Paying Mom

[Ementine]

In the fall I start college, I plan on doing the work study program because I need money. I'm not sure if I will only be able to work when I have class or if I can come in when I don't. But the thing is, when I do have a job I'm going to have to give money to my mom to help her out, so I feel like I won't be able to buy anything I want for myself.

We are really bad off right now on money and I don't mind helping her but if I am not making a lot and have to give it all to her then I don't think it is really that fair that I can't get myself anything for school or just for something for myself that I want. Whenever I want something that might be too much for my family to get, I spend years waiting for it. Having a job was going to put an end to that and I'd stop asking my family for things and just get it all myself.

Am I just overthinking?

[Greenie]

Hi there
Firstly, does your mom expect you to pay her, or is it something you think you will just have to do because there is no other option? Because unless there has been a mutual agreement that you will help pay for something in particular, there is no reason why the money that YOU are earning hard to work for is to all go to her. I don't really know your situation, but if there is a specific reason why your mom is unable to adequately provide for your family with some money left over to buy things that aren't strictly essential items occasionally, there are usually other options (such as organisation or government benefits) that can aid you.
Now that you're a legal adult and going to college, you have every right whatsoever to do what you want with your money. (Obviously it's better to use those new rights responsibly)!

Being in a family, it sure is a nice thing to do to help each other out whether that be emotionally, financially, etc. But that doesn't mean you are expected to put all your time, effort and/or money into your family members. If it comes to that stage, it's time for another option.

Have fun at college and work!

~Amy

[Ementine]

Me and her talked about it and I have to help her because we are getting as much help from welfare as we can, but it's just not enough. I just need to get my own things too, but once I figure out how much I am going to make and what my hours will look like I can figure out a way to help her out.

[Masquerade.]

It's great that you want to help your mom out, but you need to make sure you'll have enough to take care of yourself too. Perhaps, once you get your hours and wages figured out, the two of you could sit down and talk about a way to split the money. There's no reason for you to give her everything that you earn, but you might be able to split the check 50/50 or 60/40, depending on what you make and what will work best for the two of you.

[Ementine]

I can try, I already told her I can pay my part of the phone and cable, but I might be able to only pay for the phone. Which if she wanted to turn my cable off is fine, I could just use my BF's netflicks accounts. He's already offered but I turned it down because I don't really need it right now.

[Ella.x]

I think since you're an adult and have a job, you should be paying rent to live with your parents. When I was 18 and still living with my parents, I had to pay my mum £500 a month in rent. Maybe you could sit down with your mum and work out what you will be earning and how much you can reasonably afford to pay her? It does suck when you're living with parents and can't afford everything you want because of paying rent, but that's part of life, really. I personally feel as though paying my mum rent prepared me for living on my own, because I never got used to the luxuries that my friends take for granted, like new clothes and expensive phones. I think communication between you and your mum is important so you can come up with something that you can both afford.

[Moon Moon]

Well, first, the things you "want" to buy are they things you NEED? Are they essential to your life, like food? Because you're an adult now, and being an adult means not always being able to get whatever you want with your money. It sucks, but once you're an adult you really should be paying rent and such. It's great that you're going to help your mom out, and it sucks that you can't just buy whatever you want but if you have a job and you're old enough then you really should be helping out anyways. If you were to move out it would be the same, only you'd have to pay even MORE because you'd be responsible for every expense not just some.

[Ementine]

Originally Posted by PutYourHeartsUp

Well, first, the things you "want" to buy are they things you NEED? Are they essential to your life, like food? Because you're an adult now, and being an adult means not always being able to get whatever you want with your money. It sucks, but once you're an adult you really should be paying rent and such. It's great that you're going to help your mom out, and it sucks that you can't just buy whatever you want but if you have a job and you're old enough then you really should be helping out anyways. If you were to move out it would be the same, only you'd have to pay even MORE because you'd be responsible for every expense not just some.

I would like to put out there, my mom would never make ME pay rent. I'm going to be in college, so I won't be making all that much money at all. When I graduate, if I don't go back to school then she would have my pay rent. Now while I am still in school.
The things I want, are basic like clothes and having money to get lunch. I am going to save up money for a new laptop and a tattoo, but that can wait. If I am not working I am not sure how I would be able to eat lunch at school since I am not sure what I could even bring from home. We don't really have stuff we can bring because it all gets eaten because I don't get to eat very much.

[Ella.x]

In that case, if your mum isn't making you pay rent, I would say just work out with ehr how much she thinks is reasonable with what your earning and you'll be fine. If you're not earning much, then it would probably be an idea to buy things to take with you to school as it will be cheaper than buying stuff there.

[Ementine]

Thanks.
I'm hoping it all works out and I don't mind helping with the cell phones since we don't have a landline and we both text a lot. I just have a lot I've been wanting to get for a long time, but I haven't been able to get them.