Does anyone else trigger themself on purpose?

[Soda_Voxel]

I've been doing this for a while. I'll expose myself to anything that upsets me or triggers me, which is a lot of different things. I think I do it because I think I deserve to feel upset, scared, vulnerable, and angry. It's like non-physical self harm. Does anyone else do this? I know it's dumb, and I should stop. It's just hard.

I don't think this is dumb at all! I do this too, mostly by going down the Wikipedia rabbit hole; I tend to end up on pages that can be considered creepy and morbid. I think this isn't necessarily self-harm in the strictest sense; but more like a sense of curiosity or desire to do something you know will be upsetting.

I am having a hard time explaining it. The general gist is that it's like an addiction; you know it's bad for you and it makes you feel bad... but you keep doing it anyways. The best thing would be to engage with the world more, find more distractions so you don't feel the urge to take the route you've been taking and consider to be self-harm.

For instance, if I catch myself falling down the Wikipedia rabbit hole, I will click on a random link in the article that is not creepy or morbid as a way to reroute my 'adventure' on the website. Most of the time, it works and I am able to forget it after ten or fifteen minutes. The toughest part is when you're having bouts of insomnia and those images or sounds appear in your mind; as I said previously, find distractions that are safe and reasonable for the hour you are awake. Play video games with the sound on mute, read a book with the beside lamp on, etc.

I do this sometimes. I used to do it more often in the past, but over time I realized it's not healthy and, while it may be emotional self-harm at first, for me it would often turn into physical self-harm.

It's understandable to want to lean into an emotion using various media (music, movies, shows, books, etc.) because you want to validate the emotion. But in reality it's better not to give in to rumination and stressful emotions because it takes away from what really matters, the present moment. In addition, it only serves to cause your body and brain stress.

I learned to do a DBT skill called "opposite to emotion" in the scenarios. Basically if I feel myself getting overwhelmed by sadness, or anger, or another "negative" emotion, I would surround myself with the exact opposite. I'd put on happy music that makes me want to dance, or I'd watch a funny show. Something to change my emotional state. It doesn't always work but often it does.

Your feelings deserve to be validated, just not to the point they overwhelm you. Have you thought about journaling, or even using the blog feature here on TeenHelp? I find it to be quite useful to write out my thoughts. Very cathartic, and you can validate them there and then put them aside, almost like you're locking them in a little box.

Good luck. I hope this helped. Please feel free to PM me if you need anything.

[Everglow.]

I have done this too and sometimes find myself doing it still. I don't think it's dumb at all. I don't think it's necessarily a good thing to do, but I believe it's more common than you think. People sometimes get a certain kind of release from experiencing negative emotions, such as being scared. I think it's very possible a similar thing might happen when seeing something which triggers you.

I think recognising when you're getting into this kind of behaviour is a good thing though. Are there certain things or circumstances which get you on the path to triggering yourself? If so, maybe you can make a note of it so that you're aware of when this happens, almost as if that was a trigger itself.

I also think distractions are a really good idea and the idea of rerouting when in a rabbit hole or looking at opposite emotions are both really good ideas. I'd also recommend getting away from whatever it is that gives you access to triggering content. If it's your computer or phone for example, try doing an activity which doesn't involve this technology such as going for a walk, writing something by hand or reading a book. Also, reaching out to others is a good thing too. If you're not comfortable telling them what's going on, maybe you can call a friend for a chat and talk about something unrelated. This might be a really good distraction in itself.

[Dawn.]

Hi there,

I used to do this but now I often avoid things that trigger me or I try to push past it to overcome what it is that triggers me.

[Celyn]

It's not dumb. I've struggled with this before and sometimes still do. I try to catch myself when the temptation hits and ask myself whether I really want to do this because I know it will make me feel worse.

I try to avoid temptations now, which is both whatever triggers me but also whatever I'm doing that might lead to temptation. For example, I've previously (and sometimes still do) struggle with health anxiety. If I notice something about me or someone else and I'm on my laptop, it's very easy for me to start looking things up online. So I try to get off my laptop and do something to take my mind off it. This is similar to if I start looking things up online, trying to analyse my life, but then I take other people's opinions personally, I know I'll end up doubting myself and feeling upset. So I try and do something else, other than looking stuff up online, as I know it'll just make me feel worse. It's hard because the temptation can be strong at times but I just remind myself that I'll feel worse if I follow through with it.