Social anxiety

I am writing this from my phone so please excuse any mistakes.

I'm pretty sure I have social anxiety. I've never gotten a diagnosis but that's mostly because I've had more pressing issues to deal with when I'd see my psychiatrist so I wouldn't talk about my extreme issues with social situations.

And example I can give is this, I've been going to a book club since August of 2014. I stopped going around November or so and didn't go back until this year. I've been going once a month since January, so 8 months. I still have trouble talking to the girls, I feel insecure and inferior and weird. They are all super nice and I'd love trying to make friends with them but it's difficult because we only meet up once a month (occasionally two times in a month for movie night). I have this issue wherever I go. In school I never really talked to people or made friends. The people I did talk to initiated it and then it got easier.

The thing is I look forward to the book club and I make sure to go to every month and I'll keep doing that when I start working. But, I haven't gotten truly comfortable and I end up feeling awkward and like a fish out of water. I feel weird and like everyone is judging me and it makes it difficult.

I had this same problem with my friends when I first started hanging out with them. I'd hang out with them but I wouldn't talk much and I didn't get close to them until after my friend C and I talked one night when we were alone.

I struggle with socializing and I am gonna start working soon and I know there are certain jobs I won't be able to handle because of my social anxiety.

I plan on talking to my psychiatrist about it and seeing what he says and in a few months I'll be able to afford to go back to therapy.

But, if anyone has struggled with social anxiety what has helped you? I'd like to get more comfortable in my book club but it doesn't seem to be happening and I worry I'll give up on going eventually. The only good thing is I have stopped getting anxious before I head to the persons house. So, it is improving buy I'd like to be able to talk confidently with people.

[Celyn]

I'm not sure how helpful this is going to be, given that I have the same problems, but thought I'd share my thoughts anyway, and hope others can help you (and perhaps me!) out too

I can really relate to finding it difficult if you only meet up once a month. I know that regular practice lessens anxiety, but if the book group is once a month, then I understand why you would still feel anxious. It is really good that you look forward to it though. I'm not sure how relevant this is, but are you friends with anyone from your book group on social media? What helped me over that hurdle, was talking to my friend on social media...I find that if I went a while without talking to someone, and then am expected to meet up with them, it can be more awkward. But being able to have 'regular' conversations online, especially if you can bond over something, can make it feel more relaxing (or at least for me it worked).

I'm similar in that takes me a while to feel like a friend, and it usually involves me opening up to the other person after a while about something personal. I don't think there is much wrong with this, but I do understand how it can impact your social life.

I'm also wondering whether it's group settings you find it more difficult to socialise in, rather than one on one? I never seem to know my place in a group, so I sit back and don't say much. If this might be the case, is it possible to find a way to talk to one person from the group and get to know them a bit more? You could even alternate it if you like, and try to talk to each one, each month or something.

I think it's important to remember that we aren't mind readers. Some people may judge us, but it shouldn't show in how they treat us. If it does, then it says more about them than you. Most of the time though, people aren't judging you as they may be more concerned about themselves rather than what someone else is saying, doing or looking like.

It's definitely an achievement that you have stopped feeling anxious before getting to the person's house! I also think its a good topic to bring up with your psychiatrist too, who I hope will be able to help you more.

[Green Yoshi]

Hello .

I think that one fact to remember is that its not just you who's dealing with social anxiety. Sometimes, people get nervous when they think about how others are going to react to what you say and do, and its completely normal.But what you can do to lessen is is to learn to enjoy the situation, and act like how you want to act and put yourself in the mix and enjoy it the way you want. I find that when you're natural and genuinely immersed into what you're doing, your brain spends more time enjoying and taking in positive signals, rather than think about what could go wrong.

Besides that, if you make mistakes.. we all start somewhere. The most important note here is to give others a chance, and then to give yourself the chance to give others a chance. That will truly enable you to enjoy social situations more.

As always, if you need someone, I'll always be around. You can rant to me anytime!

[Always *]

Maybe if you try building up. Like I have a really hard time speaking in front of a group, but if you can find a chance to talk to someone one-on-one before or after the book club, that might make it easier to get to know them instead of trying to talk while in the group and then maybe you can build up from there.