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Academic apathy. - June 13th 2009, 09:14 AM

So usually I'm smart and I care about school. I had As in most of my classes the first half of the term. But then I just completely stopped doing the work. It's like eventually I'll want to do it...but it doesn't feel urgent. It could be due in an hour and I'd still think checking the internet is more important. Right now the term is over and I still have a ton of late homework sets and homeworks I just never bothered to do.

Like my TA gave me an extension on my last math homework. And I'm supposed to turn it in tomorrow, and he said it would make the difference between a B and an A. But I'm nowhere near finished with it. And the only reason I even started was because my friends know I'm destroying myself and they're trying to pull me out of it. And this is really sad because in my heart I know I'm great at math, and it's really hurting my pride to get shitty grades when all my friends who suck at math are getting As. But most of the time...it just doesn't seem to matter to me. I've stopped doing work, I've even stopped planning and thinking about the future. I can't bear to plan anymore. I feel like I'm walking in front of an oncoming train and I really don't want to die, but I don't particularly care enough to get off the tracks.

My family thinks I'm depressed because (a) I have a history of it, and (b) this whole apathy business started when I was upset over my friend going to the mental hospital. But the weird thing is I'm not particularly sad. I can laugh, I still enjoy things. It's just nothing really seems to matter anymore. I'm floating around, reacting to stimuli...but I don't really do anything long-term. I feel like a character pulled out of a book. I used to be part of a plot, but now I'm kind of...outside.

What should I do? I'm ruining my life. If I keep doing this I'm actually going to start failing classes and lose my scholarship. And even if I get my motivation back before next term starts, I know it'll happen again. This is the third time it's happened. I used to use suicide as a fallback, but now I can't even go through with that because I'm too damn happy all the time.
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Re: Academic apathy. - June 13th 2009, 10:01 AM

I have to ask... have you been pushed academically your entire life, up until your time at the university level? Because I have a lot of friends who had very rigid academic lives in high school, got perfect grades, went on to a top university... and crashed. Oh sure, they cared at first, but after a while... without the parents around, without the same kind of constant pressure that you would experience in a small classroom setting with a teacher who knows you by name... grades slip. You still want to achieve that end goal (getting a well-paying, fulfilling job), but at this very moment in time, doing the homework assignment or studying for the test can wait. Or be put off altogether.

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Re: Academic apathy. - June 13th 2009, 06:09 PM

yup, how'd you guess (:
i had the sort of parents who'd make me sit inside and do algebra in elementary school instead of playing with people. they stopped pushing in high school though.
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Re: Academic apathy. - June 13th 2009, 06:47 PM

Ahh yes. Okay. Well, the only way to "fix" this problem is to find yourself in the whole process. What do you want? If you want to achieve good grades, you can do so. But you have to do things for yourself and on your own. You can no longer rely on parents, friends, or teachers. This is all up to you.

Live and let live.
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Re: Academic apathy. - June 13th 2009, 06:55 PM

i think if i actually wanted something this wouldn't be a problem. like i had to take last year off because of sort of the same problem, and then i spent that year being super-motivated because i really wanted to prove i was stable enough to get back into school. but now that i'm actually here i don't really care. well, theoretically i want to get good grades, but that's just a fleeting thought...like i'll think "hey i should get good grades" and be motivated for the next fifteen minutes. and then i won't care anymore.
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Re: Academic apathy. - June 17th 2009, 02:19 AM

I was in this exact same kind of situation. I think the thing is finding a *reason* to get good grades. Like, if you know you want to have a certain career when you graduate, and you know getting good grades is a step to getting there, you'll be motivated to get good grades. So I would say do a little soul searching and find your passions, and try to persue something you're considering as a possible career choice.

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