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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

View Poll Results: How long did Bullying affect you?
Only a few months 1 3.23%
1 year 2 6.45%
3 years or more 11 35.48%
My whole childhood/life 17 54.84%
Voters: 31. You may not vote on this poll

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 22nd 2009, 08:49 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

How long can bullying effect you for? A year? Two years? Longer?

My mom argues that bullying can only affect you for a short time; then, you 'forget' about it and move on, and are expected to fully forgive whoever bullied you.

I beg to differ.

Bullying does have long-term effects on your life. Some people are bullied so badly, that even when they get through it, they're never the same person again. They've been mentally tormented beyond repair, and some are even diagnosed with mental problems afterwards.

I want to know. Can you recall a time in your life when you were bullied the most? Are you still going through it? How long did bullying affect your life?
   
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 22nd 2009, 09:54 PM

I've been bullied by my brother and mom all my life, and when I started public school, my peers. My worst time was in middle school. I literally can't remember anything good that happened those three years, but I remember every harsh word or dirty look I got. I also remember one boy a grade ahead of me shoving me into the wall by the bathroom every morning in 8th grade. I'm still having huge issues with self-esteem, and am still teased from time to time, and I have depression and also cut myself.


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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 22nd 2009, 10:00 PM

I was bullied through alot of my school life.
I find social situations harder, I hate people laughing at me in a negative way... it just makes me feel embaressed and belittled like I was for years.
Infact it enfuriates me when family do it to me.
I think it will always affect me, but it's not a serious problem.
As you stated someone are left badly affected mentally and stuff, I'm insecure and get agrovated when laughed at. Nothing too major.
   
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 23rd 2009, 01:23 PM

I was bullied my whole school life, and I still am a bit now. The worst time was when I was in the last year of secondary school when I was 15-16. I was physicallly and verbally bullied, I was punched, I had a stone hit me in the mouth etc. Bullying has definately affected me long term, I started to develop depression when I was about 10, and although a lots happened since then, I am still trying to shift this. I suffer from a none existant self esteem too.




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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 23rd 2009, 08:14 PM

Well I was bullied sometimes crossing into abuse for about a year, This is what I voted, however I still very much remember it.
   
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 23rd 2009, 09:50 PM

Bullying pushed me to harm myself. Then it became a three year struggle.


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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 24th 2009, 10:05 AM

i got bullied all through high school, and threw my first year of college i got bullied aswell, and i still get bullied i get bullied by local kids who dont like how i dress.
   
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 24th 2009, 12:19 PM

I'm currently in my school life and I cannot really remember a day when I was truly completely happy. A skill that I have either acquired or been born with is to naturally seem happy whilst completely breaking apart from the inside.

I've always been bullied, because I am too smart and mature for my age. I tend not to partake in the traditional activities that a normal 13 year old - shopping, gossiping, etc.

Since my parents are from a different generation than most parents of my generation, I have different ideas of fun. I find reading and listening to music fun and relaxing, whilst most my age would probably find hanging around on the street and making fun of people who aren't like them more fun.

Whilst the music I listen to can be considered popular, I don't quite like the sort of thing that Lady GaGa or Dizzee Rascal do particularly good or interesting.

Since I am very different to most in my school or year, I am bullied. I think, even when I was 5 that I was bullied. I don't remember a single day in my school life where I haven't been jibed at or stared at because of my difference.


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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 24th 2009, 02:08 PM

Hmm. I think this is quite a tricky one to answer, but I'll give it my best shot.

I have to agree with your mum on some parts of this though. I think after a while, I did forget about some parts of it, and I have moved on. I think lingering over what has happened is worse. Although it is still going on, it's a different group of people now, and it affects me differently. It's always occured to me that the people that bully others are usually the ones trying to protect themselves, or there social status! To me now, although yeh it can be upsetting, and it does occasionally get out of hand, I kinda pity the people that feel that they can't be nice to someone who's different

I can't remember a time when there wasn't someone to take the mick, but I think this year has probably been the worst. The whole bitchy teenage girl culture really annoys me

On a completly different note to end with though, if anyone wants to talk about any of this, or something that's upsetting them, just drop me a message.

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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 24th 2009, 02:37 PM

I think how long it effects you depends on what type of bullying it was and how long it went on. If it was something minor then the chances are you'll most likely forget about it later on in life but if it was something major that caused you a lot of upset and hurt then I don't think you'll forget it and move on, some people might but it could be one of those things that effects you for the rest of your life and as said, it could change the person you are.

I was bullied but it wasn't that bad. It was mainly because I hardly spoke, I was always really quiet and people would say things to get me to talk and then laugh and cheer when I finally did, this is something that I got use to quick because I am always quiet and people always comment. The other thing was my sexuality but that wasn't that bad or that much and I completely forgot about it and brushed it off.
   
