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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Can you hear the silence?
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Question i need to make a decision about my life which will benefit me the most - September 23rd 2014, 10:57 AM

Hi everyone
Thank You for viewing my post.

This is my 2nd year at college last year did not go as i expected. I expected to make friends and get to know people and stuff. But the course i got put on was with people which did not suit me as a person they all had behavior problems.
Anyway enough of the past.
I started college this year in hope of a fresh start my mental health is not as much of a problem anymore. So i was hoping for a good start to the year i felt confident. I enrolled on a ICT course its about website building computers hardware working in IT industry. All that sort of stuff but i also have to do maths due to my low gcse grade and english as well but theres nothing i can do about that. I have to do that if i had my way i would not do it but apparently its very important to have those. So it can help me get a job i got told people look at your english and maths grades.
I'm on my 4th week i'm not 100% sure but i think i am i don't feel as if its going so well at the moment. A few reasons why i think this is that
i'm struggling once again to make some decent friends lunch times at college are usually spent by myself or with some of the kids. That do not seem to have many friends in the class either there is about 2 of us we normally sit outside the class room. In the ICT block its very isolated away from the rest of the college as its right at the front of the college.
I also struggle with social anxiety which is why i don't like leaving the ICT block. i'm not confident enough in social situations i'm fine when i'm on the internet or on a mobile phone but as soon as i know people can see me. I start to feel really nervous it all started when i was bulled my whole life for how i looked some times people use to really judge me. And needless to say it has really effected me as a person.
I'm not a big fan of the teacher he's from India i have nothing against him but when we first met he did lay me down and say i don't think you will pass this course. Which i think is a horrible thing to say to any one i also struggle to understand him he speaks English but its hard to understand him some times. Which makes learning harder a lot harder i also have dyslexia it takes me longer to understand things. He gets really annoyed if i don't more less do it right away.
One massive objective is to get some friends that's the main reason i am still at college i have no friends i don't go out i do nothing everyday i have like 2 friends. One is my best friend Adam and the other is my mate Jack i would not class him as a best mate as he can be really blunt and bitchy at times. But hes still a friend i enjoy talking to him knowing them for years we went to high school together. The thing is Adam rarely hangs out and all Jack does is wants to go out and play football. Which is not really my thing. I don't really get on with all the people in my class either. Some of them already hate me for no reason some of them mock me for no reason. There are a few nice kids but they are not my type of people i gel with. I'm also struggling with the work as well. I have a meeting with my personal support tutorial on Wednesday. As i told him i wasn't happy at college but the thing is i have to look at this in a career point of view as well as i do life view.

My options
i could go for a job which at the moment i don't think is the best idea as i struggle a bit in social situations.
I could go back to wear Adam and Jack live where i'm from and go to college there. Which could mean i could encounter some bad past plus Adam goes to that college.
i could look for an apprentice ship maybe but i have no clue. What in
If i had one wish for my career i would want to be a singer i would love to learn how to listen and be in a band but i have no idea on how to learn i can see myself doing it. If i learned how to sing clean vocals really well if not i have no idea what else i can do with my life. I don't want to be stuck working in retail work in life i don't feel that's for me and i know they are very common jobs i want to be doing something. I would like to get far in life like they say you only get one chance in life and i kinda want to make the most of life and do well for myself.
Life view

Im at college because i want to make some friends and would like to try and get to know girls. For chances of getting a girlfriend at the moment i'm stuck in the house all the time i'm coming up to 18 and i have nothing to live for. At the moment kinda sucks to be honest most 18 year olds i know have loads of mates and girlfriends. And have a direction in life i need to get myself a social life i do mention about getting a girlfriend i know these things take time but it is an aim as i'm coming up to 18 i don't what i should say to Luke at the meeting this Wednesday should i stay at college should i maybe change course? I have no idea what to do or what would benefit me. Should i give up on college it don't seem to be going right at college.
I would like to know your thoughts on this i understand this a rather long post. And i appreciate that for those who did make it this far well done you deserve a clap haha Thanks for reading this post it took me a while to type all this but i felt the need to vent out my frustration. I'm also in need of some help.
Once again thank you for viewing my post take it easy everyone thanks for reading.
   
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Re: i need to make a decision about my life which will benefit me the most - September 23rd 2014, 06:25 PM

Hey Justin

Your ICT course sounds interesting! And yes, you are correct- universities and employers do look at your English and Maths GCSE grades, so doing well in those will help a lot with your job prospects.

Iím not too sure about college, but do they have a cafeteria? Since the IT block is isolated, and you sit outside the class, then maybe finding another place not so isolated might help you to meet new people? You could also check for local places outside of your college to eat (if you are allowed off-site).

As for the social anxiety, are you having any counselling at all? Counselling can help with social anxiety and build your confidence in talking to others. That said, you could also challenge yourself by setting yourself small goals such as talking to someone new, asking for directions/time. This will give you confidence when talking to people too. It is easy to hide behind a phone, isnít it? Sorry to hear you were bullied, I was too, and I know what you mean about people judging you and looking at you. However, this isnít always true. Try to challenge the negative thoughts and focus on your positive traits.

It was very wrong for your teacher to put you down and say you want pass the course! Does he know about your dyslexia? If not, I suggest telling him. He should be a bit more understanding if it takes you longer to do work. Could you talk to other classmates, to see if they find it difficult to understand him?

With regards to your friends, is there a particular reason that Adam doesnít hang out? Have you tried inviting him out? Iím glad that you have arranged a meeting with your personal support tutorial- perhaps you could bring up the fact that some people mock you, which affects your wellbeing and that you are struggling with the work? Do you have other teachers or is it just the one? If you are struggling, I suggest you talk to him about it. Hopefully, he will see that you are trying to get help, which is always a good thing. It is good that you are thinking about it in career sense as well.

Looking at your options:

  • A job would be a good way of making money, meeting new people and becoming independent. But would this replace college, or would you be working and studying?
  • Going back to where youíre from, doesnít sound the best of ideas. You say Ďencounterí and Iím wondering if that means that you will be avoiding certain places/people and not just memories? Are there any other colleges you would be willing to go to?
  • Apprenticeships are a good way of being trained Ďon the jobí. Try researching apprenticeships in your local area and see if any interest you.
  • Most people start off in small bands and get Ďdiscoveredí. Do you know anyone with a band? Professional singing usually requires a teacher/coach. Iím wondering if there are any music clubs/courses in your college? Or local area? Private singing teachers may be expensive, so perhaps look around for courses in music first, before paying for a teacher. I love your ambitious spirit!

From what you have written, it sounds like you really want to socialise. This is great in conquering social anxiety! Do you have any hobbies or interests? Try looking up whatís on in your local area for activities and clubs that you may be interested in. This is a great way of meeting new people and doing something you enjoy at the same time. Once you become more confident in yourself and get friends, Iím sure you wonít be too far off from getting a girlfriend!

As for the meeting, it sounds like you are really struggling to make a decision. Itís great that you want to make friends, but what about your career options? I suggest writing a list of pros and cons for sticking with college and dropping it. You could also write a list for the options you talked about too. If you do decide to drop out, what would you do instead? Singing sounds like an awesome career, but is there anything else you would be interested in? Do you have a C.V? Try writing a brief one, including skills that you have, any work experience, qualifications. Also, think about your personal qualities and things you enjoy doing. Try researching different careers that you may be interested in. Do you have a careers advisor in college? If you do, try to get a meeting with them and discuss your options for a career. If not, try looking for a careers advice office in your local area or check out: https://nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/Pages/Home.aspx

All the best!
   
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