I feel like not-a-man..

[JustACityBoy]

Hey, actually my 3rd post.. lookin for some help / opinions..

I feel like not-a-man.. My cousin who is 15 and lives with me and is FEMALE for gods sakes IS quite abusive (yell-a-lot, pushed me down the stairs at young age 5 or something) well, for the past 10 years I remembered it as that. I hate her, she keeps talking to me about League of Legends, the game I played cause she started and I just want her to stfu, I do not want to talk to her. I never in my history of 2011 initiated a talk with her.
Anyways, what sparked me to make this thread first is because it was 2 days ago, and my aunt who also lives with us told me to write a letter of recommendation for her. I hate my aunt SO damn bad, she kept snitching on me whenever the school called that I was late, and she keeps BS'ing with the heat when its 66-69 degrees and I sleep on the floor with a mattress.
After writing 2 long letter of recommendations, took me around 45 minutes, I yelled at her when she told me to write a 3rd, and that dumb daughter of her said "how come she asked and you said no but when your sister told you to do it you said yes" (my sister did tell me to do it, but from word of my aunt) I told her to shut up and she do it and not QQ. She is such... a **** to her mom, and she yells at her non stop and her mom is afraid of her but the family keeps this to themselves. Now, again, the damn aunt told me to write another letter. I said no, using an excuse, I said "a co-worker whom you never NEVER talk to wont write a letter for you" my cousin jumped out to say, "your heartless, of course you wont write it for her, what the hell" and a whole lot of B-S before that. Basically, I must admit, I'm quite intimidated, said nothing, watched TV and I just agreed after a few minutes. I want to punch her in the face.. so hard. I know physically I will win, but of course, family is family and this fail side of the family lives with me.

[Tyr.]

Thing is, Carl, is that you are only in the early stages of growing into a man. No doubt you are in that rough patch better known as "puberty", when you are making the transition from child to adult.

It is not the physical changes during this time which make you into a man, but it is the experiences and learning which will occur which will make you into a man. As you will no doubt learn, the experiences are most often some pretty brutal learning curves. You will encounter situations, similar to the one you are in now, and having good judgement in those situations comes from experience. Experience comes from previous bad judgement.

There is an old prayer which I think you should take under your belt. I'm not religious, but it still applies.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Basically, it means there are some things you can change and some you can't. Your 15yo cousin who is a bitch? You can't change that. The only thing you can control is yourself. It is only you who has control over your mind - not your cousin, or your auntie. It is important you understand that, because part of being a man is being unflappable in the fact of adversity.

Next time your cousin wants to start an argument or pick a fight, don't take the bait. Pick yourself up and carry on. You are under absolutely no obligation to even acknowledge somebody who is being verbally abusive or trying to start a fight. Trust me, it's effective. The best revenge is to be unlike the person who performed the injury.

If your auntie wants a letter of recommendation, just say "No". You don't need to go into a spiel about why, or start an argument. Just tell her you don't feel comfortable writing her letter of recommendation. Fuck whatever she says or threatens you with, it's your choice and you don't need to explain yourself to her for that.

There is no need to be vengeful or angry about this. You don't like the people you live with. That's life, and you just need to do your best to get by in that situation. Again, it's all part of growing into a man.

Regarding physical violence, I don't suggest you punch your auntie in the face. It's better just to walk away. That said, don't accept violence upon yourself. TeenHelp isn't the place to be imparting such advice, but it might help your confidence a bit if you try out some boxing or martial arts. It doesn't mean you get to beat the shit out of everyone, but it builds the discipline and confidence you need to face shitty situations.

You are in control of your mind, not others. So keep your chin up, don't spend your life angry and rock on with whatever it is you do best. Don't engage in arguments or fights, it's not worth it. Anybody who is in an argument is past the point of reason anyway.

Yogi

[JustACityBoy]

..thanks dude. I guess she's my aunt, can't fight with her. Not to mention I hate fighting.. just dont know how to damage those I hate.
I really don't want to be a hatable guy, and with my situation right now I came her to well, be more nice and have more friends in my school. I really should be more direct with my words instead of dumb excuses. Pretty bullshit of my cousin though who's shit is hard yelling at me over a letter that she wont do herself.. wtf. I'm not sure if I should have ignored that or defended myself like say "fuck you do it yourselfl, you call me heartless because I wont write it for my co-worker? how bout you? you won't write shit for your mom and qq though you dont have to waste your shit life writing a letter"

Well, thats what my sister said anyways that I should defend myself. (i'm quite cool with my sister most of the times and I agree, I should've defended myself with those words)
I also don't curse at all in the house so if I were to say it it would sound gay.