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oceaneyes95 Offline
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Having trouble with our finances. - January 22nd 2016, 09:58 PM

This is kind of a long story... like all of my other threads. But, I just wanted to ask for some financial advice. If you look back at my old threads that I have recently posted you'll see that i'm a stay at home mom/housewife. I'm married, and have a 15 month old. I'm also pregnant. Both of my pregnancies have been high risk due to my seizures that I have. I have seizures when i'm not pregnant too due to lack of sleep & stress. So, even though I want to have a job it's not in my best interest right now. My husband is a painter. He paints metal roofs on old buildings, and barns. He makes a lot of money doing it because each job is a few hundred or even a few thousand dollars. The winter has put a damper on his work because of the weather. But, even then we would STILL be doing way better if it weren't for his son & his sons girlfriend moving back to town. His son is about the same age as me because my husband is way older than I am. I have never really had a problem with him helping his sons with money because I much as I despise them I also tried to understand that my husband is just trying to be a good dad. So, I wasn't about to make him choose between them or me. But, here's where the situation is unfair. His son makes a thousand dollars every two weeks. But, instead of paying bills, buying gas, buying groceries ect. he spends it all on cars that they don't need. They have about five cars sitting in their driveway. So, we're left to clean up the mess. We buy their cigarettes (which really ticks me off), their gas, and they use my food stamps & WIC to get their groceries. Plus, we CONSTANTLY give them money here & there. So, therefore our bills aren't getting paid. Our phones & electric are getting shut off. I guess maybe his son doesn't know how to save money, and spend it wisely because he's never had to work due to the fact that he has always been in & out of jail. So, as impressive as it is that he has a job he still doesn't know how to manage money responsibly. Another thing that ticks me off is that his girlfriend could be on welfare too just like me. But, she thinks that she's too good for that. Which is why even though she may be about five months pregnant she won't go to the doctor because she can't afford health insurance, and won't get on Medicaid. But, she isn't too good to use our food stamps & WIC. Of course I wouldn't dare say of this to my husband because even when his sons are wrong to him their right. Which is why his last marriage failed. Thankfully, I did get to do my taxes this year because I did a lot of babysitting after I moved back in with my husband starting before we got married. Even though it wasn't that much I am using some of it to pay off the loan on my husbands truck that's not even my loan. In return for that favor he told me that as soon as he can he'll use his next big check to pay off my two medical bills that I haven't had to money to pay off for a while. So, I let it go. Then what's left after paying off the loan, and the tax place I am spending on myself so that I can finally replace all the personal belongings of mine that were stolen by my mom. We sat down, and calculated all of it. Then, we came to these agreements. But, still this doesn't help our financial situation in the long run. I feel pressured to work because all of our money is going to his son & his sons girlfriend. But, like I have said in my old threads we don't have a dependable babysitter & cannot afford one. Plus, my health is put even more at risk by working. I don't know what to do.


~~you doubted me then, but look at me now~~
   
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Re: Having trouble with our finances. - January 24th 2016, 05:38 AM

Well, for starters you need to have a talk with your husband about this situation. You can get in trouble for using the WIC and food stamps for them when they are meant for you. Tell him you are not comfortable with that. Tell him you are uncomfortable with the way the finances are now and you need him to take a careful assessment of how things are right now.


1. What if he died tomorrow? What if you died tomorrow? Do you have any sort of funds saved up? My father died when I was young unexpectedly and it put my mom in a bind. You two should start making longterm plans.

2. What would you two do if he became injured and was no longer able to work? Do you have any sort of money saved up?

3. Set a budget out. Budget where all the money is going. Encourage him to work with you for the budget. Start saving a nest egg of at least six months of expenses if not 1 year. This nest egg is for emergencies only. Cigarettes is not an emergency. Going out to eat or going on a cruise is not an emergency. This is for when one of you gets severely injured and no money is coming in.

4. Talk to him and address that being a good dad isn't throwing money at his son. Tell him he needs to make sure that his current family is being met and will be met if something happens to either one of you. It sounds like his son is old enough to earn that much money, then he needs to be less dependent on him.

5. Show him the needs. Show him the bills that are not paid. Set a budget up. Maybe allow for 50 dollars for his son a month.


Ultimately, you may need to get your authorized users changed and your pin changed. That way they cannot use your stuff.


Also, not to be mean but keep in mind that a lot of people divorce over money issues. If you are having money issues early on, it adds to the stress of the relationship. Talk to him and try to get him to agree to a current plan. I would also begin researching other careers for yourself like looking into whether you can begin to earn an education so if necessary, you can leave him and be financially independent.
   
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Re: Having trouble with our finances. - January 24th 2016, 08:28 PM

Thanks for the advice! Also, it is really difficult to talk to my husband about the issue because like I said before he always takes his sons side. I have also been talking to him about me getting a better education so that I can be able to have a good job for my own convenience of not having to go through him for money or material things, and also just as a backup plan if he were to get sick or injured. I have noticed an improvement in him within the past few days with him just giving his son money, or buying their gas & cigarettes. He has been seeing the issue for himself without me even complaining about it.


~~you doubted me then, but look at me now~~
   
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Re: Having trouble with our finances. - January 25th 2016, 09:12 PM

I still strongly recommend the budget. It may open up his eyes in terms of seeing the need for you to get a decent education for better job prospects. Since his son is around your age, he is probably at least 36 if not older? He will be facing retirement earlier than you and who knows how much money he has saved up.
   
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