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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Uni- not what i wanted... - November 19th 2010, 05:11 PM

So i've just finished my 6th week at uni. And i'm just feeling really unhappy.
Whilst i get on with everyone in my flat and course, i've not made any close friends. I'm now planning to drop the language lessons that i'd been really looking forward to take as there simply too hard.

I had such plans to get fit, join societies and none of it's happend, i just don't seem to have the time. and now 6 weeks in i'm finding it hard to find opportunities to meet new people.

My course itself is good. But i'm really struggling with the assighnment side and don't feel like i'm coping with the academic pressure, nor the fears i'm getting about starting placement.

I just had all these intentions and none of it's happening. This on top of a break up of a long term relationship and being shot down by a guy i really liked is just knocking me. And i'm really tempted to leave


   
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Re: Uni- not what i wanted... - November 20th 2010, 05:27 AM

Hi,

University is very difficult. I just started university as well and it's not easy. It can certainly be overwhelming. Actually, it has becoming extremely overwhelming for me so right now, I'm home. I decided to come home earlier today and literally one hour later, I hopped on a bus and began my two and a half hour journey home. Sometimes, you need to just step back and breathe.

What is it that you want to do? There are so many opportunities available to you at university - but you have to prioritize. If you try to get involved with everything (which is what I did), you will likely become overwhelmed very quickly. Look into some clubs that your university has to offer. Join something that you're interested in. A lot of people join specific clubs because "it looks good" on their resume and such. While building a solid resume is important, you also need to fulfill your personal needs and wants as well. You need to enjoy yourself - that's a huge part of university.

For me, anyway, it is becoming very difficult to balance everything. There is a tremendous workload, an active social life, and hundreds of clubs. Who has time for it all? I've made so many new friends simply by getting involved. Meeting new people really isn't that difficult. Remember, you can be anyone you want to be. These people don't know anything about you and about any past you may have had. You can join a club, for example, and be extremely outgoing and confident - befriending as many people as you can.

Try to get involved with your university. Make a to-do list so that you have written reminders about all that you want to accomplish. Believe me, getting involved in university is so worth it. I've become so involved with my university over the last two months and I've had such an amazing time. I've met hundreds of new people and am really enjoying myself. Sure, the workload is hardly manageable but the extra-curriculars certainly help balance the stress from school.

If you have any specific questions, maybe I can help since I'm pretty much in your shoes - only, way over in Canada.

Take care and good luck.


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Re: Uni- not what i wanted... - November 20th 2010, 08:14 PM

You've only been there 6 weeks. Give it time Put aside a few hours a week to do some social things, look into joining one society. Just one won't take up too much time. Be organised and realise that lots of people don't like University to start with.


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Re: Uni- not what i wanted... - November 20th 2010, 10:45 PM

I'm in my fourth of five years at university and first year probably was the year that had the most stress because professors tell you to look to your left then right, and one of those people will not make it further on. That seems to be somewhat true. I've made plenty of friends without joining many clubs at all. I see who in the class I may have something in common with or I just shoot the shit with someone. People may be on edge but they're willing to make friends and many are in the same boat as you are, OP.

One thing that you've got to try to do as hard as it may sound is just relax. You've been in university only for 6 weeks, so give it time. Just talk to someone next to you when you sit in the lecture hall before the professor begins or during breaks for long lectures. I see that even in third year courses, there are people who are in the same boat as you're in, they want to make friends, get fit, etc... but they get over-worked along with any boyfriend/girlfriend relationships and the stress builds up.

Find a day when assignments are not due the next day nor any tests next day and use that day to relax. Plan part of that day for talking with people, such as in the cafeteria, sit down next to someone and just shoot the shit, relax, be open. Or, join a club and when there's an event that day, go to it and meet up with others, it's great because people want to make friends not only for social aspects but also for study groups. Most of the friends I made at university were from sitting down at the cafeteria next to someone and just asking how stuff is going or being in study groups. You could even go to the gym, talk to someone in the locker-room and if possible, during exercising, and when I did this, on the first time I met them, they gave their phone number, name and we had lunch or class together. Often they then go to other friends but that short time makes you feel much happier and more receptive to others.

