Insanity

[rusher]

Let me explain my situation and hopefully before it explodes. None of the names mentioned are real, by the way.

I know this girl in my class, Jennifer. My friend Gary loves her " to the end of time". But Jennifer completely doesn't. It's only an relationship problem, right? But there's a few problems and the biggest one is Jennifer herself. She's cruel, manipulative, overconfident, controlling and fierce.

She and I are mostly enemies. It's because Jennifer enjoys breaking the social balance of nature. She plays with people's emotions, manipulates people into thinking she cares when she could really care less. She bullies Gary and I.

On occasion, she even bullies her boyfriend, Barry. I only have one year in school with her but Jennifer's mentally disturbed in my eyes. She lives in our neighborhood, which makes things more difficult.

Also, Jennifer also gambles constantly. I've learned never to play a game if Jennifer's in control. She has her own set of House Rules for each game and every time I play, I get a extra bruise added to my body. Go figure.

She sickens me. She manipulates us, plays us, tries to trick us. Gary, Monica ( my friend) and I gave more chances than she needed. We overlooked her gambling. We overlooked her social fad- her going into a different stereotype almost every week. We even overlooked her fighting and drinking problem. We help her with everything and in return, we get heartache and pain.

What should I do? If I try to forgive her again, it's like I'm giving up. If I confront her, she'll just deny it or blow up in my face. I want to help her victims, but Jennifer has connections. I want to make sure I could get myself and everyone else out of this mess alive. There's no clear path here...

[dipka]

Hey, well done for writing this, I imagine it was hard for you, but it is a brave first step.

What Jennifer is doing to all of you is wrong, does anyone elce know other than the people involved?

The thing that you should to is tell someone, prefrablly a teacher or other trusted adult such as a perent/guardian of family friend. When you tell these people they should then step in and make things better for all of you.
I understand how hard it can be to tell someone about something partiqually if you have kept it secret for a long time. If you'd like any more infor about talking to others then please PM or VM me or reply here!

Take care
dipka

[Sea Monkey]

Hi there,

It may be a good thing to talk to Jennifer about her actions and how it is affecting you, as her friend. Let her know you don't want to fall out with her; but that you guys feel very upset about what she is doing. Talking about it WITH her can help resolve the problems and also pointing out to her WHEN she says something bad will hopefully help her realise what she is doing wrong.

You could tell somebody about it, who would be able to talk to her about her behaviour; however I'd do what I have suggested above first. If it doesn't seem to be working, then I'd definately let an adult sort it out; a teacher or talk to her parent(s).

She may not realise that she is doing something wrong and needs somebody to point out to her what she is doing and how it is affecting others.

I hope this has helped.

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

Originally Posted by rusher

Let me explain my situation and hopefully before it explodes. None of the names mentioned are real, by the way.

I know this girl in my class, Jennifer. My friend Gary loves her " to the end of time". But Jennifer completely doesn't. It's only an relationship problem, right? But there's a few problems and the biggest one is Jennifer herself. She's cruel, manipulative, overconfident, controlling and fierce.

She and I are mostly enemies. It's because Jennifer enjoys breaking the social balance of nature. She plays with people's emotions, manipulates people into thinking she cares when she could really care less. She bullies Gary and I.

On occasion, she even bullies her boyfriend, Barry. I only have one year in school with her but Jennifer's mentally disturbed in my eyes. She lives in our neighborhood, which makes things more difficult.

Also, Jennifer also gambles constantly. I've learned never to play a game if Jennifer's in control. She has her own set of House Rules for each game and every time I play, I get a extra bruise added to my body. Go figure.

She sickens me. She manipulates us, plays us, tries to trick us. Gary, Monica ( my friend) and I gave more chances than she needed. We overlooked her gambling. We overlooked her social fad- her going into a different stereotype almost every week. We even overlooked her fighting and drinking problem. We help her with everything and in return, we get heartache and pain.

What should I do? If I try to forgive her again, it's like I'm giving up. If I confront her, she'll just deny it or blow up in my face. I want to help her victims, but Jennifer has connections. I want to make sure I could get myself and everyone else out of this mess alive. There's no clear path here...

I'm somewhat like your friend Jennifer, only male and I don't drink nor gamble a lot. I used to drink but quickly found it wasn't all that hyped up as people made it out to be. I only gamble if I have an edge because 50/50 or even 60/50 odds aren't attractive to me, has to be higher otherwise I'm out.

Even though there are various psychiatric diagnoses for such behaviours although the particular label here doesn't matter. Although I'm trained in martial arts and at times help teach, I'm more of a manipulator than going all-out swinging my fists. A vital thing for you to find out is whether she acts like this to others or if it's just restricted to people she has a personal relationship with. This is vital because it can mean she's just a regular bully who toys with people once she knows them versus someone who is more able and willing to do this to people they don't know as well. It also indicates she may have a dislike for you and whoever else she is personal with who is involved in her games.

I've met people that sound like Jennifer, although they drank more than gambled and there's only a few ways out of it. Some involve playing her game and winning or playing your game and winning but you don't seem up to that.

Instead, don't help her. Forgive if you want but she's leeching off you and the only way to get a leech to stop is to quit providing. Don't help her in, say, a weeks time after you stopped helping her because that just shows her you're loyal to her, not as a friend but as a bank on feet.

As for Gary, that's his problem because he's in love with her. You'll have a hard time pulling him away, so let him learn from his mistakes. Getting everyone else out (excluding Gary), is going to be easy if she doesn't care you're doing that. Get yourselves out first, then you can get out others because it's useless if you get everyone else out but you're still in her game. It's hard to manipulate many people all at once who are together because the moment one person starts deviating, the rest will follow and you either let them go and focus on the ones who you have better control over or you go for gold and try to get back your missing flock. I would try to get back my flock but if I have good control over others, I'll let the deviating flock go.