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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Flight Offline
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I don't know what to do - September 27th 2014, 11:18 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of peer pressure or bullying, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Sorry for the long post.

I'm socially awkward, ugly, and stupid and I was bullied in middle school because of it though it was mild (being avoided) until my last year (where everyone decided to laugh and make fun of me in front of me)
I was excited for high school; I wanted a new life. You know, a life where I wouldn't be bullied.
My freshmen year was relatively calm but people started to make fun of me again towards the end of the year.
I hoped everyone would forget over the summer but they didn't.
Well, they left me alone for the first few weeks because they were just talking to their friends about their summer but, when they ran out of things to talk about, they just started to bash me again.
There's no physical violence in this because they know that isn't right and they can get into serious trouble for it so they just gossip, insult, and make fun of me. It really hurts.
(they also take pictures of me with their phones during the "easy" classes... I don't really get why)

I had friends my freshmen year but they learned that if they wanted to be friends with other people, they had to drop me out of their life and follow the trend of hating me

I don't have any trusted adults around me - the teachers won't do anything (I experienced this in middle school; the teachers just followed the "trend") and I'm not close to my parents at all (we're like strangers living in the same house)

I've always ignored it but that just made it worse. They throw random objects at me "on accident" and just insult me when I'm literally behind them.
Once, just once, I talked back. I was really proud of myself. I mean, I finally stood up for myself! But, sadly, that didn't help; they just had more to talk about.

It's hard to wake up in the morning because I don't want to go to school
I don't want to see the faces they make when they see me
I keep repeating to myself, "you'll be fine," and, "slap a smile on your face and you'll be okay," to comfort myself but, when you repeat it to yourself every day, the effect wears off

I don't know what to do anymore; can someone please help me?
   
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Re: I don't know what to do - September 28th 2014, 12:24 AM

Hi there and welcome to TeenHelp!

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling right now. Firstly, I want to point out that you aren't the negative things you call yourself. You aren't stupid or ugly, I promise. It might be hard to see that right now but you'll see it in time. Try to write down some positive things about yourself so you have a reminder. I'll give you a word to start out with: brave. You're really brave for reaching out to us.

Bullying often happens when the perpetrator(s) are unhappy with themselves or are going through some issues of their own. It is how they cope with what they are going through and obviously, this isn't the right way of coping with things. Everyone is different and it seems like ignoring what your classmates are doing isn't working for you. I know how over time you can begin to believe things that are being said to you which is why I really think you'll benefit from some positive self-talk. Also, try to keep distracted so you aren't thinking about the bullying so much. This is a self-harm alternatives thread but it may give you some ideas to keep you busy.

You said you're not too close to your parents and that's okay. Would you like to be closer to them? Maybe you can sit down with them and let them know that you'd like to be closer. Is there anyone that you enjoy being around? If so, try to stay around them as much as possible because you need some positive people in your life.

The teachers aren't listening to you and that can definitely be discouraging, but it's important for you to keep reaching out until someone listens to you. If the teachers won't listen, try going up to school faculty that are higher up, like your guidance counselor, for example. You can also see if you can speak to the principal. Here is a list of people you can ask for help. I want you to know that it's okay to take the mask off. You don't have to hide your feelings, it's better for you to express those.

Let me know if you need anything.


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Re: I don't know what to do - September 28th 2014, 01:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassiopeia. View Post
Spoiler:
Hi there and welcome to TeenHelp!

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling right now. Firstly, I want to point out that you aren't the negative things you call yourself. You aren't stupid or ugly, I promise. It might be hard to see that right now but you'll see it in time. Try to write down some positive things about yourself so you have a reminder. I'll give you a word to start out with: brave. You're really brave for reaching out to us.

Bullying often happens when the perpetrator(s) are unhappy with themselves or are going through some issues of their own. It is how they cope with what they are going through and obviously, this isn't the right way of coping with things. Everyone is different and it seems like ignoring what your classmates are doing isn't working for you. I know how over time you can begin to believe things that are being said to you which is why I really think you'll benefit from some positive self-talk. Also, try to keep distracted so you aren't thinking about the bullying so much.
This is a self-harm alternatives thread but it may give you some ideas to keep you busy.

