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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Pour the Teapot Offline
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Unhappy i'm so scared - August 9th 2009, 01:43 AM

this is more of a rant, because there's not really anything you guys can do to help, but i just need to get this out, so here goes.

i'm really scared to go back to school. summer was bliss, i was finally able to get enough sleep, hang out with friends, not worry about curfews, bliss. summer makes me feel amazing, and i'm really happy with it.

but school starts in less than 2 weeks, and i'm really scared to go back. i never get enough sleep, i have no friends, and the stress gets so bad that it goes from mental to physical. even the teachers noticed it by the end of the year, i wasn't acting like myself.

during the school year, my day passes something like this: taking every inch of will power i force myself and the dog out of bed and see how much make-up it takes to hide the deep circles under my eyes. my mom gives me a ride on the 15 minute drive to school, i drag my massive backpack (more like suitcase) out of the car, into the school, and down the stairs. after restocking my locker with all the stuff i had to take home, i wander around without anyone to talk to until morning meeting begins. i don't really mind morning meeting, because quite often the teachers and/or students do something fun/funny. then is advising (homeroom) which i also don't mind, but then starts first period. because i go to a private school, i have 5 classes before lunch, with one break for about ten minutes after 3rd period where i take my dwindling supply of money and cram in some chocolate to make up for my small to none breakfast. then two more periods, then lunch, which 4 days of the week isn't so bad, with assigned seating that changes every 2 weeks, and advising seating on Wednesdays, but on Fridays its open seating day and i end up forcing myself onto a table that doesn't want me, eating in silence because no one cares about my opinion. the last two periods are alright, there's CHAD 6th period (computers health art drama), which i kind of like since it's usually fun and there's rarely homework, and then chior/P.E which alternates. Chior i like, i'm not so fond of P.E but i can hande it as long as i change in the stall and not out where everyone can see me. then after school there's about half an hour to either wander around bored, or cram in some homework time in the computer lab. then there's after-school activites, which means either i'm practicing for a play, or running up and down the field in soccer practice. then around 5 my mom picks me up again and we go home where i flop on the couch and just lay there for abut 10 minutes until dinner, then i cram my food, hurry through homework, take a shower, and then my time is up and i have to go to bed and do it all again tomorrow.

it doesn't sound so bad, but it's so exhausting, i never get a break, even weekends are spent doing homework, shopping for school clothes, or trying to gain enough sleep to make it through the next week.

i hate it i hate it i hate it. the fatigue i expierience is so heavy that i can barely move. by the end of the school year my limbs feel like lead and every step hurts. this is exactly what happened last year, and i'm so scared it might happen again. i don't know if i can handle it again.

again, i don't think there's anything you guys can do, i just had to get it out. thanks for reading.
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someonewithin Offline
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Re: i'm so scared - August 9th 2009, 06:44 AM

Hey you. I know exactly what you mean. I go to a private school too which is almost exactly like the one you describe. My parents expect so much out of me I'm always constantly doing homework and hardly get sleep too. I think you just need to try and relax. Make some free time for yourself even if its really hard too. Go sit with people who really do care about what you have to say, since you know whats coming make a change for the best and do what you can to make it bearable. I know its hard hun, but you only go through it for so long before its over. I wish you luck!
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Pour the Teapot Offline
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Re: i'm so scared - August 9th 2009, 02:22 PM

thank you so much! i will definitly try that.
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Hey Nikki! Offline
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Re: i'm so scared - August 10th 2009, 03:03 AM

No close friends, huh? I know how that is. I DREAD going back to school. It's gonna be horrible. I'm so afraid to be myself in school. It's private, so there's not many people in my class, and rumors spread as fast as hell. Not to mention they get rewarded constantly for getting good grades, while I get nothing.

Hopefully I'll get a job at the mall when I turn 16 in September! Then I can get discounts on clothes and reward myself for once.
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