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 24th 2009, 02:44 PM

Bullying hasn't effected me in the long term, but it had a really severe impact on my boyfriend. To this day, much of his emotional attitude/view on things is skewed by the fact he was bullied so horribly in school and his parents never took it seriously. He also struggles in social situations because he's worried about how he'll be seen if he's "himself". He's moved on from it but he tends to justify a lot of his behavior from it, so he's still working on it, and he's almost 22.

Like Charlie said, it always depends on the extent of the bullying. I also think it depends on how it's handled at home, if anyone knows.
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 24th 2009, 02:56 PM

I think it depends a lot on the support that you get at the time. I think if you have a strong support network around you either when you are experiencing the bullying or soon after dealing with it is more effective and allows you to move forwards probably sooner than if you didn't have that support.
   
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 24th 2009, 04:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlie View Post
I think how long it effects you depends on what type of bullying it was and how long it went on. If it was something minor then the chances are you'll most likely forget about it later on in life but if it was something major that caused you a lot of upset and hurt then I don't think you'll forget it and move on, some people might but it could be one of those things that effects you for the rest of your life and as said, it could change the person you are.

I agree with you. I was sometimes picked on in elementary and middle school, and I was the odd one out on a few occasions. But the people that I got into fights with were my friends, and we made up within a week. Now I look back at it, we fought over the stupidest stuff- what game to play for recess, grades, what our favorite pokemon was. It's really funny when I look back at it. We didn't take personal jabs on people's looks, or who they were as a person. We just fought over people's opinions.

I kinda wish I had went to a public school when I was a kid so I could've 'toughened up' from an early age. I've gone to private school my whole life, and it doesn't help prepare you for the real world. It's like they put you in a 'safety' bubble that hides you from what's out there.
But I liked my old school, and it made me who I am today, and even if I had the option to go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing.
   
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 24th 2009, 04:57 PM

In music class when I was younger, people teased me saying that my voice sounded bad and that I couldn't sing. I stopped singing. I still hate to sing in front of people because I think that when we were younger, they were honest and my voice is horrible. I only feel comfortable singing in the car with my mom, not even my boyfriend. :/
   
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 24th 2009, 05:24 PM

Well personally, i think the bullying has affected me in more ways than i'd like to let on. I used to be very outgoing and confident, now i suffer with social anxiety - i can no longer look at people in the eyes, i blush and break out in sweats etc.

I also have OCD, depression and other such behavioural 'abnormalities'. A lot of these have yet to be diagnosed but i can FEEL the changes within myself so to say i am simply 'assuming' would be ridiculous as i know i have completely changed, gone to the opposite end of the spectrum so to speak

The bullying is rarer these days but due to the previous bullying and taunting in which i endured; i now have an unfathomable amount of paranoia which leads me to believe people are always laughing and talking about me. I guess this will pretty much effect me for the rest of my life until i am old enough and free enough to make my own independent choices in terms of medical care and mental health care.


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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 25th 2009, 04:44 PM

when i got bullied in high school it got pretty bad, i was bullied on the school bus in the mornings girls would make me stand and would'nt me sit down, people would call me names, push me into walls and punch me, my friend even went and stole my lunch money from me, people would spread rumours about me, push me into things, call me names, run off with my things, and try and break me and my friends up. i am now friends with one of the girls who bullied me we get on quite well now she even apologised to me, for what did to me at school, so i forgave her, but i still cant forget what she did, i probably never will. i now get bullied by local kids who live near me.
   
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 26th 2009, 01:11 AM

I truly believe that bullying can have a long-term effect on one's life. If a person were constantly bullied, say at the age 5, when they're trying to make new friends at school, the person may feel badly towards school and may have a first impression of anxiety in social situations at school.

Whether someone forgives or forgets the effects of the bullying is dependent of the mindset of the person. Forgiving and forgetting in most cases, I would believe is the best route. To have a roadblock like that is hard to get over and would prevent a person from dabbling in new opportunities.

It really all depends on how someone was raised in order to deal with bullying, as well as the support system the bullied person has as others have mentioned.

I remember I was bullied the most at around age 12 when I was in the 8th grade. The effects carried over to high school, so I would say it affected me for a really long time and it still does affect me to this day.
   
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 26th 2009, 01:28 PM

I was a bigger girl (BBW) like my whole school life, so people around me liked to make fun of me. I was physically and mentally abused on a daily basis. I became self destructive durring grade 7. Near the summer before grad 8 I became addicted to Oxycotton, and just kinda quit carring about it and let them do what they wanted.

I ended up quitting school and getting my GED. Which was a plus because I got away from the drama and started my carreer path sooner! But I still fear that one day somebody will become a bully to me once more...

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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 26th 2009, 01:34 PM

I was bullied a bit in primary school, and it's completely crushed my self esteem and my confidence, as well as leaving me paranoid when I'm on my own. I'm also crap as a member of a large group of people. So yeah, two or three incidents of bullying four years ago are still taking their toll.