You said you're not too close to your parents and that's okay. Would you like to be closer to them? Maybe you can sit down with them and let them know that you'd like to be closer. Is there anyone that you enjoy being around? If so, try to stay around them as much as possible because you need some positive people in your life.

The teachers aren't listening to you and that can definitely be discouraging, but it's important for you to keep reaching out until someone listens to you. If the teachers won't listen, try going up to school faculty that are higher up, like your guidance counselor, for example. You can also see if you can speak to the principal. Here is a list of people you can ask for help. I want you to know that it's okay to take the mask off. You don't have to hide your feelings, it's better for you to express those.

Let me know if you need anything.
Thank you. I teared up half way through this and it was somewhat difficult for me to read the second part, haha.
Really? I feel like the bullies do it because they're bored but I wouldn't know (because I don't know them)
In all honesty, I'm somewhat scared of my parents. It's like approaching strangers. I don't really know what to say and I'm worried that I'll make a fool of myself.
Thank you for replying and for the advice. I'll try them out!
   
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Re: I don't know what to do - September 28th 2014, 01:48 AM

Well, it really depends on the individual. Some do it because of problems they're going through and others may choose to jump onto the bandwagon. Most of the time people don't just bully others out of the blue, though; something deeper causes them to bring other people down.

Whether or not you want to talk to your parents is completely up to you, but I don't think you'll make a fool of yourself. Keep in mind that if you're scared to approach them there are ways to make it more comfortable for you. For instance, you can bring whatever you'd like to talk about up in public as your parents will are more likely to stay composed in front of others. If you don't want to have a verbal conversation, you can always write a note and leave it where you'll know they'll find it. Writing a note gives you a lot of extra time to think, too.


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Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
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Re: I don't know what to do - September 28th 2014, 01:53 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassiopeia. View Post
Spoiler:
Well, it really depends on the individual. Some do it because of problems they're going through and others may choose to jump onto the bandwagon. Most of the time people don't just bully others out of the blue, though; something deeper causes them to bring other people down.

Whether or not you want to talk to your parents is completely up to you, but I don't think you'll make a fool of yourself. Keep in mind that if you're scared to approach them there are ways to make it more comfortable for you. For instance, you can bring whatever you'd like to talk about up in public as your parents will are more likely to stay composed in front of others. If you don't want to have a verbal conversation, you can always write a note and leave it where you'll know they'll find it. Writing a note gives you a lot of extra time to think, too.
I see... thank you for the insight!
I could talk to them when they're watching TV or when I help make dinner but I think a note would be the easiest thing for me to do
   
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Re: I don't know what to do - September 28th 2014, 08:56 PM

You're welcome.

If you decide to write your parents a note, let me know if you would like any help writing it out and feel free to let us know how things go.


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The mountains are calling and I must go.
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Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
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Re: I don't know what to do - October 2nd 2014, 09:25 PM

Be patient, one day you will be a adult and these problems will go away
   
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Re: I don't know what to do - October 3rd 2014, 02:19 AM

Hi! I'm here to play devil's advocate. See, in general, I always see posts on here condoning nonviolence and general passivism. Well here's what I say: if people are makin fun of you, stand up tall, look them right in the eye, and tell them to f*** off, and walk away. Don't let your lip tremble and don't let your voice shake, or they'll smell blood. People will come on here to argue that this will start fights. It won't; nothing would surprise these kids more than you, the supposed outsider, telling them to f off with the confidence of someone who has 1000 friends. Note: if you suspect that any of these kids have anger issues, has beaten up people before, or might be in some way crazy, DONT tell them that. Ignore them and be satisfied knowing that they aren't worth your time anyway.
Don't be one to instigate fights though... it has to be completely their fault or people might think your a jerk or crazy. If, on the spectrum of bulliness, what they're doing isn't THAT big of a deal (whispering, pointing, laughing from afar, indirect bullying in general (which is a big deal, but there's worse)) give them a look that says, "do I look like I care? Say it to my face, wuss." They won't exactly feel the satisfaction they were looking for.
In the meantime, when this isn't happening, be the nicest guy in the world. If an incident does happen, everybody will know who's fault it is, and you'll avoid trouble and garner lots of sympathy. And I would recommend befriending your teachers.
Before I get the negative messages I may/may not deserve from the mods, know this: I was treated like dirt 8th grade year because I never stuck up for myself and I allowed people to push me around. If I had stood up for myself one time, I would've sent a message that ruined my bully's credibility and popularity.


