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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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Unhappy What does it mean when people stare at each other when you're talking - January 24th 2018, 01:01 AM

What does it mean when people stare at each other (or, as they say, "lock eyes with each other") when you are talking?
It happens to me a lot. In my small circle of friends, whenever i try to say something, they all look up at me and just kind of glance at each other briefly before responding. A lot of times they do this while I'm talking too.

Does it mean there's something wrong with me? The friends that do this the most are the ones that label me as "awkward" most often. It kind of brings my self-esteem down when people do this cuz it makes me feel stupid and foolish. It also makes my anxiety 10x worse and now it has happened so often that my anxiety has reached its peak and I cannot speak at school at all to ANYONE. I sit alone and when i say one or two words to my friends or teachers it is barely a whisper.

I talk and everyone just kind of glances at each other briefly and then look away. It makes me feel so insecure and awkward. And they dont do this to each other!!!
   
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Re: What does it mean when people stare at each other when you're talking - January 24th 2018, 03:52 AM

as much as i don't want to tell you the truth, usually people do that when someone says something confusing, offensive, and yeah, even awkward. it's just this sort of mutual understanding, and people will look to others to look for clarification on what the person just said or to see if they feel the same way about it.
unfortunately, often times in social groups, that could be used as a way to silently acknowledge something that might be an inside joke or something that they have talked about before.

i know that in my friend group, when i do that with another friend, it's usually to see if they're on the same page as i am, when someone else is talking that i don't agree with. or if someone says something stupid, i will look to one of my friends to see if they think it's as stupid as i know it is. it's this type of confirmation in a way. we get social cues off of each other.

honestly, i think you should find new friends if that happens every single time you say something. sometimes in friend groups, they will pick a scapegoat who is the butt of every joke and doesn't really fit in. after someone is determined to be the scapegoat, usually nothing they say will be taken seriously. everyone is just waiting for them to say something stupid so they can laugh about it later.
maybe talk to someone in your group who you feel closest to about it. ask them why everyone judges you simply for talking.

but no, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. your friends seem too dramatic and immature to be able to give you the support and care that you deserve from good friends.



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Re: What does it mean when people stare at each other when you're talking - January 25th 2018, 03:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jess~ View Post
as much as i don't want to tell you the truth, usually people do that when someone says something confusing, offensive, and yeah, even awkward. it's just this sort of mutual understanding, and people will look to others to look for clarification on what the person just said or to see if they feel the same way about it.
unfortunately, often times in social groups, that could be used as a way to silently acknowledge something that might be an inside joke or something that they have talked about before.

i know that in my friend group, when i do that with another friend, it's usually to see if they're on the same page as i am, when someone else is talking that i don't agree with. or if someone says something stupid, i will look to one of my friends to see if they think it's as stupid as i know it is. it's this type of confirmation in a way. we get social cues off of each other.

honestly, i think you should find new friends if that happens every single time you say something. sometimes in friend groups, they will pick a scapegoat who is the butt of every joke and doesn't really fit in. after someone is determined to be the scapegoat, usually nothing they say will be taken seriously. everyone is just waiting for them to say something stupid so they can laugh about it later.
maybe talk to someone in your group who you feel closest to about it. ask them why everyone judges you simply for talking.

but no, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. your friends seem too dramatic and immature to be able to give you the support and care that you deserve from good friends.

thanks. the truth really hurts (not your fault, needed to hear it from someone tbh)

this literally happens SO FREAKING often when i try to talk to people at school. i guess im just .. awkward? people tell me that i am a lot. i dont know how to fix it, and people telling me it makes me become even more awkward cuz of how paranoid i get about 'being' awkward...if that makes sense.
   
