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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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i dont know how i feel - February 29th 2016, 10:08 PM

Something my therapist brings up periodically is the notion that going to high school was a major shift but then inquiring what kind of impact it had on me. How devastating or distressing was this shift. I told him academically it was way harder than the small religious school I went to. And there were shifts at home too. But for me in social relations I am not quite sure. It seems nothing changed per se. I was hesitant to even call it "being picked on" in my head I see it as being socially rejected because I'm a loser. But when asked I say it wasn't bad. It wasn't bullying. I have a hard time calling it bullying. I honestly don't know what it is. So he ended up concluding that high school wasn't particularly devastating for me but other things were going on that time. I told him things were worse at the yeshiva school. But I can't really decide if it was that bad then either. Something tells me I deserved what I got so it doesn't count and plus it was not only not severe enough but also not physical. There was social rejection and commentary and certain ways I was treated that was different than others in the room. And I felt upset but I was also thinking it isn't new. I'm horrible and so wherever I go these things will be expected.

Also the source of possible explanations is too shameful to even speak about. I can't even tell. I just don't know. Should I just let it slide and say nothing was really a matter or should I bring it up and say I was brushing it off but really it did affect me. But it mostly just reinforced things about how I could never fit in.
   
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Re: i dont know how i feel - February 29th 2016, 11:47 PM

Hey there.

First of you are worth so much and don't let anyone make you believe otherwise. Now just because you are used to it does not mean in any way that it is not bullying. Secondly, wether or not it's physical does not change the fact that it's bullying either. If someone is repeatedly and purposely excluding you, calling you names, hurting you physically, or otherwise that IS bullying.

Now what you have to do is decide wether or not to let them hurt you. Now I know that's easier said than done. I also now that things still hurt even is you don't care about it, but it does help. I can completely relate when it comes to the social exclusion but any rude comments or remarks can be reported to your teachers as verbal harassment. Write down anything they say and then show it to the teachers. This does help.

I once again want to stress that NO one including you ever deserves to be put down or be hurt emotionally in any way. If you continue to think like that you will be hurting yourself even more than they are hurting you and you deserve so much more.

You can also talk to your therapist about these feelings and the bullying, because that is what it is, bullying. They can help you both personally by helping you feel with your emotions and may even be able to intervene at your school if they are aware of what is going on. NEVER justify someone's hurtful actions or words, because you are worth so much. If you really feel that it's not severe enough to be considered bullying, which from the sound of it it is, you still cannot believe anything those hurtful people say. You will fit in somewhere you just have to find the right place for you. Try joining a club or activity that suits your interests, that is a great way to make new friends with the same interests as you and will give you a place to "belong" I know it sounds cheesy but you really can make yourself a winner, you just have to believe in yourself because if you can then everyone else will believe in you too. Good luck I hope this helped. Feel free to PM


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Re: i dont know how i feel - March 1st 2016, 08:54 PM

I didn't get to read through the previous response so hopefully I don't sound too repetitive.

I think it's common for people to kind of downplay their experiences with bullying, especially because there's a lot of shame and it is hard for people to begin to accept what they went through. The worst thing about acceptance is that it takes so long to build up, but it's very easy to knock it back down again so working with your acceptance is kind of a constant job. I think you could benefit from making some kind of statement and repeating it to yourself to help remind you that you were bullied and you didn't deserve what you went through.

I definitely think you should tell your therapist that you were downplaying your experiences and what happened to you really did have an impact on you. It's best to be as honest as you can in therapy, even if it is really hard and shameful for you. Talking about the things you feel ashamed of will take away their power and make you feel less ashamed overall. Maybe you can write things down for your therapist if you feel too embarrassed to discuss them.


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