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Re: I don't know what to do - October 4th 2014, 05:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flight View Post
Sorry for the long post.

I'm socially awkward, ugly, and stupid and I was bullied in middle school because of it though it was mild (being avoided) until my last year (where everyone decided to laugh and make fun of me in front of me)
I was excited for high school; I wanted a new life. You know, a life where I wouldn't be bullied.
My freshmen year was relatively calm but people started to make fun of me again towards the end of the year.
I hoped everyone would forget over the summer but they didn't.
Well, they left me alone for the first few weeks because they were just talking to their friends about their summer but, when they ran out of things to talk about, they just started to bash me again.
There's no physical violence in this because they know that isn't right and they can get into serious trouble for it so they just gossip, insult, and make fun of me. It really hurts.
(they also take pictures of me with their phones during the "easy" classes... I don't really get why)

I had friends my freshmen year but they learned that if they wanted to be friends with other people, they had to drop me out of their life and follow the trend of hating me

I don't have any trusted adults around me - the teachers won't do anything (I experienced this in middle school; the teachers just followed the "trend") and I'm not close to my parents at all (we're like strangers living in the same house)

I've always ignored it but that just made it worse. They throw random objects at me "on accident" and just insult me when I'm literally behind them.
Once, just once, I talked back. I was really proud of myself. I mean, I finally stood up for myself! But, sadly, that didn't help; they just had more to talk about.

It's hard to wake up in the morning because I don't want to go to school
I don't want to see the faces they make when they see me
I keep repeating to myself, "you'll be fine," and, "slap a smile on your face and you'll be okay," to comfort myself but, when you repeat it to yourself every day, the effect wears off

I don't know what to do anymore; can someone please help me?

Wow.
I went through nearly the exact same experience, freshman year.
I went through all the teasing and leaving out and making fun of... I know exactly what you're talking about.

My advice to you is to start talking back. It made you feel good when you did it that one time, right? Eventually, if you keep standing up to them, one day, it'll shut them right up. God, I just want to fucking slap these people for hurting you, because I feel so strongly about this subject. It's personal.

Even though you don't think the teachers/principal/school counselor will listen, it wouldn't hurt to try, at this point. And as for your parents, you should try to get closer to them. I know that at this point in your life, the last thing you want to do is start hanging out with your parents. But seriously, don't avoid them, embrace them. One day, you're going to move out and you're not going to have them to look after you anymore. It may not feel like they're looking after you now, but trust me, they love you.
They'll listen.

You could try Googling some good comebacks, and make a mental list of them. That helped me defeat my bullies. The comebacks and standing up for myself helped shut up some of my weaker bullies, but the stronger ones...like you said...just used that as more material to make fun of me.

And I'm honestly not sure what to do about the ones who fight back even more. What happened with mine, is they switched schools sophomore year, so I was only left with the minor bullies, whom I had already tamed.

All I can say is, keep on fighting, kid. Do whatever you can in your power to bring them down. It might take some planning and slow preparation, but whatever you do, don't let them destroy you. In the long run, high school is just a small, stupid part of our lives.
They'd love to see you fall down now.


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Re: I don't know what to do - October 5th 2014, 07:00 PM

Wow, it seems you must have a though life at high school. I can imagine why you must be upset. Having no friends and people constantly making fun of you is not fun at all. I would suggest you ignore them. People who do that are insecure themselves and find amusement of making fun of others. Which makes them feel better. Later in life they will not get far by doing that. just ignore people. Or stand up for yourself.
   
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