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Anxiety and Stress This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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Unhappy Absolutely terrified (but kind of excited?) - January 2nd 2018, 03:02 PM

That icon probably isn't the most fitting but I am in a bit of a...sticky situation, I guess? I have to apply for a first job in 2 days, per my mother and father's request and I do want one...but with my GAD and SAD I just feel absolutely terrified. I'm applying for volunteer work with a cancer foundation and I really don't know what I'm going to be doing. I want to be a social worker in oncology or possibly a child life specialist/play therapist in the same field. And the first problem is, I haven't really told anyone what I want to do and I feel like my mom is going to freak out...she never really believes in me and then that makes me not believe in me, you know? I don't even know how to bring it up to her, maybe I'll just text it or something so I don't feel so silly She just says like, "You won't be good at that. Why would you want to do that? Why don't you do this? Or this?" And I don't really want to do anything else. I don't have a calling to do anything else.

Another big worry is talking on the phone. I have no idea why but I am terrified of that. I hate it. I'm going to just send them an email first, to ask if they have any volunteer positions. And I won't add in my phone number or anything until they ask for it because that way I'll be prepared. The reason I chose this foundation is because they said on their website that they give all their volunteers sufficient training first and they make sure you're ready so I thought that'd be good for me. Like I said, I'm not sure what you can do but they mentioned like helping out at fundraising events or office work, being sent out to volunteer at hospitals (not sure what that would mean), etc. And it shouldn't be that bad but I'm just panicking anyway because I'm just worried I'll suck or that my social anxiety will start playing up and I'll come off as awkward and unlikeable.

What do I do? If you only knew how much I was freaking out about all this
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Re: Absolutely terrified (but kind of excited?) - January 2nd 2018, 06:19 PM

I was once in your shoes, I was petrified of even looking at phones and no matter what job I wanted to do, my parents never approved. Here's my advice to you:

I worked with a case manager on getting over my severe anxiety disorder, she slowly introduced me to talking on the phone. Heck, when I first started working with her I couldn't even talk to her, just text. She made a rule that I couldn't text her at all, but call her instead and when I really really needed her, I did indeed call her, because how else was I going to get support? Any ways, after calling her, she would treat me by taking me out to lunch or to the mall, this was also good for my social anxiety. Perhaps start by talking on the phone with a close friend or family member and rewarding yourself by doing something fun? Or buying yourself something little? Baby steps are key. Or you could even practice on the phone by starting out calling yourself.

Now, onto your mom. My best advice is to, if you're afraid of talking to her physically, writing her a letter saying the exact reasons why you want to do that job or volunteer work you want to do, and maybe do some research yourself on what the salary is for the job or volunteer work you want and what it entails and explain these things to her, that way she has somewhat of an understanding of where you're coming from and why the job or volunteer work is so appealing to you. Maybe when she finds out everything about the job or volunteering you want to try getting into, she'll lighten up a bit. Also telling her that this volunteer work teaches you skills that you can use in a future job would be a big help, I know my mom would fall for that hook line and sinker.

The more you work on yourself, the better it'll get, and eventually you won't worry about talking on the phone with anyone and not doubt yourself and your decisions as much.

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Re: Absolutely terrified (but kind of excited?) - January 4th 2018, 06:36 PM

I do understand that SAD and GAD can definitely make things tricky when it comes to things like applying for jobs and the general working life.

I'm sorry to hear that your mom often puts you down or doesn't support you. I think it's important to remember that your mom isn't you, and while she may think what might be good or not for you, only you can know for sure. Not many young people have their career planned out at your age, and those that do may change later on in life, so it's okay if you only have a few ideas of careers that you are interested in. Your mom may ask about careers you are interested in, so if you want to let her know by text, then there's nothing wrong with that.

I also have problems talking on the phone! It's definitely good, and sometimes even preferred to send an email first, and then follow up with a phone call, if necessary. If you have to make a phone call, it might help to think about what you want to say and maybe make some bullet points. Try to avoid writing a script though, just keep it brief. If you have to take a call, and like me, worry about remembering information after a call, be sure to have a pen and paper at hand to write things down. Otherwise, like a lot of things, with practice, you'll find that the anxiety with talking on the phone may lessen over time.

It's great that the foundation offers you training! I think it's common to get nervous before doing something new, but more so if you already have anxiety. Believe in yourself and go for it

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