose your spot as "Mr. Cool" among your friends, but it could save you going down a road that leads right to prison. I just heard about a story of a girl who killed herself after being bullied. Two of her "friends" were arrested and await trial. How would you feel if you spent years in jail for something you said or did without taking a few seconds to think?




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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 17th 2013, 05:40 PM

I hope I don't come across as rude or harshT, but I'd just like to put across my point of view. Please read with an open mind, be open to suggestions.

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
He doesn't want to hang out with us or even talk to us. He is fat and can't do sports because he has some digestive problems (although, I think he's faking it to escape gym class)
You said that he is overweight (fat is such a harsh word! It has destroyed so many lives, I'd rather not use it.). People can become overweight due to digestive problems. You can google and read up on it if you want, it is not something rare or anything.

Even if he is lying, did it occur to you that it is because he just wants to spend maybe one hour each day where he isn't made fun of by you or your friends? If he is lying, that is understandable, would you have liked to do something after which people made fun of you? Would you have bullied him had the girls made fun of you for doing so? Please try to relate here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
He is so dorky I can't even describe it. His mom comes to lunch break to give him a sandwich and kisses him and you can imagine how humiliating it would be!?
So, me and guys torment him every day. We call him names punch him in order to make him a real man. Now, don't get me wrong, I never bullied anyone, but I can't resist when it comes to this guy.
Would you have hated your father if he was like, reallyyyyyy dorky? I guess not, because he is your father. You'd love him no matter what. My point is, as someone has already mentioned, it doesn't matter how he looks. For all you know he could be much more fun than your present "buddies"!
As for his mum, that could probably the only good thing in his life. The only person who can actually understand him. Please at least let him have that without making fun of him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
Also, some girls have started bullying him, so you can imagine how miserable he is...
Can YOU imagine? For even one moment? Please try to imagine...

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
However, deep inside, I feel sorry for him. His mother is over-protective and she made an imbecile out of him.
We would stop bullying him if he started socializing with others, but he doesn't.
How do you know that it didn't happen the other way round? Maybe bullies like yourself made a complete imbecile out of him, and his mother's love and acceptance is probably the only reason that he is alive right now.
Please don't jump to conclusions without knowing the facts. You are seeing what YOU want to see. Try to look for what is reality.

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
I agree partly with you two.
I was nice to him in the beginnig, but he was such a prat! He didn't want to hang out after school because he had to study. I study less than him and have better grades.
He claims to be studying like 8 hours a day and he got a D in geo.
Maybe he has depression, or what we call "clinically depressed", probably because of all the bullying. It makes it difficult to concentrate, you could be studying 24 hours a day and still flunk. That is what depression can do. Again, my point is, there are so many theories as to what the reality is. Don't be rigid with your theories.
And really, why would he want to hang out with you? He isn't an idiot. He too has self defense mechanisms. One of which is avoiding people who have continuously hurt him because he is probably afraid that their intentions aren't clear. He would most probably be thinking that you are trying to befriend him only so that you can exploit him, just like you have always done. Why should he believe that there could be any other reason?

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
He doesn't have probems at home, he has over-protective parents and his ex-school mates confirmed me that.
Okay first, they haven't been in his life. They can NEVER say for sure. HE could be hiding it from you all. And second, he has problems. At school. You and the other bullies are his problem.

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
I especially like humiliating him in front of girls. Girls seem to like jerks and bullies after all. They asked to feel my muscles after that and started flirting with me
I almost made him cry in front of girls in class today.
Are you proud of yourself for doing that? You sound like you are.
But here's what, read what you wrote. YOU are the one who is insecure, who has to drive him to death just so girls would like you. Is it worth it? To drive this one kid to such such horrible misery? Make him want to die just so girls would see your muscles?

.
Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
I also want to know if I've gone too far,because I know him for a short time and may have already scarred him for life?
Yes you've gone way too far. And you've scarred not just him but also him family for life. No one can see their kid go through that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
Ok, I was bullied as kid,but I fought back. I never let anyone humiliate me, and never will.
Just because you acted in a certain way in a situation doesn't mean that others have to do the same. Everyone has different threshholds and different ways of dealing with situations. You were bullied as a kid, years ago. He has been bullied for ALL HIS LIFE. See how long it has been going on? Its a miracle that he is still alive, I would have dies 10 times by now had I been in his situation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
He has no real problems. His biggest problem is facing me and the gang at school.
Do you think that is small? really?

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
There is some good left in me, so I felt a bit sorry and decided to give him a break.
Please, understand this, you CANNOT control his life.


Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
It's too late to do anything now.. he went to another school in another town and he is never coming back.
You've been talking about being a man. You know what would be a real man? Realize your mistake, the intensity of what you've done. And go to him and apologize. But only if you mean it, only when you realize it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
His mother didn't sue us and that's what confuses me right now! She is an over protective b**ch and she won't sue us!?
If she sues you, her kid will have to come to court and testify and stuff. He'll have to go through the ordeal all over again, it could destroy him. Secondly, right now, her kid needs her. He is more important to her than you. She needs to be there with him instead of filing cases against you. She can do that later on too if she wants.

