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Anxiety This forum is for seeking advice on anxiety and stress related issues.

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Mannyfresh Offline
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Blocked. - January 30th 2010, 07:55 PM

Hi,

I don't know exactly where to begin, as this seems to be a rather complex issue for me, but I guess Ill start with the basics. I am 18 years old, and I am currently going to a 4 year university about an hour from my hometown. Ever since middle school I suppose, when people would be begin to develop more complex relationships (as just friends and as dating relationships) I have felt like there is something I am just not doing to develop these same kind of relationships. It initially made sense to me that you would meet somebody, and begin to communicate with them and become friends, and then you know eventually get phone numbers and hang out outside of school or what not or even go on dates, but it just seemed like I wasnt humorous enough or just taking an incorrect step for these things to happen. I would make some friends and I guess I developed a few good relationships with buddies that I still know but it just seemed like I was always the one too eager to make close friends, I was always the one to ask for the phone number (not just the opposite sex here), and I just wondered why it seemed like people never really tried to connect with me and I was always the one trying to connect with them. I hope this doesnt make me seem stuck up or arrogant. I also have several physical issues that have made me wonder if they are responsible for the social difficulties I feel I face. Now, I am a tall guy, 6'4'', slim build, but I have a severe hearing loss so that I cannot hear out of my right ear at all and have lost about 15% of my hearing in my left ear. I also have lymphedema, so that my right leg is noticeably swollen with excess fluids and my fingers also have lymphedema so they are swollen as well. In middle school I was always stuck on the notion that it was because of my hearing loss that things didnt really feel correct on the social level, that because I was so deaf I missed a lot of what people said and it made it hard or even almost impossible to develop closer relationships with people. I have tried to relax and forget about things and just take my mind off things (meditation techniques included) but eventually I always seem to come back to the same problem or notion and it bugs the hell out of me.

Again I am eighteen and the biggest anxiety problem I feel I face right now except for the fact that I feel I have trouble making close friends is that it seems near impossible for me to enter into a relationship with the oppositie sex. Never, even in middle school or high school, was I able to actually get into a dating relationship with someone else (it always seemed like there was something that just turned them away).

Sorry if I seem to ramble on and am contemplating on things too much it is just that I am in the second semester of my freshman year at college right now and with the exception of one friend who I have known well since high school and a couple friends who that friend is close with I have not really been able to make any close friends that I hang out with on a daily basis or at least even a few times a week. It just seems like everyone is too impersonal and busy with other things to do like they dont expect that someone else would want to hang out.
   
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Lizzie Offline
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Re: Blocked. - January 30th 2010, 08:06 PM

I just think reading this is interesting, because I tend to be the exact opposite most of the time. I rather have friends I only hang out with occasionally, and I rather not make plans because it stresses me out too much. So just last night, a guy friend of mine text and asked if I wanted to hang out, but that stresses me out so I lied and said I was busy. So try not to take it too personally, because you could just be running into people like me.
Hmm, but you say you are at university now. I can understand how it is hard for people to make new friend when you leave for school. Have you thought about joining a club? Universities tend to have tons of them. And it is much easier to make friends with people who already have something in common with you. Plus clubs and campus groups tend to do stuff all the time together, and it will give you time to socialize. So, I think that is something to really think about.

P.S. Welcome to the site.




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