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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Thinking Offline
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Depressed - October 18th 2018, 01:51 AM

I dont even know where to start writing.

I can't ask for help, or more like i don't think it can be helped anymore. No one in real life can help me: nightlines wont work, samaritians are not always open. College counsellor requires "appointment" and is not availible.

I have been feeling detached with the people around me, and now i am also detached from maths as well. My IA assignments are not progressing and I cant revise/learn math at all. Lately has been really depressing because other than assignments i can't do anything else.

It is very funny how the fact that i can't go to part II/part III lectures as a part IA student can make me feel so depressed. And the fact that every IA student advised me to go back to IA lectures, makes me feel worse. Did I made a mistake already?

Or worse, I am not daring enough to tell others about this "joke": you rant about how you cant do the IA work well, while you skip IA lectures to attend part II/III lectures?! Someone is yet to say this to my face, and I can totally understand that if it happens.

And i went back to part IA lectures today, and it's very sad and boring. I can't enjoy math and cambridge like this.

My family spent a lot of their savings just to get me attend good lectures that i truly love. But now it'e screwed up because i can't do IA assignments. I thought i was good enough to do IA work since i had taught myself them before.

Yet i still failed.

And the depressing thimg is no one will understand. If I ever tell them something this ridiculous, the only possible response is you should stay in IA, since you are not ready yet. And if I conform to them, then all my effort in self learning are wasted, and unconciously agreed that I am no good to skip IA lectures. the thing is no one will help me since I cant make a stand that i want to attend part II/III lectures.

And in the meantime i am behind progress of the part II/III lectures i attend, because today I went to part IA lectures instead. And all these while i cant revise what i learn in part II/III at all since the whole afternoon and night are all wasted on that one or two ridiculous IA problem. (That one problem which can spend me a day or two, and yet its trivial to all my IA classmates)

And i was listening to beethoven op 90, 2nd movement, the nostalgia of the music hits me hard and I really miss my family now.

And possibly the fact that there are no friends at all may be a reason I am depressed.

(I was just 10 days into part II/III lectures and all these happened)

(Note: Part IA= 1st year undergrad. Part II= 3rd year undergrad. Part III= 4th year undergrad/graduate)

I am not even sure whether I want to write this here or not... I mean, I cant get any help on something like this. People wont get how depressing it actually is to me.

Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Doglover2 Offline
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Re: Depressed - October 18th 2018, 03:23 AM

There are some things to consider why you could be failing the class. Note: I do not mean this in a rude way or trying to make you feel worse, these are tips and reasons that many people do not realize when doing math. I, myself, am good at math but make these mistakes. I'm good at geometry but I can't do 6th grade algebra to save my life. So consider these:

1. Simple mistakes. Perhaps you added rather than subtracted. Or multiplied 6 and 3 instead of adding them. It's quite a frustrating mistake and often feel dumb for them, but its okay to make these mistakes and recognize them.
2. Distractions you didn't even know were distractions.
3. Burn out
4. Flipping graphs. Like it goes one way but you made it go the other way
5. Missing resources

If any of these are the issue, don't beat yourself. The greatest mathematicians make mistakes themselves and have to redo it. I recommend working with a free tutor or a classmate from Part 1A. I find doing math with another person, reduces my mistakes. You can also do the work, and later on go back and check for any mistakes.

Your bio shown says your 19, so I'm guessing you are a freshman? Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm still in high school, so I don't know how college works, entirely. I have taken a class that college students taught about college and all sorts of things of being an adult. They told us that it is quite common to miss your family, and I'm sure they miss you too. Is it possible to visit them during weekends or holidays?

(This message is everywhere, I apologize)

I think once you finish 1A, and move on to 1B or 2 or if you need to repeat 1A, see if there is a math club or group. Ask around and see which teacher others recommend. Sometimes, different teachers can fix things.

I hope this helps. Let me know if there's any flaws in this and maybe I can find alternatives.

I can reach out
To someone not like me
If you ask for help it doesn't make you weak
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Badeeshavav Offline
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Re: Depressed - November 10th 2018, 11:52 AM

Pull yourself together and trust yourself and everything will work out for you, believe in yourself!
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
lourent Offline
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Re: Depressed - November 11th 2018, 06:42 PM

just trust for ureself
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