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Re: What does it mean when people stare at each other when you're talking - January 25th 2018, 05:43 AM

no, i know exactly what you mean. about being so awkward that you start to be awkward about how awkward you are being.

i can relate a lot to what you're saying because i was just like you back in freshman year of high school. i had "friends", but i was so quiet that they would make fun of me (not a lighthearted friendly way either, but a pretty bad, almost borderline bullying way) for being quiet and not saying anything. but every single time i said something, people would either ignore it and pretend they didn't hear me, or laugh about it and just tell me i was better off not talking because nothing i said mattered.
at least in my situation, they really spelled it out for me, whereas with your "friends" they're leaving you so unaware about being called out for what you say.

honestly i think everyone goes through an awkward stage. it's part of growing and maturing, and the people who seem like they've been confident their whole life are actually freaking out deep down. trust me. i actually became really good friends with one of the most popular people from freshman year, and we were talking the other day when he mentioned that he used to be super shy, but he would try to hide it for fear of being bullied for it. and basically, just faking his confidence was how he became actually confident.

a similar thing happened for me. sophomore year i decided i was done with the way people treated me, and that i wasn't going to care about it anymore. i was just going to do me, and whoever stuck by my side was a true friend. i actually got pretty aggressive that year, pushed people, walked in peoples way and told them to "move it", made a lot of threats, and got in trouble with teachers. but that was just my way of showing people that i wasn't going to be pushed around anymore.
the truth is, i was terrified through every minute of doing that. i was completely faking all of it. i didn't like being a bad kid. i didn't like getting in trouble. and i DEFINITELY didn't like making enemies. i was also all alone for a good portion of that phase, until i started to find friends who respected me.
guess what?
i would have never found those friends if i never started to respect myself first.

i'm not trying to make this about me, i just wanted to show you a few cases of similar situations, because i believe you can get through this like my friend and i did too.
honestly, my advice is to fake it until you make it. pretend that you're confident and sure of yourself and eventually it will start to show.

i'm not telling you to get as aggressive as i did, but it's okay if, the next time you say something and your friends glance at each other, it's okay if you call them out on that. just be like, "dude, what the hell? what's your problem?" it's okay to provoke and be confrontational, and i guarantee that if you stand your ground, people will start to respect you a whole lot more.


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Re: What does it mean when people stare at each other when you're talking - January 25th 2018, 07:29 PM

There are a number of different reasons why people do this. The above user stated some of the reasons but some other reasons could be to determine how another person is feeling about a particular subject that is being discussed. I have a friend that knows a ton about me so when certain topics come up he will make eye contact to determine if I am handling the subject okay or if I need to get a bit of breather. A lot of the time making eye contact in this manner is a way to silently communicate something.

The fact that they do this every single time you talk, indicates to me that they might be doing it with more hurtful intentions. I agree that it might be worth trying to find new friends or new people to hang out with. I know doing that will not be easy but you shouldn't feel insecure and awkward every time you talk to your friends.

Something I want to point out is that even though these people might think you are awkward there are going to be a ton of people who won't agree with that. I know, that I come across as awkward because I am really quiet around people until I get comfortable with them. In high school, most of the kids thought I was awkward/weird etc. When I was 19 I was able to find people who accepted me for me and they don't view me as awkward. I have even joined groups and things like that in my city and none of those people find me awkward either ... mostly just quiet/shy. So, yeah, right now people might think you are 'awkward' but that doesn't mean you truly are and even if you might be 'awkward' there are plenty of people who will accept you and genuinely care about you. Also, to be honest, I think that most people are awkward in some way.

Please try not to let their comments or actions get to you. I know that is really hard to do but these people might not even be that important once you get older. I mean, I don't talk to that many people that I knew in high school or early college.

I really hope this helped and I am wishing you the best of luck.


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Re: What does it mean when people stare at each other when you're talking - January 26th 2018, 12:35 AM

thanks guys.
i shouldnt over exaggerate cuz it doesnt like LITERALLY happen every single time one word comes out of my mouth, but it does happen a lot and i dont think they mean to hurt my feelings. one of my guy friends from our circle of friends does it the most, and i think hes the only one who does it with bad intentions -- the rest of them dont mean to. its just that he told me he thought i was awkward, and he is the one that does it the most. its really annoying.

but other people at school do it ALOT. thats why its hard to approach people to talk and stuff. but whatever i mean, i guess thats just what happens when ur a socially weird person LOL

i think i'll learn to live with it, and maybe one day find someone who accepts me for me.
   
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