Med, Law, or nothing?

[MsSkywalker]

My mum wants me to do men and she's very very adamant about it. My dad thinks I would make a good lawyer. My mum is pretty clear that she only wants med. I wouldn't mind doing med, but its so hard to get in and there's too many exams and stresses. Besides, I'll be in uni till I'm 30.

I really want to travel and taking med means I can't study overseas for more than 6 weeks - I want to do a whole semester.

I've tried to tell my mum that I want to make this decision on mhy own, but she is clear than its med or I'm basically a failure.

What should I do?

[Ennui.]

What do YOU want to do?

What are your passions, things that excite you, things that you enjoy? You don't have to force yourself to do either law or med, because here's the thing: If you don't enjoy what you're doing, you're not going to have a very happy or productive life. You don't want to do a major just to please other people and then go to class, and then work, day in and day out and hate what you're doing. Plus, you'll perform better if you're doing something you actually like rather than something you're doing because you think you have to. If you aren't sure what it is you like yet, that's okay. Take your time.

You are NOT a failure if you don't go into med or law. It isn't fair on you that they're pushing such expectations on you when you're your own person with your own goals. You definitely should decide for yourself no matter what your parents say, because it's you who has to live with your decision for the rest of your life. Want med? Go with med. Want law? Go with it. Want to be an art major instead of either of those options? Heck, be an art major! Don't want to go to college at all? That's fine too. What is the decision YOU can live with and will be the most beneficial to YOU in the long run? Your parents should be supportive of your decision, but if not, that's too bad for them.

You're only sixteen, you have time to decide what you want to do and what your priorities are! Don't rush things and explore your options. You deserve to be happy living your own life, not their life.

[MsSkywalker]

I agree with you that I shouldn't succumb to the pressure, but it's impossible. When I chose history over physics my mum didn't speak to me for 3 days and was mad at me for a month. I was sad but I dropped history for physics and now I'm failing it.

I always tell my mum that I won't do well if I don't enjoy it but she always turn around and says that I have a talent for talking to people and I'm really compassionate and want to help people so it would be a waste for me not to go into med. I tell her I'm too young to decide, but the test to get into med is not too far away so she has a point that I should start working now.

On top of this, my dad is a doctor, so I see the kind of life I would have - long hours, exhaustion, and some other really bad stuff. I told her that I don't want to go through that, but she says that I'll earn good money and be able to travel later in life. But by then I'll be OLD!

She is not willing to see my reasoning, and every time we talk, it leaves me in tears and I just can't reason with her.

[Everglow.]

I'm sorry that you're feeling so much pressure from your family to study what they've chosen for you.

It's really hard not to give into that pressure especially when people aren't willing to hear you out. I feel like for degrees such as law and medicine, you have to really feel passionately that this is what you want to do in order to enjoy it and succeed in it. They're really hard fields to get into and succeed in anyway, so your heart has to be in it. It doesn't make you a failure in anyway to not share their vision of what your life should look like. You can put your compassion and skills into a huge range of things other than just these careers, and at 16 you don';t have to have it all figured out!

I understand that you find talking very upsetting, and it's never nice to end up in tears with your family. I would suggest that you keep trying to make her see how strongly you feel about this though. Crying is never nice, but perhaps she will see how upset you are about this and work with you rather than against you. If you have a friend or other relative who might be able to help you with this, that could work too. Maybe a cousin or aunt or grandparent - somebody who can sit with you when you talk to your parents and back you up if they give you a hard time. I know it isn't a pleasant conversation to have, but you're doing nothing wrong by making your own decisions about what you want to do in your life.

[Dawn.]

Hello there,

I really believe that in order to succeed in life, you have to follow what you want to do and not what others force you to do. If you wish to study law, by all means study it. If medicine is what you are interested in, then study medicine. But please remember to not do something because your family wants you to do it. I hope this helped.

[Mallika]

Hello there!

Thank you for reaching out!

First off, like others have mentioned here - your career is YOUR choice and no one else's. You don't deserve to spend your energy and precious time on something another person decided for you, if you can't see yourself doing it.

Now, I get the feeling that your parents coercing you to pursue Med or Law is a cultural thing. In several cultures, parents put a lot of pressure on getting their kids to pursue a so-called "prestigious" career. Even if it has nothing to do with culture, I can give you a few suggestions on what you can do:

1) Find something YOU want to do. Is it Art? Is it Physics? History? You're only 17, so you are still too young to figure out what you want to do, and that's okay! Just try to think of some subjects you like in school - career options will arise on their own. Once you have an idea of the subjects you enjoy, you can Google some university courses related to them. It's even better if you can show these courses' webpages to your parents, so that they recognise that such courses exist and cater to students' interests.

2) Tell your parents you're not interested in Med or Law. Sometimes, we have to just spell it out. I'm a big advocate of making your feelings and emotions clear. Be bold, but also be patient. Try not to lose your cool. Try to find a time to sit and talk with your parents and tell them respectfully but firmly - "I'm not interested in pursuing Law or medicine. Instead, I'm interested in _____ and I would like to study this instead." Just like you described nicely the reasons why you don't want to do medicine (the long duration of study) here on TeenHelp, you can tell them the same!

3) Your parents might say stuff like "Oh, but there are no jobs in your field of interest." Don't be disheartened. I will mention this again - follow what you are interested in and career options will arise on their own. The world is really your oyster. Let me give you my personal example - When I told my parents I wanted to pursue genetics, they were not thrilled. They had never heard of this field and didn't know there was anything we could do with a degree in genetics. But I stuck to my decision and now work in a cancer genetics clinic - my parents are proud of my decision today. If you want another story, it would be that of my sister. She's a designer. Again, my parents would never have thought that their kid would pursue an artistic discipline, but she did and now works as a graphic designer. Both my sister and I landed jobs despite pursuing unconventional fields. You can literally state our example; just say you read about this somewhere on the Internet. Trust me, it might give your parents a new perspective on jobs and careers.

4) Follow your heart. Please don't do what you don't want to do. Doing something you don't enjoy will make getting out of bed each day a task. You don't want that! Remember, you can and should stand your ground.

5) If you're in school, you can talk to a trusted teacher about this. Your teacher might be able to put in a word to your parents and convince them to let you do what YOU want to do, not what they want you to do.

Take care and feel free to PM me if you have any questions!

[javier221]

I think you should think a little about YOURSELF. That is the only opinion that matters the most because it is your future that is at stake. Think about what things interest you and then do some research. Nowadays, there are various subfields available under major degrees. You can never make everyone happy so try to make yourself happy. Find your passion and pursue your dreams because there will only be regrets in a few years. Also, there are major successful people in the world who neither go to med school nor studied law. It is only because they listened to their hearts and went with their passions. Besides, you are young and there are multiple opportunities waiting for you. Do not give up!