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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Maddiystic Offline
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Years Later - October 13th 2013, 05:29 AM

4 or 5 years ago was when the bullying stopped for me.
It had been pretty much all my school life before that. I switched schools and changed my self best I could to be more likable to take full advantage of a fresh start about 5 years ago. It stopped all the bullying and reputation about me.
I'm not going to get into the reasons behind it, because it's a long explanation that I just can't get into right now.

To this date, however, I still am immediately distrustful of other people.
Back then, it was practically everyone I approached who at some point in time turned on me.

It takes a long time for me to gain trust about people. When someone does something nice, I turn away.

Back when we did a dance unit and competition (2 or 3 years ago), I was partnered with a great guy.
He had ADD and sometimes just acted out of line so to speak, and would just say a cheap insult or something and be difficult. But, he really was a great, sweet, smart guy. We talked a lot about books together.

Anyways, after our dance competition, his mom gave him flowers to give to me.
Even though I knew he and his mom meant well and all, I still, at that time, felt like he was trying to make fun of me, although he never truly ever tried to. I refused them outright, got upset (on the inside, I didn't let it show), and just hid off by myself. I wasn't overly rude about it, but I'm pretty sure I hurt his feelings about it, but he's such a great guy, he brushed it off...

I don't know why that comes to mind, but it does. There's more stories I can tell you...
I did go to a therapist awhile back about the bullying. I haven't seen her in a long time and I don't plan on it. I really don't think I need it anyways.

I remember reading a post on another website about a bullying demonstration, and it went like this:

Take a piece of paper, and crumple it. This is being bullied.
Straighten it out: note how it's not straight like before.
Pressure the person who crumpled it to straighten it, and then welcome up others and pressure them to straighten it.
Allow the realization that bullying never fully heals-- the damage is permanent-- to sink in.

I really just wanted to vent here, that I hate I can't bring myself to trust others, and I still look for reasons to avoid other people-- and I get very, very paranoid easily about people and think they're mad at me about something so small (this paranoia came from a friendship I used to have...) or that they were judging me and hating me but being kind to my face.

I hate how I really only assume the worst, and it takes so much self-convincing to bring myself to see that it;s not true at all.

I know there are people like that out there. Every encounter with them increases my paranoia and it doesn't settle for a long time, and rises up again easily.

I'm 15 now, and it all started back as long as I can remember, I'm thankful it has stopped and hasn't risen for years, but why the hell is that fear still there, when I now know such great people? People I trust? Why am I still paranoid about them, my best friends?

Thank you for reading.
   
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BDF Offline
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Re: Years Later - October 13th 2013, 11:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddiystic View Post
I'm 15 now, and it all started back as long as I can remember, I'm thankful it has stopped and hasn't risen for years, but why the hell is that fear still there, when I now know such great people? People I trust? Why am I still paranoid about them, my best friends?

Thank you for reading.
Almost every living on on Earth has evolved to adapt to whatever environment or situation it finds itself in. That applies to humans more than anything.

The distrust you have derives from that. If people are recurrently hurting you emotionally, your mind develops a way to immunize itself better from such harm. On the surface, this may appear to be a good thing, and it can be if it is well managed later on. Sometimes, even on the surface it isn't a good thing, and results in open hostility with some people.

If it is badly managed, it can be awful. I'm reading this book at the moment called "Zero Degrees of Empathy". I think in the second chapter it somewhat illustrates just what severe consequences abuse at a young age has on someone later in life. Abuse obviously includes bullying. There are plenty of other books which describe similar things, it just happens that I'm reading this one right now.


But the important thing really is... it can be turned into a good thing, but it's got to be managed right. You're 15, so there's still plenty of time to set it straight. You being aware of the problem is the biggest step, and far more than what most people achieve. What are the options? The easiest and most practical option probably is to get help from a psychologist on the issues. This website is good, and there are plenty of people willing to help, but it isn't a substitute. The internet isn't a substitute for social interaction of any sort really.

Getting bullied and learning how to cope with it, can teach people how to deal with difficult people later on in life without loosing their nerve. It can give people better stamina, stronger willpower, more open-mindedness and tolerance, because they know from first-hand experience what it is like to suffer at the hands of someone. If someone doesn't learn how to cope with it, like I said earlier, it can be really nasty sometimes. Like with most learning, usually someone is needed to guide you. Hence why I suggested you see a psychologist about these things. I don't know where you live and how practical that is. It might be something you may want to bring up with your parents, or just one of them if you find talking to both at once about this a bit daunting (some people do).


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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Re: Years Later - October 13th 2013, 04:09 PM

Seeing someone for help now would just seem like kicking a long-dead horse.
And, it's not available in our situation. The nearest one is an hour away anyways.

I had two bad friendships with some girls back in elementary school. I didn't want to break it off since it's a small school and it's a lot worse to be in a fight with them. One of them... ah, I don't want to explain. It's a long story. The other got offended over the absolute stupidest things. Gave one friend a sticker and didn't have one for the other? Outright angry. Other friend lied about something/miscommunicated something I never asked them to communicate? Not happy. It's taught me a lot about distrusting people.

I'm not that worried about handling it, though. I can get over it after a small amount of time.

It's random acts from other people that can sometimes upset me though.

Thanks for listening.
   
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BDF Offline
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Re: Years Later - October 13th 2013, 04:40 PM

Check your private messages. I sent you one.

Her advice is usually pretty useful. When I think of it, I can't remember one example when she hasn't been helpful, although I don't really make a point of reading every post she's ever made.

If seeing a psychologist is impractical, then there might be better options. She'll probably know better than I do. I think it's her job. It's what she does for a living. But don't worry, this site is free. lol.

I'm sure it'l be fine in the long run. But bringing the paranoia under control would make your life easier and more pleasant.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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