Possible social anxiety and parents won't believe me?

[perturbed]

I think I might have social anxiety or some sort of anxiety problem. I am very paranoid about the fact of people not liking me. I can be walking down the hallways at school, and if people happen to laugh while walking by me, I automatically assume they are making fun of me. It's like I think everyone is out to get me. I know it is irrational but I am very insecure and I can't seem to get it out of my mind that everyone secretly dislikes me. I hate talking to new people because I automatically assume they dislike me. It has gotten significantly worse since I moved to a new state, and it is terrible. I told my parents and they refuse to believe me, and they tell me to get over it. They don't understand how crippling it is.

Do I have social anxiety? What do I do?

[Ennui.]

Hey,

While we can't diagnose you with a mental illness here, I will try and give you some tips.

First of all, is there anyone else you may be able to talk to about this? For instance, if you have a physical coming up any time soon a good person to bring this up to with would be your doctor because they are a professional who can diagnose you or at least tell you what to do. The second person I am going to suggest to you is a school guidance counselor or a school nurse. They won't yell at you or judge you, and they got into their job because they really like helping people. They will probably be able to give you ways to cope with these thoughts.

My therapist told me a lot about trying to rationalize these thoughts a bit in our heads. For instance, replace negative thoughts with positive ones. "They're probably just joking about something else," or "They don't know me very well, they can't dislike me yet," or "I have -list good qualities-, and people definitely will love me for these qualities."

You can also remind yourself that if you haven't done anything wrong to them, it's likely that they don't actually hate you. If they're kind to you any time they see you, they probably do genuinely want to be friendly with you!

I know that for me I sort of had to force myself into a positive environment to get out of my comfort zone and meet people a little bit. Does your school have any clubs? They may give you a bit of a confidence boost because you will at least know that some of the people in these clubs have the same interests as you, and that can be a good conversation starter.

I'm sure someone will come along and give you more tips, but I hope these help some!

-Dez

[perturbed]

I'm scared to go to the guidance counselor because I know my parents would see it as going behind their backs. I don't really go to the doctor regularly and when I do my parents are there (I've never really been to the OB/GYN, which would be the only circumstance my parents would not be present).

Thanks for the tips. The problem is that I don't only do it with new people, I do it with my friends, too. It's a constant paranoia and it causes me to never act like my normal self... as in I tend to conform for the sake of getting along with someone.

I'm in track, and I'm friends and get along with all of the track girls, but I still get anxiety when I'm around them. It's like I KNOW they like me, and I KNOW they don't hate me, but a little voice in the back of my head always tells me they're mocking me when I'm not looking...

Thanks for the tips, I really do appreciate it.

[Ennui.]

As for the guidance counselor, they would be able to keep it confidential for you. The only time they would have to report it to your parents is if they had reason to believe you were a danger to yourself or others, or if there was a reason to believe you or someone you know who is an elder or child is being abused. So, if that's not the case here, I think you should try going to the guidance counselor, since they wouldn't be able to tell anything to your parents without your permission.

I do that with my friends, too. That's where I DEFINITELY have to remind myself that if they're continuing to hang out with me, they must really like me!

[perturbed]

Ok. I think I might go to the guidance counselor, I'm just scared to (probably also my anxiety lol).

That's very true. It's just I hear stories of people hanging out with others because they feel obliged and stuff like that and it sends me anxiety through the roof. Luckily, I never get physical symptoms that others seem to get (like heart racing, palms sweating) but I do get very constant thoughts in my mind, and that is trouble all in itself...

[Ennui.]

Is there any way to write the guidance counsellor a letter or email? That is what I had to do sometimes to stop myself from backing out. I gave the letter to her personally, but if your guidance counsellor has a secretary, giving the guidance counselor a letter through them is also an option. If you put it in the guidance counsellor's mailbox or send an email, make sure that they actually check these regularly. You don't have to spill everything in the letter if you don't want to, but maybe you can at the very least say you've been having a problem with social anxiety and want to make an appointment. Maybe you can list some times that you are able to come down.

Yeah, the constant thoughts are my issue as well! Definitely keep reassuring yourself when these thoughts come and perhaps find ways to distract yourself to focus on other things?

[perturbed]

Thanks for the tips! Yeah I think I might email, although idk if it is regularly checked. My school is massive and has around 8 guidance counselors, so I'm not sure how easy this'll be.

I usually try to redirect myself by playing a game on my phone or something (if I'm not in the middle of a conversation, obviously) but it doesn't really help...

[Ennui.]

My school only had about five, but they were assigned by grade level, except for freshmen who were split between all of them alphabetically. Do you think you'd be able to find out if your school does something similar?

[perturbed]

I think they do it by last name letter? I think I'm going to go in after Christmas break and try to get this all figured out...

[Ennui.]

That is definitely a good idea! The sooner you get it done, the better. A teacher or a secretary at the guidance office will definitely know who to talk to. You don't have to tell them why, but if you do, you can always say it's for academic reasons since they help with that too.

[perturbed]

Ok, I'll do that. Thank you so so so much!

[Philomath]

Hi There,

I hope that talking to the guidance counselor after break is helpful to you.
i'm sure if you ask the secretary they will be able to help you find your counselor or maybe your school has a handbook you could look at that lists which letters are for which counselor? my school counselors were organized by last name alphabetically as well.
Try keeping yourself busy. May make yourself a stress ball you can hold by filling a balloon with flour. I have one of those and it helps.
Keep us update on how thing go.
I am going to close this thread since it appears you have decided what you are going to do. If you would like the thread opened again, you can PM me or you can create a new thread to update us and/or seek more advice.
Take care.
You can PM me if you ever need anything.