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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
mermaidia Offline
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Choosing a college because of one person? - January 23rd 2010, 08:30 AM

Ahh, senior year. Gotta love it.

Except having to decide which college you're headed to (if you do choose to pursue higher education).

My question to you, my dear friends... How wise would it be to choose a school solely based on one person?

My ex-boyfriend who attends an out-of-state college wants me to go there in the fall. We do still have strong feelings for each other, though.

The thing is, is that... I don't know if going to a school based off the fact that there is one guy there that I have feelings for would be a wise decision. I mean sure, I'll meet other people, but it is still a big thing.

I cannot honestly say that I would want to go to this school under any other circumstances. I don't think I would have even applied there, if said ex-boyfriend didn't go there.

Hmm. I know attending this school would be a bad idea, but should I act based off my heart or my mind? Please keep that I'm crazy about this guy. He really means a lot to me. Please also keep in mind that there is no guarantee that we'll stay together, if I do go there.

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Re: Choosing a college because of one person? - January 23rd 2010, 09:06 AM

Do not go to a college/University just because your ex-boyfriend is there. Bad, bad move. I would not choose a college/University because my boyfriend of three years was going there, you shouldn't alter such huge decisions like that because of another person, you should go to the place that will give you the best college/University experience - in terms of enjoying it, and in terms of education (this means like, which one has the best reputation/department/course that you like etc..).

Also, when people go to college/University they are what? 17? 18? This sounds a bit patronising I know, but at that age, you are unlikely to have the same feelings for someone throughout the whole of college/University. You will change and they will change and you will meet different people. On top of that, you might end up spending your whole freetime with this guy, and never properly making your own friendship group. Or - as one of my friends has done at University - end up having mutual friends, which are really his friends more than yours, so when you split up you're left with no one.

I really would never recommend going to college/University with your boyfriend!

You have already said that you "know attending this school would be a bad idea". I think this is your answer. Just tell him you'd rather go to X college/University but he can come and visit you if he'd like to. I think you already know what you want to do and what is best for you.

Good luck x
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Re: Choosing a college because of one person? - January 23rd 2010, 10:13 AM

Forget about your ex boyfriend but still have a look at that college and see if YOU like it. Try going to an open day and seeing what it's actually like. You might like it and feel like you want to go there because of other things then. But if you visit and don't like it then don't apply there. Trust me even if you get back with your ex you might break up again and you'll be stuck at some college you don't like.
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Re: Choosing a college because of one person? - January 23rd 2010, 11:49 AM

I say absolutely not for a few reasons. First, what happens if while you and your ex-boyfriend are there and you break up your friendship? You will be emotional about it and you may question why you're even at the current college/university since the only reason you went has now parted from you, so what do you do?

Second, while at university/college you want to study as that's what you're there for, unless it's for pursuing sports. Regardless of what you're pursuing, you need to be focused and sometime you may want to go out and he is too flooded with work and vice-verca. You two may also fool around with each other and grades may suffer.

Third, and most importantly, going to a university/college provides an opportunity to do what you want to do. If you go to a certain one because of your ex-boyfriend, you still may be able to pursue what you want but depending on the area, another college/university may be better. There's also a chance if you're there together with him, you may be pressured to take a certain course that you know you won't do great in but go in anyways because he's there. It's a choice regarding you and your future. You cannot be certain he'll be in it or that 15 years down the road you'll like or even remember him. It's about you, a chance for you, he has his own chance and opportunity so let him pursue his and you pursue yours.

You can still be in contact if you want through things like Skype for the closest thing of face-to-face contact or simply e-mail.
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Re: Choosing a college because of one person? - January 23rd 2010, 11:57 AM

Have a look and go to an open day there, if you like it for other reasons then your ex, go there. But if you only want to go there for him, then don't. Because theres a good chance you might be stuck in a college you don't like by yourself if you guys have a fight or anything.

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Re: Choosing a college because of one person? - January 23rd 2010, 04:47 PM

If you just happen to like it there and they offer what you're looking for, then fine, go there.

Otherwise, yes, it is stupid to choose a college just because of one person.

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Re: Choosing a college because of one person? - January 23rd 2010, 05:37 PM

A general rule that I live by is don't make any major life changing or life altering decisons because of a friend or boyfriend or in this case ex boyfriend or any other person really. If you're going to make a decison based on just one person the one person should be yourself.

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Re: Choosing a college because of one person? - January 23rd 2010, 05:40 PM

Never never never make a college/school decision based on one person, especially when it's a shaky situation. You'll limit yourself of so many opportunities if you do that.

The best thing you can do is look at schools for what you like, what you'll be able to do, and what YOU will get out of it. You'll thank yourself down the road. Don't forget, there will be plenty of ways to keep in touch with him even if you aren't at the same school.
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