Am I A Bully?

[Iris. ♥]

When I was younger, kids used to make fun of me a lot. They had good reason to. I was a HUGE nerd. I broke myself out of that a long time ago, but lately I'm starting to feel like the kids that used to make fun of me. I'm always making snide comments to people, even if I think it might hurt their feelings. I talk about people behind their backs a lot. Sometimes I even wish that other people will fail at something so I'll look good. I didn't think about it for the longest time, but right now, it's just making me feel snotty. That's not the kind of person that I want to be remembered as after I graduate high school. I think it really hit me when I started making fun of this girl in one of my classes because she's a little strange.

Tell me what you guys think. Am I being a bully or is it just my own insecurity showing through?

[PutYourHeartsUp]

Honestly, to me that sounds like high school. But if it's not who you want to be, because you recognize what you're doing, then you should try to change it. Talking about people certainly isn't nice, but to me it's part of being a teenage girl. Making fun of people could be considered bullying to some people, but your specific situation to me sounds like being a teenager.

[Reverie.]

Hey,

I don't think you sound like a bully to me. It sounds like you're bing unkind and since you recognise it and don't like it, you can change it. It doesn't seem like bullying, but I'd be cautious and make sure it doesn't become bullying. Try to remember peoples feelings and the fact that if it turns into bullying it might leave people feeling bad about themselves. It's good that you've realised it's not good though, I'm glad you have and I'm proud of you for double checking that it was nothing more serious.

Take care,
Hollie.

[JKmadu619]

You might be behaving like a bully, but you aren't bullying anyone in particular. As ClosertotheClouds pointed out, this is a part of being a teenager, but you are 17, you've reconized the behaviour, and you won't be a teen forever. The sooner you work to correct the problem, the sooner it resolves itself.

- Justin

[Sea Monkey]

Hey there,

You may be feeling like a 'bully' because you have been through it yourself and you've been treated badly by others; however, I don't think you are a bully. You can change the way you behave to other people if you really want to. Also, It's great that you are being honest and posted here.

[Iris. ♥]

Thank you guys so much. I feel a lot better knowing that I'm not as bad as I used to be.

[BruceLeeDemarcus]

It may feel that way. In some people's minds that would be considered being a bully. To me, its just normal for people to behave like that. Even the nicest kids act like that.

[Dr.Bobby]

Originally Posted by LovesBrokenDream

Thank you guys so much. I feel a lot better knowing that I'm not as bad as I used to be.

Samantha, i'm not sure the issue is so much if you're a 'Bully' (which is a pretty extreme thing), but if what you're doing is such a nice thing. That, I think based on your description of your behavior, is fairly obvious: You're not being so nice. How you see (or label) yourself isn't as important as how your victims are experiencing your comments and actions. I wouldn't be so quick to give yourself a pass here. And this idea that it's 'Just high school' dismisses bad behavior and normalizes abuse.

If you're aware that you're saying and doing things that can hurt others, then you have a responsibility to use that awareness and stop. Not only is it civilized, it's also a way you can work on your own empathy, a skill that might not matter too much to you now (or to those people you're calling out), but it will be very useful in those future relationships that matter more: A boyfriend, a husband, children, co workers.

Empathy is not something that you can just turn on and off. It's either a practiced part of your personality, a part of you that comes out in all interactions with everyone, or it's lacking. When it's lacking, it's really ugly.

So, look at this is an opportunity to practice a skill that will pay dividends forever.

[Iris. ♥]

I'm sorry if I made it sound like I wouldn't be working on it. I'm definitely going to try to be nicer to people. But, I feel better knowing that it hasn't quite gone to the extremes yet. If it had gotten there, I think it would have been much harder to reverse. I don't want to be a rude person though and I'm definitely going to check myself in those areas.

[DellaBella]

I think this idea that being mean to others is a natural part of being a teenager is seriously flawed. Being a teenager does not give you a license to be mean. Samantha, the kids who bullied you when you where younger because you where "nerdy" did not have a good reason to bully you. Being different does not mean it's okay to be treated badly. when I was in 6th grade, I was heavily bullied. By 7th grade, to avoid being bullied- I became a bully. I picked a girl and mercisly mocked her. She had eczma, so I would go around pretending she was contagious and so forth. I did it because it made me feel better about myself, and because it made the girls who bullied me last year think I was "tough." Girls would literally say "Oh, damn. Della's tough, don't mess with her" and it was a form of protection- but I quickly realized what I was doing and cut it out. You are bullying other people- it doesn't mean you're a bully per say- but you are bullying. And being a teenager does not mean it's okay for you to talk about people behind their back, and be mean. I believe you're a good person because you know what you're doing is wrong- but if you keep doing it anyway then that will quickly turn you into a bad person. I think you're talking about people for the same reason I bullied that girl back in the 7th grade- the question is- are you going to keep doing it, or are you going to grow out of it? I believe you can make the right choice