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soconfused96 Offline
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Question Help, miss my teacher? - June 23rd 2013, 05:30 PM

Well I am going to be a senior this fall and I am a female. I live in a small southeastern US town where all grades are in one building. Therefore, the school shares an art teacher, Mr.() who is a younger male who was married. In tenth grade, me and my bestfriend took a photography class with Mr. () it was only the two of us and elementary students. however, the elementary were only in the class for 30 minutes. Then me and my best friend had an hour with only us and Mr. (). Needless to say, we became pretty close, but never more than a teacher and student. Well the next year, I was the editor of our yearbook and Mr. () was our new advisor. I had a class with him and one other student, ( along with middle school) in the mornings, and a yearbook class in the afternoons. We also txted each other a lot on the days of deadlines to make sure the yearbook was perfect. We also went on several trips with only me, him, and the other (male senior) editor. And we stayed after school a lot to work on the yearbook and every break we would talk in his room. We became friends as we shared a lot of common ground. Later this past year, Him and his wife were considering having children. Then, not only a month later, she suddenly divorces him after 6 happy years of marriage. At the end of this past school year he tells me he is moving to California. All the way across the country. Not only do I have to deal with the stress of losing an amazing teacher, and advisor, but I am losing a friend. I know it was probably wrong for me to get so close to him but I did. Now, I am so depressed as I have already struggled with depression. I am really really going to miss him. In a school of only 125 high school students, the lines between teacher and student are blurred, and now I don't know what to do. He is really really a stickler for the rules and I am afraid emailing him would be too unprofessional but I am missing him so badly. Help??????I even cried at the end of school when I got home.
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Re: Help, miss my teacher? - June 23rd 2013, 06:37 PM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp! =) I'm going to move this thread to the Education and Careers forum, since this relates more to a friendship with your teacher than a strictly mental health issue.

Generally, people discourage students from getting too close to teachers because they worry the teachers will be inappropriate with the students (ex. having a romantic or sexual relationship with the students, expressing favoritism by giving the students higher grades than they deserve). In this case, it doesn't sound like there was anything inappropriate - you just saw Mr. () as a mentor, and even as a friend. I've never viewed my teachers as "friends," but I've viewed a few of them as "mentors," so I can understand why you're feeling so distressed right now!

Do you have any way of contacting him now? If so, it can't hurt to get in touch and say that you miss talking to him. Since he is no longer your teacher, he might not object to an occasional phone call or e-mail, especially if you emphasize that he's been a mentor to you ("friend" might make him uncomfortable, even though he probably senses you two have a friendship of some sort - "mentor" sounds more professional).

In the event that he says talking isn't a good idea, or he doesn't respond to your call/e-mail/letter, or you aren't able to get in touch with him... well, it will hurt, but with time, the pain will fade. Years later, I still think about one of my teachers/mentors. She inspired me to work toward becoming a marriage and family therapist, and I miss seeing her on a regular basis. I've filled that emptiness with other relationships, though - romantic, friendly, familial, professional, academic, etc. People come and go in life. We can either choose to feel bad about their departure and sulk, or we can fondly remember the good times we had with them and continue to seek out those sorts of relationships, the ones that make a huge impact on our lives and change us for the better.

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Re: Help, miss my teacher? - June 23rd 2013, 06:46 PM

Hey, welcome to teenhelp

I kind of know where you're coming from. I got close to a teacher (not sexual) and was devasted when I left school. I don't know if I was depressed but I cried all the time. Apart from telling you the obvious that to avoid getting depressed to hang out with friends, take up hobbies etc, I also believe that since everything was done with the rules in mind, that you should ask him if he would mind keeping in contact- I'm sure he would love to. Since you're 16? then it shouldn't be too bad, however, there are people out there who would think the situation is inappropriate but since he would've left school and you are no longer his student, I don't see it such a bad thing. Theres no harm in asking, but obviously, if he can't then it's probably down to policy, rather than not wanting to stay in contact with you.

I'm slightly concerned that one minute he wants kids and then gets divorced, and tells you that as its his private life and also that you text.....that's something that wouldn't be allowed in the uk but if everything is innocent, I don't see anything wrong with asking to stay in contact. Honestly, I left my teacher when I was 11 and managed to stay in contact with her up till now-9 years! And I'm meeting up with her this summer for a catch up.

Hope things work out
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