I'm lost in Anxiety

[kindlyUnspoken]

I think I'm going crazy. My anxiety has never been so bad and it has ruined my life. I don't go out with friends, me and my boyfriend broke up today. Everything is horrible. I haven't been diagnosed with anxiety but I think I have it.

1. I'm scared everyone around me is going to die. Especially people from home (I'm away at college 4 hours away) and I won't be able to say bye, or I won't find out they died until later.

2. If I ask someone to go somewhere for me or to come over I'm convinced they are going to die in a car accident on the way.

3. When me and my boyfriend were dating I was so scared about us getting divorced 30 years from now because he was going to get annoyed by me that I pushed him to the limit being a horrible girlfriend borderline emotionally abusive because I wanted him to be sick of me sooner in the relationship rather than later so it wouldn't hurt as much. (My parents are still together and completely in love)

4. I don't want to have kids because I'm just sure they'll die before they turn 18. And if they don't die before they turn 18 since me and my husband will be getting a divorce I don't want to ruin their childhood. If those don't happen then my anxiety will ruin their lives because I'll be a crazy mom who shelters them way too much and doesn't let them do anything.

5. I don't like to go out with my friends because I'm scared I'll see someone I don't like or something will go wrong. I was dressed and at my friends house ready to go out for her birthday and I was in the bathroom while a bunch of my friends were getting ready and started having an anxiety and had to go home and just cried for hours.

6. Anxiety runs in my family and I am scared I'm going to go crazy and have anxiety for the rest of my life. My grandma has really bad anxiety and has nervous break downs and my grandpa can't stand her to the point he turns his hearing aid off so he doesn't have to listen to her and I was scared me and my ex-boyfriend were going to end up like that.

7. I'm convinced my marriage is going to fail so I'm scared to be in a relationship.

8. I'm going to be poor when I'm older I just know it. I'm going to be a failure even though I have so much going for me. I feel like I can't even see a future past graduating college. It's litterally black. I'm scared that I might want to die, but I don't know why, I have a great life, great family, and great friends. Am I ever going to get over this?

9. When I get lost driving I cry, like sob, like freak out bad lol even though I have a GPS that will renavigate right away.

10. I am scared driving even as a passenger all the time. I always think I'm going to be in an accident. Especially on the weekends, I think I'm going to get in a head on collision or T-Boned by a drunk driver. (I was rear-ended earlier this year and I play rugby so I see people drinking on the side lines just to drive away from the game. I have to leave the rugby game the day after the accident crying, even though I know the person drinking only had one beer and was capable of driving)

11. Now that me and my boyfriend broke up I'm scared I'm going to be pregnant because that is what happens when people break up. It's how babies are made! lol (Redic I know)

Please help me. I hope someone reads this, I know it's long. I just like this smiley so I put it on here because it made me giggle.

[stephmarie]

From one anxious person to another...I FEEL YOU!!!!!
I have G.A.D (General Anxiety disorder) so I know exactly how you feel. Anxiety was/is ruining my life. I'm in theraphy every week to a week and a half or so. I think it's helping. But I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to go on medication soon for it since it's really messing with my life.
Have u ever talked to your doctor about it? Since it runs in your family and all. If you haven't I urge you to do so. telling my doctor was the best thing for me to do. It helped me out soooo much. She made me feel like I wasn't crazy. Message me and we can talk so more.
Just remember you're not crazy and you can over come anxiety!
Blessings
Steph Marie