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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 26th 2009, 03:41 PM

I was bullied for about 4 years, and it's left a huge mark on me. I can't trust many people as I feel they'll just 'turn' on me with the private things I would have told them. Also I try not to be 'myself' around people until I know what they're like, as I get told too often that I'm weird and would rather not to be bullied again.
It's left a nasty voice in my head that tells me everything that the bullies have said over and over again. I believe it now, it's quite sad actually.
   
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 26th 2009, 07:27 PM

i was bullied for all my primary school life- and now i can't remember much of what happened as i tend to block those things out, but now and then i get flashbacks of what had happened which still are tormenting factors that i suppose now cope with, thesefore i agree with yourself and your mum about it as, you do tend to forget most things however they do come back (the visions)
   
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 26th 2009, 10:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by UselessSecret View Post
I was bullied for about 4 years, and it's left a huge mark on me. I can't trust many people as I feel they'll just 'turn' on me with the private things I would have told them. Also I try not to be 'myself' around people until I know what they're like, as I get told too often that I'm weird and would rather not to be bullied again.
It's left a nasty voice in my head that tells me everything that the bullies have said over and over again. I believe it now, it's quite sad actually.
First off, I've been wanting to say this to you for a while now- piplup is AWESOME!

Secondly, thanks to everyone who replied!

Hannah, I gotta agree with what you're saying. I just know I'm gonna be bullied for 2 more years, (since my parents refuse to really do anything about it- all I can do is go to some therapist and complain about how bad my life is.) so that's gonna add up to 4 years right there.

But here's the thing- I act myself around complete strangers, and they like me- that is, until, they hear the rumors about me that have been spread around by my classmates. People I already know, like my classmates for example, I can never be myself around. Ever.

I just can't help but believe their lies because I've heard them so many times, I start to believe that they're true.
   
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 27th 2009, 10:33 PM

I've been bullied since I was 4.. I still get it now. At school, where I live in the streets, it gets tiring sometimes.
Bullying was the reason I started cutting and the reason I became suicidal.
I ended up dropping out last year because it was so bad, this new school isn't much better either.
In the last couple of years I've learned to trust people at least partly. But no one gets all in, because of whats happened and what happens.
Before now no one even scratched the surface, and no one could help because I wouldn't let them.
All because some pathetic people fancy a laugh. It pisses me off that I'm not strong enough to not care and not let it affect me.


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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 27th 2009, 11:03 PM

Me being bullied made me start self harming. I don't think I'll ever be rid of it and I'll always have the scars so it's always going to affect me. I would never have started if it wasn't for the person that bullied me.


   
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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - October 28th 2009, 12:05 AM

Bullying has changed me in several ways. Some good, some bad. I fear social situations like schools now, I'm not the same person in college as I am outside. I also think everyone my age who I don't know are the same as the bullies. My defensives are also messed up, I sometimes think people are being horrible/sarcastic to me when they aren't at all and act cold/mean towards them.

In the good ways I think I'm a stronger person now. I think if a similar situation happened again I would have the strength to stick up for myself.

Some people just get over things quicker than others.


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Re: Survey: Long-term effects of bullying - November 1st 2009, 02:30 PM

Voted: 3 years or more.
For most of my time in primary school I was terribly unpopular. By the time I was in the last year of that particular Key Stage of hell, I could count my friends on one hand. To then subtract the friends that didn't attend my school, I'd have to narrow it down to one person, half of the time. So I was bullied an awful lot, by literally everybody in my year and the year below at some point at the very least.
I like to think that I'm now over it, but for two years after leaving primary school the relentless hate affected me.
For the first year I was introverted and timid, always expecting a rebuff. It took me a long time to trust new friends not to stab me in the back, and I had few friends again. I was a walking bullying target, and the bullies took note. Some more bullying followed, though I quickly discovered my new school did not take the lax approach of "Just stay away from them" (as if I wasn't trying to!), as my old school had.
When the second year rolled around I had more friends and was more comfortable around people, but I was still affected. There was a lot of pressure from the teachers, but because of my introversion caused by the bullying, I didn't talk about my feelings. I started developing tactics to diffuse situations, laughing off insults even when they hurt, and if the diffusion failed, I'd try to take the insults upon myself to protect my friends. Plus, when pressure from my friends began later in the year, I didn't stop that either because I valued simple friendship too much.
Nowadays I'm one of those coolly unpopular kids with good mates, someone who appears usually untouchable and always invincible. I still care too much about what they say, especially with homophobia and stereotyping, but other than that I'm alright.
I am four grades smarter than the "class bully" at school. Some kids have taken to calling me "Queen of the Geeks", and I like the nickname. It suggests power.
Wounds heal and fade away. Insults can only hurt you if you let them. Bullies have no power if you give them none. Surround yourself with friends and show them that they are the ones who will always be alone. Their thoughts mean nothing.
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