Even though it's stopped...

[juanita_zombie]

I was bullied a lot from kindergarden to grade 10 by many different people. Some of it direct, some of it was exclusion. By grade 11 it almost stopped. I had a couple friends. Nobody was directly picking on me anymore, though there were a lot of people who clearly didn't like me and basically acted like I wasn't there. Now, in grade 12 I'm at a different school, I'm almost done with school, and there isn't any bullying going on, and that's great. I'm a lot happier than before.
But the bullying I experienced for so long in the past still effects me. Is that weird? Should I be over it by now?
I still feel really insecure, and I have really low self esteem. It's hard for me to talk to most people because I'm afraid of them and that they'll start teasing me like people did before. And I still feel like an ugly, worthless piece of shit every day even though nobody is actually telling me I am anymore.

Is this just normal teen hormone stuff or whatever? Is this weird that I haven't gotten over it already?
Or is this something that other victims of bullying have felt?
I just need to know if anyone can relate in anyway, and has any advice.

thanks.

[FlyingTrue]

Hello,
I'd say this is a normal human reaction to constant emotional trauma like that. It can take quite a bit of time to start recovering emotionally and feel comfortable socializing with others. Like you I went through a lot of bullying myself throughout my childhood and even after I left the public schooling environment I had a lot of difficulty with interacting, I'd say it took me over a year or so before I was able to feel somewhat comfortable with socializing with people in my age group again. I'd say a good idea would be to try finding a social group to meet others in a similar situation, or a counselor to discuss your feelings and help you work with them. Over time I'm sure things will begin improving for you, as they did for me. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.

[juanita_zombie]

Ok thank you

[Illuminate]

It's completely normal to still feel insecure and to have a low self esteem.
Bullying takes a toll on people and it can be hard to get over it.
Well done for getting through it. It must have been a difficult time in your life!
To try and build your confidence you could try just smiling at people in the corridors.. making eye contact with people.
Take note of your posture. If you keep your head up and shoulders back it makes you seem more confident and less 'closed in' on yourself. You may find more people approach you.
I hope this helps a little..

- Charli <3

[MeggieMoo1995]

I feel the exact same way. It's completely normal after experiencing the amount of emotional trauma you have over the years.
Is there any way you could go talk to a guidance counselor at school about this, or maybe get a referral to a psychologist from your doctor? It would probably make you feel a whole lot better if you did.
PM ms if you need anything or want to talk. xx

[BDF]

I know what you mean pretty well up to a point. Different people react to it differently though. It's made you introvert and kinda shy? I have similar problems still to some extent but at the same time I can be almost the exact opposite a lot of the time. I don't know how exactly but I think it's got something to do with me convincing myself that all those assholes in school were full of shit and I'd never let them get to me so much for me to change my behaviour like that.

I don't have any constructive advice really... I mean I wouldn't recommend other people to deal with bullying the way I dealt with it, even though it actually worked. Perhaps it's the fact that I repeatedly confronted them head on that's made me feel somehow better about it... probably is. But regardless it's left its mark.

I rarely strike up conversations with random people and avoid those kinda situations. It's not so much uncomfortable anymore, I'm just not interested usually. I'm not gonna pretend I have something to say about football to blend in when I rly don't give much of a shit for it. At the same time though, if someone starts pestering me and talking shit over and over, somehow I can't restrain it... I almost always shoot back with somethin really rude eventually.

What you're feeling is normal I think. It should pass eventually. But there are always gona be some assholes around who dislike you for stupid reasons. And those sort tend to like to pick on introvert people more 'cos they are easier to pick on.