Bad Bad Bad Roommate Situation - Just want to be safe

[CubanitaChica]

I have no clue where to even begin to put this thread, so it is going here unless someone moves it.

So my roommate and I do not get along at all - she hasn't said a word to me in over a month. Even if I say something like "hey I'm turning off the overhead light because I'm going to sleep." I still get no reaction at all. Then when I turn off the top light (even if it is 3:30 in the morning!) and she hasn't turned on her desk lamp, she sighs heavily and acts like I just committed a huge offense against her, but still doesn't say a word to me.

The girl doesn't go to sleep until 4am at the earliest every day - so guess which time I get to go to sleep because I can't sleep with the light on (which she sometimes goes to bed leaving on because she is 21 years old and still terrified of the dark) and she goes through plastic bags, allows her phone to ring, shakes boxes of candy, takes a shower (we share a bathroom with the room next door and the door to the bathroom is in our room and there is a shower stall area and the toilet is also stalled off) at 4 am and will leave the bathroom door open, etc.

Then, any time between 6:30 and 7:30 her alarm will start going off (really really really really loudly) and she does not wake up to it unless I call her name, she then snoozes it and it goes off again and continues this way for sometimes a full half an hour. Somewhere in here her parents call (all the way from Australia) to make sure she is awake and she will have full conversations with them while I'm trying to sleep and will sometimes get into fights with them and yell while on the phone.

She then occasionally goes to class and then comes back, skips a few more classes and just sleeps all day, I'll leave for class at 3:10 or come back from class at 5:20 and she'll still be asleep or just waking up.

She has 2 phones, her phone from home and her here phone and she went out (like she does every Friday night) and it kept ringing at 3:30 am so I turned it off because it was locked and I couldn't access the ringer settings and she never comes back on Friday nights and she never told me that upset her that I shut it off, but she complained to the housekeeper in my dorm and a bunch of other people. She also tells them lies about how I go out and hook up with all these older guys and what not.

She is gross, I'm talking food wrappers everywhere, lets her garbage can pile up to twice its normal height, sometimes more,etc. She never cleans the bathroom, or throws away an old soap container when its empty and she replaces it, etc. I had to move my carpet because after asking her 3 times to throw out her popcorn pieces, m&ms, iron supplements, etc. that she drops into the carpet so they don't get ground, she still didn't, and then I was the bad guy for moving her stuff off of my carpet so I could move it, but I put it all back on the floor right where I found it, it was just no longer on my carpet.

We tried having a mediation with our RA, upon my request, and it did not help, she lied her way through it and did not make a single compromise. The only change that was made was that I now have to lock our door handle from the outside instead of pushing the button in on the inside (even when I'm coming into the room) so there is no risk of the door ever being unlocked.

I think she went into my desk drawer today because it was slightly open when I came back from hiding out at my friend's house (which I sometimes sleep at to avoid coming back to my dorm (which according to her means I'm having sex and I'm a hoe - or at least that is what she tells this guy in my hallway who has sent me many texts calling me a hoe and a huge slut and what not) and I am usually make sure they are shut all of the way, so I don't think it is just me being paranoid.

She tells that boy in my hallway all about my where-abouts. He always seems to know where I am (which, to be honest, isn't very hard to figure out if you know me really well, which he doesn't) and he'll say times I come and go from room - but only the times of when my roommate is here to see me come and go so I know she is monitoring me and telling other people about what I'm doing, it is honestly really scary.

I feel like I'm an episode of Criminal Minds waiting to happen. My hall director says she doesn't think she will be violent, and she doesn't act violent, but from everything I hear, she has a lot of pent up anger against me and refuses to talk to me about anything, so I feel like she is a bomb waiting to explode, and I want to have some chance at defending myself. That is why I stay up until 4 (even if I am in bed, I am awake until she lies down and is asleep) and I'm awake when she is (not intentionally, her alarm is impossible to sleep through (idk how she does!)).

So long story short, 4 hours of sleep is considered a really good night, my stress level is through the roof and I've started having some minor issues with my short-term memory because of it (simple things like I remember that events occurred, but I can't place exactly what day, like if it happened on Monday or Tuesday), I'm scared to be in my own dorm room and it is not preposterous to say I fear my life a bit - a few people have said i am just paranoid, but those who have heard all about her and really what does on in my room are scared for me and don't want me being in my room at all.

But before everyone comments telling me to move, I have submitted a room change form and I should be able to move in across the hall at the end of this semester/beginning of next semester where a girl is moving out, but I still have 2.5 weeks until then and the past 3 days have been hard enough. I know its just a bit longer, but I just have a bad gut feeling and I just want what goes on in my room written out somewhere. I feel like this is a safe place to say it and a place where she can't physically manipulate it (like if I wrote it on paper and she goes in my drawer, she can take it, destroy it, etc. She bad mouths/lies about me enough and I know she will lie about everything else too, so I just want a place where my voice has been recognized).

If I think of anything I missed, which I probably did, I'll add it on later. Thanks for listening to me rant - safety is such an important thing and it should never be taken for granted.

[Ghost On The Highway]

Well that sounds like a thoroughly shitty situation. My roommate and I didn't really talk freshman year, but it was kind of a mutual disdain for one another rather than outright "hate." If I asked him to turn the volume down on FIFA at 3am, he would, etc. In your case, I think a little sabotage/preemptive strike is in order

[BDF]

How did this 'hate' start out?

[CubanitaChica]

I honestly have no clue why she hates me, I never did any wrong by her, I have no problems with compromise, etc. She has been unwilling to compromise on everything all year. When she lives in Australia she lives at home and Mommy does everything for her (makes sure shes awake, laundry, pick her up at 3 am when shes out at a bar, etc). So I think a lot of it is that she has never lived with anyone before and she has never had to be responsible for herself before, but that is no reason to go after me

[EIL]

She sounds mega wierd! You definately need to move... Maybe untill you can you could try staying with friends?

[BDF]

Originally Posted by CubanitaChica

I honestly have no clue why she hates me, I never did any wrong by her, I have no problems with compromise, etc. She has been unwilling to compromise on everything all year. When she lives in Australia she lives at home and Mommy does everything for her (makes sure shes awake, laundry, pick her up at 3 am when shes out at a bar, etc). So I think a lot of it is that she has never lived with anyone before and she has never had to be responsible for herself before, but that is no reason to go after me

I think the problem is simple actually. She sounds somewhat spoilt, and insecure because of her move from Australia. She's probably quite depressed... and I don't think she hates you, but very likely tries to make herself feel better by putting other people around her down. You happen to be the person around whom she spends the most time, so you're the one she's taking it out on. It probably wouldn't be half as effective for her if she chose someone else.

[Dream]

Wow, that is terrible. Your roommate sounds like she is in a very bad place psychologically- she is clearly very depressed but also very irritable and too immature to not take it out on you. She sounds more than just depressed though- she sound like a garden variety sociopath. Yeah I would be scared too if I were you.

For sleep- if the library in your school has any place you can sleep safely (assuming it has like a quiet section with couches or something), then I'd recommend napping there or finding someone you know who wont mind you taking naps in their room/house.

Whenever she does something that really makes you angry, remember that it is only a couple more weeks and that it isn't worth punching her in the face over in the long run.

[Astha Srivastav]

I'd just say what everyone else did.... try and live with someone else till the time you can get your room changed and if you can't and still feel unsafe then keep something like a pepper spray beside you, just in case...