My boyfriend is the source of my anxiety?

[liiindsey]

I think my boyfriend is the source of my anxiety. I pretty sure I know what the anxiety started from, one of my past "boyfriends". Long story short, I did some things I shouldn't have and got into trouble with my parents. I was incredibly stupid. but the past is the past and I can't change it. Anyways my current boyfriend and I have been dating 5 months.. We're still on first base. I know there isn't anything wrong with that but whenever we talk about going any farther I just start panicking. About a month ago we were going to go to second base, but, I panicked. I keep thinking that's the only reason he's dating me. Not because he really loves me for me. ( which was the case with my ex) I think I could really love him but I've been holding back, and it's because of this anxiety. I can't help but think about my ex and everything that happened... How stupid I was and how I didn't THINK at all! I can't help but think that it will happen again with my boyfriend.
And then I wonder if it's really worth feeling like this. I keep getting depressed and I keep worrying. Maybe we should just break up. Right after the thing with going to 2nd base happened, I told my boyfriend I wanted a break. We took a break for about 2 weeks. My anxiety seemed to go away and I felt happier. I don't know if I was really happy though.
And today, I was texting my boyfriend. He asked if u thought we should do anything special for valentines day. I said yeah, but what? He said, .....idk lolol.( Of course in my mind all I can think is he wants to have sex or something. ) he asked, is there somewhere you want to go...something you wanna do (/)? I didn't reply to him. I don't know what to do or what to think! I haven't told him anything about my anxiety. If anyonewould possibly be able to help me I would really appreciate that Thanks guys. and sorry if some of this doesn't make sense...

[you'rebeautiful]

It does makes sense<3.
If he isn't pressuring you (which he shouldn't be), then I wouldn't say that your boyfriend is the source of your anxiety... but that maybe your past experiences are. It's always really important to be able to be honest in a relationship, especially about your relationship. I think that it would be really valuable for you to just sit down with him to talk... tell him what happened (or, if that's too much... give him a sort of outline), and tell him why things have been so difficult for you, when it comes to being intimate/getting together. Letting him know might help to dissolve any doubts he might be having about the relationship or even himself... and if he's aware of how you've been feeling, he can be more sensitive to you in the future.
I hope that it all works out. <3
I'm always around, if you need anything.
-Ada.

[liiindsey]

Originally Posted by you'rebeautiful

It does makes sense<3.
If he isn't pressuring you (which he shouldn't be), then I wouldn't say that your boyfriend is the source of your anxiety... but that maybe your past experiences are. It's always really important to be able to be honest in a relationship, especially about your relationship. I think that it would be really valuable for you to just sit down with him to talk... tell him what happened (or, if that's too much... give him a sort of outline), and tell him why things have been so difficult for you, when it comes to being intimate/getting together. Letting him know might help to dissolve any doubts he might be having about the relationship or even himself... and if he's aware of how you've been feeling, he can be more sensitive to you in the future.
I hope that it all works out. <3
I'm always around, if you need anything.
-Ada.

Thanks so much for the help (:
My boyfriend brought up 2nd base again and I talked to him about and and he was very understanding and caring about everything. I had already told him a little a bout my past relationship and he says he would never pressure me into doing something I'm not comfortable with. (: I'm so happy !! I feel like my anxiety is going away now that I've talked to him about it ! (:

[you'rebeautiful]

That's wonderful
I'm really glad that you got to talk to him, and that he was so supportive (: Sounds like a keeper! I'm really happy for you =]