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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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Question I feel like I'm being drove out of town. - June 25th 2016, 11:09 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of peer pressure or bullying, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

A couple of days ago, a bunch of (for lack of a better word for this right now) drama happened between me and my mothers side of the family. Now not all the family. Just the drug addicts. Anywho, I feel as if I'm being harassed all the time now. If I walk outside to mow the lawn, these cars pass back and forth and yell things like 'whore' and 'slut' out side the window. I get dirty looks when I go shopping and see a family member. They even go so far as to laugh at me and point calling me 'fat' if they see me ordering fast food.

I never realized that all of this would cause such a huge distress in my life in such a short few days. It's so bad that I can't even go to church on Sunday because they know where I attend, and harass me, or follow very close behind my car flashing their lights and beeping. I've tried reporting it to the police, but they said without hard evidence, it's my word against theirs. I feel so helpless, and I really don't feel safe in my own home anymore, but I really don't feel safe leaving it. I have no idea what to do.

Jordan has been out of town this week, and won't return until Monday morning. My Mamaw is here, but I doubt she would be of much help if something happened. She can't drive, and has a hard time moving around. She is only here while Jordan is gone so I can help care for her, and give her a break from an Aunt she lives with, who is raising two grandchildren, and it's always loud and hectic for her there.

Anywho, I also have Ava here, and I honestly wouldn't put it past them to harm her if push came to shove. I took and emergency protection order out on them, but I found out today (I just checked the mail this morning) that it was denied. I honestly do feel so helpless. I have no idea how to handle this. I would have hoped that since we are all grown adults we could act like it, but I never imagined that I would be bullied even worse as an adult, and from my own family no less.

Granted, I realize now I shouldn't be so surprised by this. I just feel heavy and broken down. I've talked to my bishop about it, and I've been praying for guidance on what to do or how to handle it. I just feel so nervous and scared all the time, and what makes all of this even worse is that I had just gotten over this. Over being afraid of leaving the house, and being afraid of going anywhere alone. I had finally pushed through my fear, and went for it, and I was doing great.

Now I'm right back to square one, and while I'm so thankful for my husband, who truly is giving me so much support and love right now, it's hard for him to really understand how I feel, as he has never dealt with a situation similar. His family are lovely to him, and would never abuse or bully him like mine is doing now and has done in the past. Nor does he have Social Anxiety. He is actually a social butterfly and really enjoys hanging out with friends, and going places.

I feel like such a failure. I also feel sad for my husband. He chooses to stay home with me when I'm like this, even though I tell him to go out and have fun, he feels guilty that I'm home alone. I'm thankful that he is so thoughtful and loving, but it also puts pressure on me because I know he would have more fun out. I also feel bad for Ava. She enjoys going to the park, the movies, and to the library and now I don't feel safe going to either of those places. At least not without Jordan.

I just feel so trapped, and I'm sure they are getting enjoyment watching me suffer, and knowing that I feel this depressed and cut off. Which in turn makes me angry. Anyway, I just really needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for allowing me to rant.


"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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Re: I feel like I'm being drove out of town. - June 27th 2016, 05:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Calaer View Post
I've tried reporting it to the police, but they said without hard evidence, it's my word against theirs.
Then get evidence. Record them. When you go to the shopping mall, know where the cameras are. Get some witnesses to take your side.

I'm not quite the touchy-feely type, so that's the most genuine advice I can offer.

You're going to keep feeling scared, put down, diminished, and inferior, if you allow these kinds of people to walk over you this much. And that feeling is unlikely to go away, even if those people stop being a part of your life. You need to retaliate somehow. Many people assume that means physically. No. Use the police, firstly. Use anything you can.

It's different ignoring an occasional snide comment made by people, and putting up with what you are putting up with. You shouldn't tolerate it.

P.S. wait until you have a compilation of evidence. Don't just record them once, with a shaky camera, feel really proud of yourself, and go running to the police with that. It's unlikely to work, and you will just give yourself away and open yourself to even more abuse in the process. Wait until you have enough evidence for it to infallible. Time stamped, clear faces. The more information the better. License plates, when they drive by.

.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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Re: I feel like I'm being drove out of town. - June 28th 2016, 02:34 PM

Thanks for the advice. I suppose I could try doing something like that.


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Re: I feel like I'm being drove out of town. - June 30th 2016, 08:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Calaer View Post
Thanks for the advice. I suppose I could try doing something like that.
And I hope things work out for you.

I remembered this thread when I was on the bus today, and I just wanted to add something else, because I know this to not only be true for me, but many people. Maybe even most people.

