My cousin :(

[xxpaigiexx]

My 22 year old cousin passed away in November 2009. I know it's not really that long when you think about it, she was pregnant with a baby girl her and her partner were going to name Gracie.
All the time I have to face conversation about her and in a way it helps with the grieving process and at other times I can't face it but I know it's because my cousin was loved and cared for by so many people and that is comforting and I know she is looking down on me pleased with what I'm doing with my life now and being happy for how well I am getting along. I miss her all the time, I always regret that towards the end of her life we become very distant and didn't see so much of each other.
I cry about her all the time. But sometimes I forget she died and I expect to see her face or something.
Every time I go to work I have to walk past and see her picture there, just smiling at me from the side of the bar, and it's comforting to see people still remembering her and loving her and caring but part of me finds it hypocritical, because my cousin worked there and now she no longer does. Her partner has moved on and has a new girlfriend, and moved on pretty quickly by the looks of things and now it's like it's insulting for her to have to have her picture there and see all that is happening here. I just wish she didn't have to see it and I know without a doubt she is watching and can see it all.
I am still in denial about her death and I forget she's died. I wish I could come to terms with it but I can't that's my big cousin and she looked after me from being a baby. I just want her back so much.
I wish I could tell her all the things I never had the chance to tell her

I love you Gem.

[xxpaigiexx]

Ooops wrong forum feel free to move this :s