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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Supermyrt Offline
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Don't know what to do anymore - August 1st 2017, 05:22 PM

Hey everyone
Ever since I was little, I wanted to become a vet. So I started studying that last year. It turned out to be horrible. I hated it, I felt stupid, didn't understand anything, failed almost every exam. I dropped out. This year I started studying to be a midwife. I like it. The lessons and theory was very interesting. I liked it a lot. I passed all my examens, and was really looking forward to having 3 weeks of internship in a hospital. It was horrible. I thought it would be fun (just as the lessons were), but I was scared and stressed all the time. I cried myself to sleep nearly every night. I hated starting my shift and was always releaved when i could go home. I passed the internship. And I enrolled in my second year. I just don't really know if I can do this. I'm generally very stressed, but this was taking up so much of my energy. I don't want to go on another internship and I'm already very stressed about it. I can't tell my parents. They expect me to just continue. My mom even said that when I started midwifery, that I had to continue even if it wasn't my thing.I couldn't go and do something else.
But I can't just go and pretend that I'm fine. I feel horrible just at the thought of having to start again next year.
I don't know what I want anymore. I wish I could just go away for a year and figure things out, but my parents will yell and be angry at me. I need to continue. They say they want me to be happy but I feel like they want me to be happy on their terms.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
   
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Re: Don't know what to do anymore - August 1st 2017, 07:31 PM

Hey there, I'm sorry that you ended up hating what you thought you wanted and that your parents aren't willing to accept your choices. At the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you, this is your life you're working towards and it it's making you miserable, there's no reason to do it. I was actually going to suggest that you take some time off to think about what you really want. Your parents may not like it, but they can't exactly stop you either. You're still young and have plenty of time to figure it all out. Despite what everyone says, you don't have to figure it all out overnight. On average people change careers 7 times probably because they thought they needed to figure it all out and then realized they weren't happy.

If you really don't know what you want and you want to take time off, plan out what you'll do instead of school during that time so your parents feel like you'll be productive, and then go ahead and take a break.


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Re: Don't know what to do anymore - August 1st 2017, 09:59 PM

The problem is that as long as I study, my parents recieve 170 euro's every month. And if I stop studying, they lose that money. That's why they want me to study. The decision isn't easy. I know i'm not happy, but I don't want my parents to lose that money or be dissappointed in me.
   
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Re: Don't know what to do anymore - August 2nd 2017, 11:24 AM

That sounds difficult. It's understandable how you feel about not wanting your parents to be disappointed in you or lose the money. But equally, your happiness and wellbeing matters, so if you are struggling with aspects of the course, then it really is worth considering whether it's good to continue or not. While the theory of midwifery may be very interesting, there will also be quite a lot of practical work too. If you want to continue, it's best to see what else you can do with your degree once you graduate if you feel that midwifery isn't for you. You may also want to seek counselling from your university to help you deal with the stresses of the course.

Otherwise, as it's been said, this is your life, so don't be afraid of taking some time out to really think about what you want to do. And if possible, it may help to look into voluntary work or work experience as it sounds like though the theory side of things attracts you, the actual work is rather different.

Your parents shouldn't be disappointed in you. Many people, both young and mature, change courses and careers. It's okay if you don't really know what you want to do, or try a few things and figure they aren't for you. At the very least you are learning what interests you and what you struggle with. I'm sure that when you find something that makes you happy, your parents will be happy for you too!

And with regards to the money, I'm not too sure of how it works in your country, but there will come a time when you stop studying, whether you drop out or continue and graduate, which means that eventually your parents may lose the money regardless of what you do. So don't worry too much about the money, and focus on what you want or don't want to do.


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Re: Don't know what to do anymore - August 5th 2017, 02:58 PM

Do your parents actually need the money they get for you attending university or whatever that is?
If it's something they can survive without, i think it's time for you to think about yourself. You are 20, you're an adult, and you should not force yourself to do something that makes you feel miserable.
   
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Re: Don't know what to do anymore - August 7th 2017, 09:38 AM

They need the money. I just don't know if I should tell them. I'm just too scared that they will be mad and disappointed in me. Because if they are really mad ad me and kick me out or something, I have nowhere to go, no money or anything. I'm seriously considering just keep studying to keep them happy. They have done a lot for me so maybe I should just do this for them. I just don't know if it is such a goood idea to tell them.
   
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Re: Don't know what to do anymore - August 7th 2017, 10:00 PM

Perhaps if you do decide to talk to your parents, you can come up with a compromise e.g. carrying on studying, but on a different course or find other ways of either you or your parents earning more money (especially if you plan on staying at home and want to help with bills or if there is the possibility of you moving out instead). If there is a real risk of you being forced out of your home, then it may be worth looking into homeless shelters or potentially staying with other family and friends.

Your parents may need the money, and they may have done a lot for you, but that doesn't mean that you have to or should continue something that you aren't that happy with or can't see yourself doing in the future. The money that your parents are receiving will run out at some point- whether you graduate, drop out or reach a certain age. That is their responsibility to sort out how to budget without the extra money. They may ask that if you plan on continuing to live at home that you help to contribute with bills, so that's another thing to think about.

Only you will be able to make the decision as to what to do next. Your parents may have their own feelings but you can't help it if you realise that the practical elements of the course are not what you expected.


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Re: Don't know what to do anymore - August 9th 2017, 10:28 AM

It's just really hard because I have a lot of things that I have to taken in accpunt. Not only
will my parents loose the money, if I earn to much money, they will have to pay even more taxed ( they already have to pay so much) and I will probably have to pay taxes. And as for having a plan, I don't know what I want to do, that is the problem in the first place. I'm seriosly considering just not telling them and just keep going. I don't see another solution. I have no plan for them to see, there are only negative things when I stop studying.
   
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Re: Don't know what to do anymore - August 10th 2017, 11:45 AM

It's unfortunate, but the majority of people have to pay tax when they earn a certain amount of money. But that shouldn't stop you from applying for certain jobs.

Is there a careers advisor or student services that you can talk to about this? I understand that it's difficult and that there may be more negatives by stopping your course, but equally, it's good to think about what you'll do once you graduate (especially seeing as you didn't like the experience of the internship).


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