Triggering (Bullying): I fucking hate him...I just wish he'd leave.

[LittleMissOneBigMess]

Is it normal to still hate someone even if they don't really bully you anymore? Is it normal to feel this much rage towards a person? Is it normal to hate beyond all rational means? Is it normal to have this much hatred, jadedness and messed up thoughts towards him?

So theres this kid, well not really a kid, lets call him a life ruining, soul sucking parasite, that fits much better. Anyways he has been harrasing/ bullying me for 5 1/2 fucking years.I hate him. But what I hate the most is he knows he got away with it, He never got into trouble from the school, his parents or anything, infact the school told me I should be prepared to deal with bullies at school and that I need to learn to deal with them myself. Even though my mom did everything she could. He got talked to a little bit but nothing, nothing at fucking all. He's done terrible, humilating things to me that noone deserves, yet people have the fucking balls to say that I could have stopped it. God people are so messed up. When did it become okay to throw food at someone, or lock them in closets, or push them into lockers, or push your friends into them to make them fall, or call them disgusting, appaling hurtful names. I didn't do anything to him, why do I deserve this? He has made my life miserable, most days I didnt even feel like getting out of bed. I hated school. I hated his dumb friends that he got to go along with this. I hated how one person could ruin my day, I hate how he can still ruin my day and all he has to do is look at me, I hate how I don't even have to see him and I still rage over him. My depression took a huge turn for the worst because of the bullying, I started self harming because i believed everything they said to me. I started drinking, taking pills, purging anything to help deal with the ridiculous amount of pain he was causing me. And i know its pathetic to let someone ruin your whole junior/high school experience and that i should just ignore him, I can't. I just can't forget what he did to me, how he made me feel.

I honestly fucking hate this kid. EVerytime I see him all I wanna do is throw him down a big flight of stairs, he makes me furious, sad, confused, miserable, scared and ashamed all at the same time. EVerytime he gives me that stupid fucking smirk on his stupid fucking face I feel like doing very bad things to him, things that shouldn't even be mentioned ( and I'm usually not a violent person, I don't like hurting people) but him, I could do some pretty awful things to him and not feel bad, its so hard to not just punch him in his mouth everytime he walks by.

I just wanted to rant, everyone says I should be over it by now, but I'm not, it still hurts everytime i think about what kids have done to me, what even adults and teachers, family members have said to me. Its not okay to do that to someone. Thanks for reading, I just really needed to say something.
-Tessa

[BDF]

Originally Posted by LittleMissOneBigMess

infact the school told me I should be prepared to deal with bullies at school and that I need to learn to deal with them myself.

I experienced similar. I'll tell you something though... my school told me exactly what your school told you, almost. Slightly different wording but it doesn't matter.

So... guess what? I did deal with them myself, my way. Of course the school didn't like it then. I rarely gave a shit for verbal attacks, but just them getting physical with me I'd go all out... fists, teeth, staplers, fire extinguishers lol... . When I got in trouble with the school, I quoted my tutor. Of course I was being "arrogant" then and got my detention doubled for it.

There is no justice. But I do imagine I feel more at piece having retaliated. Especially this one kid... I mean, really I'm the one smirking in his face now because he ended up leaving the school because of me, didn't finish his GCSE exams because of it... didn't go to university, so I ruined his life. Coincidentally he was the worst one too. The school as always tried to put the blame on me, but this time, it happened in front of the whole school. Everybody saw what happened, and my tutors/head teacher couldn't exactly blame me any more... even though they wanted to. I caused so much trouble that they hated me, but my parents got police involved at some point, and psychologists which made it very difficult for them to expel me. So from then on I could also smirk at their fat asses. I love it. I should go back to one of the school events just to do that, fat pigs. They could have spared all this if they did their job in the first place, and none of it would have escalated the way it did.

And I carry on with my moto beyond school now. If the authorities won't deal with it, I will. Aka... if the police won't get a rowdy drunk 18 year old off my doorstep, I will do it myself, and they'l have 10x the mess to clear up than they would if they did their fucking job in the first place. Most times you can just say it was in defence actually, and that then they fell backwards off a curb... they'l believe you.


Also a rant... kind of.

[dipka]

I understand exactly what you'r saying there LittleMissOneBigMess. I belive that that is a perfectly natural way to feel after all he's put you through. You mention'd that you still do see him but does he still treat you in the same way? I hope not, if he does you should take action to stop him, you do not need to put up with it and shouldent be prapared to do so whatevre you may think about it yourself.
As BFD say's you should get your own back, how would you feel if the same happend for you?

Also, please dont feel bad for having a rant, it's good that you were able to let it all out, to talk about it, and now get help for it, Please on talking, because the more you do the easyer it get's. You can always talk to me, anytime you need to, just ask.

[Psychosis' Illusions]

Well I see a huge problem with BDF way of thinking because when he decided to fight back I just happen to be walking by and almost got kick out of the school because neither of the kids admitted to their action and blamed it on me. I'm not trying to say doing some thing about the bully is bad, but what i'm trying to say is if your going to do some thing remember to try to keep others out of it.

I can relate to your bully problem and its completely natural to hate the kid. But hating him won't do much, and if he has been bullying you for 5 1/2 years it would be a good idea to find a way to channel your hate/angrier before you think about what you can do to stop him. Since the peaceful way doesn't work you can try hanging out with a larger group of friends and he'll hopefully just run off somewhere. If he doesn't you could use BDF and dipka method.

[Nostalgia]

Yeah I think its normal to hate someone who has bullied you, I still hate the people who bullied me and that stopped 5 years ago . I still hate them. Some of them I hate more than others. Schools are absolutely useless when it comes to dealing with bullying, they never seem to stop it. Threaten the school with going to the school governors or local newspaper if it continues .

[Release9]

Hello...
That is absolutely horrible and disgusting to hear about.
I suggest you talk to the school governors about this kid.
They can take some action against him and hopefully give you some peace of mind.
I really don't like people who hurt other people for fun. I've been bullied myself, and I can't tolerate this kind of behavior.
Hope this helps!

[waiting.in.the.wings]

Oh it's totally normal to hate someone who used to bully you! I hate this girl, Kaitlyn, and she hasn't victimized me in months! I know what you're feeling: you just want to have an oppertunity to confront him...but he hasn't done anything recently and that would make you seem like a jerk.

Never fear!

Asking a teacher for help is a good option, but asking higher ups is better. They might be able to help you more.

Good luck!