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I'm not sure where this thread belongs... Feel jilted. - November 29th 2016, 08:36 AM

I've got this hatred for musicals.

I wanted to talk about it because I don't know if I'm being melodramatic.

In the early years of high school (I'm almost finished) we did a lot of musical stuff in drama (it was compulsory for grade 8 & 9).

The first thing was performing a musical number. Our group chose Footloose from the list. We had to sing live in class, given only the backing track. I love to sing but I'm not good... At least that's what everyone (mom, dad, drama teacher...) says; I don't think I'm that bad. Anyway, my best friend (ex) and I were the only 2 who would sing, so we split the solos with everyone singing the chorus. Two of our group were mega shy and the other two were Chinese students that barely spoke English and used translators in class to understand. The day came and my best friend didn't show up, not telling anyone even though she had been in class the days before; she comes up in various situations so let's call her Jane. I had no choice but to sing her role and our teacher ended up giving me marks for bravery. It felt like a slap in the face.

We knew that one of the projects the following year was a music video. Jane and I were already sifting through ideas and songs, pretty excited. When it came to the following year and picking groups, she joined another group without telling me. So I had my mega shy friend again (let's call her Emma) and the two Chinese girls (let's call them Sue and Pam). Super upset, our video ended up super emo and we got a rubbish mark.

I was pretty sick of everything revolving around music and not dialogues and scenes.

Later in the year we had to perform another live musical number. The group was me, Jane, Emma, Sue and Pam. We wanted to do a duet between Jane and myself. After tirelessly looking I decided our only choice would be Defying Gravity from Wicked. Jane being petite and pretty and sweet was Glinda. That left me as Elphaba and having to sing the bulk of the song. I did it and once again got a rubbishy mark, despite our classmates saying stuff like "I didn't know you could sing so well!" to me during practices.

The big school plays were always musicals, which I thought was bull. It's drama, we should be focused on acting and having great singers in the major roles meant that acting suffered astronomically. It was grade 10 and we were doing Grease. If I wanted a part I had to audition so I auditioned for Rizzo. It took balls of steel after all my previous musical failures and Jane auditioned for Sandy. My drama teacher put me through to call backs and asked me to prepare two songs, auditioning for Rizzo and Marty. I was over the moon, I couldn't believe it. The call backs list was put up and my name was nowhere to be seen. I had to go out of my way and ask my teacher where my name was, after all I was prepping for 2 roles. She told me I wasn't good enough. I felt so embarrassed. Doing the call backs and not getting a part would've been one thing, but to be given a call back and have it ripped away from me without her even saying anything to me was devastating and I was mad. I'm actually getting teary just writing about it. I got the role of the principal and had to sit through hours of nightly rehearsals watching Jane as Frenchy. All the rehearsals focused on the musical numbers so I sat there like a lump every night for two hours. I was awful and all I did was stir in my pain. I ended up having a break down and being hospitalized before we were anywhere near performing. I never went back to school after that, although I tried initially. People acted like a didn't have a melt down, cut my hair off and be gone for months, even Jane.

My sister still goes to school there and we live right across the road. I hate it. I hate Jane. I hate the effing school. I hate that effing teacher and I hate musicals.

I don't know if I'm being irrational about it all, but I know I still hold a grudge and hate the woman with every fiber of my being for what she put me through.
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Re: I'm not sure where this thread belongs... Feel jilted. - November 30th 2016, 02:48 PM

I don't think it's irrational at all. Your feelings are valid and justified. You had some bad experiences with musicals and things relating to them, and so it's only natural for you to dislike them. Eventually, that could be something that changes if you ever have a good experience with one, but I don't think there's a problem with not liking them because of what you went through.

Holding a grudge can sometimes be exhausting and even unhealthy. Have you thought about writing a letter as though you're writing her to get things out of your head? Eventually, if you're ready, maybe you can work on forgiveness so you can let go of the grudge and feel free from it.

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