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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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Telling my mum. - October 4th 2015, 11:06 PM

This is just a situation which I really need help with, I am like this all the time with anything. Asking teachers for help, contributing to discussion. Half the time I end up almost pee'ing myself in class because I don't want to raise my hand and ask to go to the toilet.

This is going to sound really stupid, but hear me out.

I'm 14 years old, and spend most of my free-time on my computer playing CS:GO with friends. However I am not fat, and fit the typical gamer stereotype. I am at a good weight for my height and everything is fine. However I really want to start exercising and getting my life together. Now, I am looking to get a seangares sort of figure as soon as I can. I have looked up how to exercise, what I need. Heck, there is a gym across the road from me which I could go to with a teen pass. There is just one problem.

I am really nervous about telling my mum, and letting others know.

I know my mum will react positively but I can't be sure can I? I mean, I have friends that go, and my mum has said she would go to the gym if I would go. But she is used to me just sitting and doing nothing. And the change would be so huge, I tried to hint at my friends who has started going on runs that I could do the run better then him. But he isn't taking them and saying "come on do it then". I want someone to tell me to do it and I will do it. I can't say to people I want to do it.

How do I overcome this? I really want to start because it would benefit me later in life but I just can't work up the courage to just say "Mum, I think I want to start going to the gym".
   
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Re: Telling my mum. - October 5th 2015, 05:05 AM

Don't worry at all! I'm glad you posted about this because this isn't stupid. You have no idea how common this is. A lot of people have such a hard time asking/telling a person even if it's something trivial. Some people don't realize what an issue this is and how scary it can be. The simplest things can be such a big deal to speak up about.

Is there anything that you can do to gradually get yourself out of your comfort zone? For example, could you start small by doing what you feel the least nervous about then move up to the bigger things? You mentioned quite a few things that make you nervous for examples, like contributing to discussions, asking teachers for help and what you created this post for - asking your mom about the gym. Out of all of those things or things that you did not include in this post, what do you feel the least nervous about doing? Whatever that is, do your best to do it. Focus your mind on another thought or bring something that will keep your senses busy such as chewing gum or tying your shoes as you talk. Doing something while in a conversation could help you as you can focus on something else so your mind won't be only on the anxiety you feel towards it.

Another tip is to write down what you feel you can't say verbally on a note and give it to that person. This is easier than verbal confrontation and it can be a first step towards voicing things that you once felt you could not speak up about; wanting to tell your mom about going to the gym for instance. On that 'note' ( ), can you speak to your school guidance counselor about this issue? You could use the same method of writing out what you're having trouble with on a note. I understand that most likely feels scary also because it can be worrisome to wonder if the person you're opening up to will even understand what you're having trouble with rather than dismissing it. I doubt that will happen just for reassurance, but to confront that fear you can clearly explain how speaking up and approaching people is such a difficult thing for you, hence why you wrote this out on a note in the first place. Speak and explain from your point of view so others understand. Getting advice/support from your guidance counselor could be helpful.

Just remember, while this is obviously a really difficult issue for you to overcome, you can overcome it. Be patient and continue doing small things to work towards overcoming it. I believe that eventually the things that were once terrifying to do will start to become easier and easier as time goes on.

Hope this helped some and I also wish you the best of luck with this. Hang in there, you can do this.
   
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