She isn't a bitch. She loves him. She is doing all she can to end his misery. The misery that you've put him in.

Quote:
He has no real problems.
I have the most misfortunate and miserable life that he will never have, he wasn't beaten up, left hungry,injured and left bleeding wounded.
You know nothing about his life, please don't judge him. I can show you people who have had worse experiences than yours, right here on this site. There are people who fave faced hell, in the true sense of the word.

My point is that whatever misery we are going through, its intensity can't be measured like that. We have to realize it is a horrible experience for each one of us and that we shouldn't try to measure is, because there is no way to do that. What we are going through is painful for each one of us in its own way. Lets just leave it at that and stop comparing?



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Last edited by Solivagant; October 17th 2013 at 05:56 PM.
   
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  (#34 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 17th 2013, 06:04 PM

Okay so here is why I think that you need help as soon as possible. Take a look at what you've written-

Quote:
I'm a really messed up person and I'm full of anger. So it comes as a great stress relief to make fun of him.
Quote:
I simply lose it when I see him!
Quote:
The truth about me is that I'm a sad person, angry and depressed. I cry myself to sleep every night. I wish I were never born.
Quote:
I have been so angry today and barely controled myself.
On my way home I punched rubbish bins, broke car windows. I never felt so angry in my life and I couldn't help it.
I might not be able to hold it tommorow and I might make his day a nightmare.
Quote:
So I lost it and pushed him in the mud and said "This is where you belong you pig!!! In the dirt where all pigs like should be"
You need to get help for yourself. Please do that for you, and for him, and any others around you. You've experienced this misery, please don't give it to anyone else. No one can EVER deserve any of this. I think that you're a good guy, with some issues. Please get help for those. You can see a school counselor or talk to a teacher. Here is a list of people who can help you.

Its not worth it, putting your problems on someone else. It would only make you feel worse even though you are doing it to feel better. And its really not worth making them feel so horrible.

I hope that things get better for you soon.

Feel free to message me in case you'd like to talk, share stuff. I promise I won't judge.

Take care.



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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 25th 2013, 08:31 PM

He's gone now and I guess it's over. But bullying did not stop.
My friends harass him on facebook. I have no facebook profile, so I'm not a part of that.
I was over at my friends house and he showed me his facebook profile. He is with his mother in EVERY damn picture
Everyone from the class wrote rude comments, insults, threats.

He is also bullied in his new school. I have a friend there and he told me they beat the s**t out of him every day.

He is being treated worse in his new school than here, so I guess he's hopeless.
I understand how horrible I've been to him, and I feel sorry.

But I could not control myself!!! Do you even know what that means? It's like some beast takes over me!!

And his mother is also partly guilty. She sent him to school well known for hooligans, drug addicts and other scumbags!
Imagine him, a wimpy asocial kid with all those douches around him.

He is hopeless! He should go to school for retarded kids! No one would bully him there, but that's just my idea


The burning grief is tormenting me
The hate I feel is destroying me
Only vengeance will give me peace
Only vengeance will set my spirit free
   
  (#36 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 25th 2013, 09:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
He's gone now and I guess it's over. But bullying did not stop.
My friends harass him on facebook. I have no facebook profile, so I'm not a part of that.
I was over at my friends house and he showed me his facebook profile. He is with his mother in EVERY damn picture
Everyone from the class wrote rude comments, insults, threats.

He is also bullied in his new school. I have a friend there and he told me they beat the s**t out of him every day.

He is being treated worse in his new school than here, so I guess he's hopeless.
I understand how horrible I've been to him, and I feel sorry.

But I could not control myself!!! Do you even know what that means? It's like some beast takes over me!!

And his mother is also partly guilty. She sent him to school well known for hooligans, drug addicts and other scumbags!
Imagine him, a wimpy asocial kid with all those douches around him.

He is hopeless! He should go to school for retarded kids! No one would bully him there, but that's just my idea
I don't mean to be swearing but how the fuck is he retarded?
Seriously, grow up and be responsible for life. You are in control, not your "For shit and giggles" side to take over you.
   
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  (#37 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 26th 2013, 01:18 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
He's gone now and I guess it's over. But bullying did not stop.
Quote:
Originally Posted by frisoni98 View Post
My friends harass him on facebook. I have no facebook profile, so I'm not a part of that.
I was over at my friends house and he showed me his facebook profile. He is with his mother in EVERY damn picture
Everyone from the class wrote rude comments, insults, threats.

He is also bullied in his new school. I have a friend there and he told me they beat the s**t out of him every day.

He is being treated worse in his new school than here, so I guess he's hopeless.
I understand how horrible I've been to him, and I feel sorry.

But I could not control myself!!! Do you even know what that means? It's like some beast takes over me!!