I've sort of said it already, but I'd like to word it differently.

You're going to keep feeling scared, put down, diminished, and inferior, if you allow these kinds of people to walk over you this much. And that feeling is unlikely to go away, even if the people you mentioned stop being a part of your life... because, you will meet other people in the future. Hopefully, that's at least another 50 years of life, and that means you will meet plenty of people in the meantime. Not all the people you will meet in the future will be decent. That's obvious. But if you let those people you mentioned walk over you now... all those feelings, anger, inferiority, will echo in your head every time you have to deal with someone in the future who behaves in any similar way towards you, even if they do it far less extremely.

I suppose this effect is a lot like a mild version of PTSD. I think you deserve better than to live with something like that.

I had to put up with some family-related "bullying". This was relatively recent (about 3 years ago). I was 22 already though, and had been through enough by then for it to not get under my skin much. I won't say it didn't bother me. I had dealt with bullying before, and learned to cope a while back. Also, it involved somewhat distant family, which is not the same as a row with someone who you live in the same house or neighborhood with. The details aren't too interesting, and probably not relatable for most people.

My mum's side of the family is Polish, my father's English. There are many cultural things which go with that, some good some bad. What's relevant out of all of those things, is that Polish people are quite Christian, and life tends to be very family-orientated. That can be both good and bad. I'm focusing on the bad here, because that's what caused the conflict between us. There are often certain "expectations" in tight-nit families, like that those who earn more or have more, should pay more, or "must" share it. With Poland's history of oppression/communist poverty, some people there have got the impression that anyone coming from Western countries has so much money that they piss green, shit green, and wipe their ass with even more green.

Now, there's a difference between asking for help in whatever form (money or not), and feeling entitled to it. If someone asks for help, they understand (at least at a subconscious level) that there is no such thing as unconditional help. But feeling entitled to it... is the opposite. It's a one-way street. Healthy/functional relationships between any people, are not ever "one-way". It goes both ways. Something for something. This applies to everything. For example, the kinds of households where one person does all the housework & cooking while others watch TV... it doesn't work, and usually something eventually snaps.

My mum got sick of them long ago, and broke off contact. It was not all just about money though from what I heard. Some personal things too... but I'm writing about my own conflict, not theirs. I got older, and wanted to get back in touch with my mum's side of the family myself. It was a mistake. I won't lie, we have more money than average even by UK standards (hence why I said my situation is not very relatable)... which did more harm than good concerning family matters. It came down to the same old thing my mum warned me about, and which I should have listened to. We would go out together for lunch for example, and at the end, they would all suddenly get up and leave me with the fking bill. That kind of shit. But then it got serious when I did something stupid and lent one of them money. I wasn't thinking clearly. Skipping details, I ended up getting debt collectors involved because I got fed up of hearing bullshit. They pushed me too much, and everyone was worse off for it, including myself. And I of course also got my earful of abuse and name calling, from Jew, to "son of a bitch". To speak the truth, the "abuse" made me laugh. Perhaps that's wrong. Or not. Who knows. I'd been through worse before.

Police never got involved. Didn't need to, because they never dared do something like roll up to my house though and confront me over the fence. I guess they were piss scared of my mum. My mum didn't get involved that time. In fact, I never even told her I contacted them. I knew she wouldn't approve. She still doesn't know. We're still sort of living in Poland at the moment (I'm finishing university in 1 week). I don't feel like telling her while we're here... because I'm kind of bothered that she might go ballistic and go to "war" with them again or do something else unnecessary. She can be like that.

I overheard some strangers' conversation today, which triggered me into thinking back about all of those things on the bus today... which then reminded me of your thread here.

.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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Re: I feel like I'm being drove out of town. - June 30th 2016, 09:45 PM

Thank you. Honestly. Your advice has honestly made me feel better, and has given me a bit of confidence to stand up for myself. I went out today, and I wasn't nearly as afraid about it.


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Re: I feel like I'm being drove out of town. - July 2nd 2016, 09:46 AM

Is that more about this theme??
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Re: I feel like I'm being drove out of town. - July 3rd 2016, 02:21 PM

I'm sorry. I'm not sure what you mean?


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Re: I feel like I'm being drove out of town. - July 5th 2016, 03:36 PM

As suggested, if you can record what they're doing, that might help a lot. Also, try to get witnesses to write down what they see because that could help a lot.

Can you change the locks on the doors of your house or anything like that?




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Re: I feel like I'm being drove out of town. - July 5th 2016, 06:28 PM

I could, but I'm not really sure what changing the locks are going to do? They don't have a key to my home?


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