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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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stelles Offline
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gossiping behind her back - February 13th 2014, 05:40 PM

First off, this might be in the wrong place, i wasn't sure where it fit...
Anyway, one of my best friends has been on my soccer team for about 5 years. She has been bullied in the past for a few different things, and me and other friends usually end up sticking up for her.
A few days ago, she heard that a new girl who joined our team had been talking about how bad my friend was at soccer. My friend was really upset when she heard this, and she has a good reason to be. She loves being on the team and isn't bad at all. Also, the girl who was talking about her has only seen her play a couple times, because in two seasons she has come to about 3 games and maybe 2 practices. She doesn't put in nearly as much effort as my friend does.
So my advice to my friend was to go right up to the girl and stick up for herself. Just tell her as politely as she can that she knows what was said behind her back and she doesn't think someone who never shows up has any right to criticize her. My friend, being shy, wanted me to talk to the girl for her.
So here's the question: should I stick up for her or convince her to do it herself? I've always stepped in for her in the past, but I feel like this is something she can and should handle on her own.


Be yourself, because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
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Re: gossiping behind her back - February 13th 2014, 06:22 PM

Hey there.
I think you should push her a little for her to stick up for herself, and that you will go with her to do so. If you get in front of her, and she can't do it. Then stick up for her. She is your friend, she should have the chance to do it herself, and if she really can't then someone has too.

I'm sorry your friend is going through this, and I hope that things will get better, if the girl doesn't stop, maybe tell your coach, they should be able to talk to her and tell her to stop.

Good luck.
   
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Re: gossiping behind her back - February 14th 2014, 04:04 PM

Hey there,

Have you considered discussing this with your team's coach or trainer? It might be safer to do it this way, as a direct confrontation with the girl who is gossiping behind your friend's back might not be worth risking, it can get messy.

I hope your friend can get help and this stops. I think discussing what's happening with your coach would be the best way to go about it. Take care!

Gareth
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Re: gossiping behind her back - February 14th 2014, 10:56 PM

Thanks for the replies, guys the coach is aware that some of the girls bully some of the others. he can put a stop to it during practices but since the bullying continues at school and usually doesn't stay on the topic of soccer there's not much he can do. I told my friend to talk to the guidance counselor or ask the girl about it at practice where the coach can keep it under control if she starts being bullied.
Thanks again!


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Re: gossiping behind her back - February 15th 2014, 01:20 AM

So I have some advice and a personal story at the same time lol. When I first started high school I was incredibly shy and in instances when someone would say something hurtful towards me or if I was being bullied I would rarely say anything. I kind of just sat there and took it because I didn't know how to stand up for myself. I also had a lot of crappy friends at that time because I didn't know how to stand up for myself in my friendships either. I had one friend who would always stick up for me if she was around when I was having problems with someone. But eventually she told me that I really needed to learn to stop being so nice and to stick up for myself when I need to. And I think she really helped me to learn how to do that.

There are always going to be times in life when we need the ability to stick up for ourselves. Part of life is dealing with difficult people and it's important to know how to defend yourself and handle conflict with others. Maybe you can guide your friend and help her learn how to approach these situations on her own, like how my friend helped me. & This might be a good time to start doing that. I think you should convince her to handle the problem on her own, but also be there to give her support and suggestions on how to fix it. That way you'll still be helping but she'll be learning to solve the conflict on her own.

You seem like you're a really good friend and your friend is lucky to have your support. I hope everything ends up working out well


   
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Re: gossiping behind her back - February 15th 2014, 02:14 AM

Thanks Amanda that was helpful, we were talking about it earlier and she agreed to talk to the girl herself as long as me or someone else was nearby.


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Re: gossiping behind her back - February 16th 2014, 05:12 PM

This is good news. I hope everything works out, and this situation gets sorted for the benefit of your friend. She deserves respect.
   
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