And his mother is also partly guilty. She sent him to school well known for hooligans, drug addicts and other scumbags!
Imagine him, a wimpy asocial kid with all those douches around him.

He is hopeless! He should go to school for retarded kids! No one would bully him there, but that's just my idea
Have you heard of the term transference? It's a term used when a person transfers something onto something else. In your case, I think because of what's happened to you in the past, all these problems you've faced, you transferred your pain onto this boy and because of how you transferred it, it made you feel better about yourself at the expense of how he felt. I understand that what you've gone through in your past life must have been very hard for you, in fact nearly every single member of TeenHelp has gone through or is still going through a very tough time and bullying is a very common one. I think that because you admitted to bullying this boy, it's also understandable that you've received the replies you have, however I think it's very good that you chose to come and talk about it regardless.

Now that the thing you've transferred your pain on, or this 'beast inside' as you've called it, the object that draws it out has moved away from you, consider finding a much safer way to transfer your pain. I remember you saying that working out only makes you more angry. Why not try something such as going for a solitary walk or take up a new hobby that's calming? It may help you to transfer the pain of your past experience onto something else and something more rewarding.

I know that bullying someone else might make youfeel good and maybe you do it because your friends are doing it too but you're not a sheep, you're a person with your own mind and your own capabilities, break away from your friends and take a leap in a new direction. I can't make you but it would be good to ask your friend to stop bullying this boy over Facebook. If he wasn't bullied at his previous school where you are now, he wouldn't have had to have moved to another school where he continues to be bullied.

If you think you want to make him a man as I recall you saying, don't do it by encouraging he get beaten but encourage him by protecting him and by helping him to work out, by giving him the confidence to stand against bullies in the future and suggest he takes up martial arts to help him gain confidence to stand up to bullies in the future.


Life is for living, not for losing.
   
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  (#38 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 26th 2013, 06:11 PM

Thanks for the replies guys/girls! I know what kind of person I am, and I should definitely seek help, because I might even start going into gang fights if I get older.
As for the kid I bullied, it's too late to help him,because he went to another school.

His mother was to irresponsible to send him from nicest school in the country (my school) to that school. The school he goes to now is well known for gang fights, bullying, drug addicts and MURDERS!
Last year two kids were killed during the fight and the authorities did almost nothing!
How is the poor guy going to survive 4 years in such school. I am seriously worried what might happen. I am very sorry for what I did, but like I said, I lost it! I can't control myself! I have some terrible issues which cause such behavior.
I'm not a hooligan or a scumbag. I'm one of the best students, but there is this evil locked inside me which makes me do all this!

Why am I even saying this when I'll continue doing exactly the same?!
I feel like I'll never change


The burning grief is tormenting me
The hate I feel is destroying me
Only vengeance will give me peace
Only vengeance will set my spirit free
   
  (#39 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 27th 2013, 07:26 PM

Something seems off with this picture. Assuming you are not just trolling, I would like to say a few things.

First of all, don't beat yourself up so much over this. We all have moments when we take our anger out in the wrong way. I understand what it's like to have all this negative emotion build up and then have nowhere to release it. But this is not a justifiable reason to hurt someone else. The boy that you seem to be bullying and abusing is a human being - with feelings and struggles. It isn't fair for you to say that he has no sufferings other than dealing with you. You never know what a person is going through, and you never know how much of an impact you can have on a person. How guilty would you feel if this kid decided to take his own life because you and a couple of kids couldn't keep your thoughts to yourself? Bullying someone to the point where they end their life is technically a form of murder, and I doubt you want that burden on you.

It's so great that you realize this is wrong - you know that what you're doing is an awful thing and deep down inside you want to change. There is still hope for you. But maybe you need to start hanging around different types of people who don't encourage your bullying. Or try to talk to your friends because it seems your "gang" is going to end up hurting a lot of people later in life too. If you decide to pay attention to any one thing I post, let it be this: Please, leave this kid alone. He has honestly suffered through enough it seems, and unless you have good intentions, leave the kid alone.

Also, you say you have a lot of emotions built up - as if there is some "evil" locked inside of you. Can I please recommend you speak to someone about that? A psychologist might be a great idea - they can help you work out your issues because there is probably some reason behind the fact that you have the urge to bully.

Take it from me - you don't want to grow up to feel guilty for all the things you did to your peers back in school. I used to be a compulsive liar in middle school and ruined a lot of chances to be friends with people. I'm a freshman in college now and I still feel extremely guilty and bad for lying to people. I have been able to ask the people I hurt for forgiveness and I can actually live with myself now.

Don't let it come to self-hatred. I promise there's help - just search for it. As for the boy, I think you've done enough to him - it's time you either apologize to him or flat out back off. Good luck. I hope everything works out.
   
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Re: Are we bullying this kid? - October 28th 2013, 06:20 PM

Yes it is . I suggest you stop bullying that kid or you are going to get your punk ass handed to you by a a band of magical bully unicorns.
   
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