I did a bit of mentoring, which involved working with other upper-year students to review over the first-year material with first-year students, give strategies, explain concepts, etc... . A good portion of them were stressed out at university and some hated it. Just stick with it and you'll do fine.


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Re: Uni- not what i wanted... - November 21st 2010, 01:14 AM

i'm not at uni yet so i obviously don't know how you feel - but from reading what you've written i think you need to give it a bit more of a chance. it seems that because of other things going wrong in your life (break up) it's making you look at uni in a negative light as well. it's not easy, but make an effort to meet new people. go out with people in your flat, socialise with them, arrange to meet up with people on your course, etc. have a bit more confidence in your abilities. the work isn't going to be easy, but you got onto the course so you're obviously capable. :]


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Re: Uni- not what i wanted... - November 21st 2010, 09:05 AM

Thanks for the support everyone. I guess i was just expecting to love uni. And instead it takes everything to get me out of bed each day. I'm definately going to try and join a society. But i guess my biggest issue is that whilst i meet people and can chat to them, i've never been able to push that aquaintance into a friendship.


   
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Re: Uni- not what i wanted... - November 21st 2010, 10:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by xsecretsx View Post
Thanks for the support everyone. I guess i was just expecting to love uni. And instead it takes everything to get me out of bed each day. I'm definately going to try and join a society. But i guess my biggest issue is that whilst i meet people and can chat to them, i've never been able to push that aquaintance into a friendship.
You don't need to worry about making that push if the other person is interested. I don't want to burst your bubble so I didn't say it before but I feel I should say it, your friends may take different courses or even different majors, and you may lose them as they find new friends. This isn't guarunteed because I have a friend who went from Economics major and language major, to computer science specialist while I'm in biology and psychology majors. Another friend of mine is in political science, so we may not get to meet often. However, another friend specializing in microbiology (I'm in neuroscience and physiology), has found new friends so we talk less due to conflicting schedules. By sheer luck, a friend I had in first year who I lost contact with in-person I found in fourth year as he's doing majors in chemistry and math, where the lecture hall is right next to mine. Just keep that in mind so when a change does come, you're not overly distressed.


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Re: Uni- not what i wanted... - November 24th 2010, 09:15 AM

Thanks for the replies. I just don't know how to be with this. Like i know uni's really important and getting the degree opens up loads of options. But i just don't know if i want to keep going with it.

I'll join a new society and hopefully meet people there. But if not i've come to a kinda dead end. I don't see how i can just walk up to people in the cafe's and stuff. There all in there little groups i'd look so stupid.

I mean, i've made a lot of aquaintances and some friends but i still feel so isolated. Plus i'm really struggling academically. Like i'm not sure how to go about half the stuff i need to for essays and the like.


   
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Re: Uni- not what i wanted... - November 24th 2010, 07:27 PM

I really don't know what to say except to sympathise, because I've been feeling this way a lot recently over the past couple monhts, and I know it's not very fun. I won't get into all my shiz but I know what it's like so I hope things start picking up.
The thing is, you're only six weeks in. A lot of people expect they'll love college straight away, probably because of everything we hear about it before we go ~ but when it's not amazing and brilliant you feel a bit let down. I really think things will pick up; a lot of people have trouble settling in at the start but I'd say this time next year you'll have forgotten you felt like this (:
My advice would be to really put yourself out there (which can be hard, I know myself, but it's worth it if you can do it) and go to the class nights out and on the class trips if there are any ~ apparently they're what really helps you get close to people.
Just remember that it will get easier, and I hope things pick up. And if you have any tips, let me know


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Re: Uni- not what i wanted... - November 25th 2010, 01:13 AM

Actually had a good day today. Met up with a friend who took me to her block so met some new people

I'm gonna join a new society next week, and am trying to get onto the college commitee.

Any more kinda practical advice on how i can actually meet people, and keep on top of my work?


   
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Re: Uni- not what i wanted... - November 25th 2010, 02:55 AM

word of advice. never get behind. do your assignments as soon as you get them and try and stay on top of your readings. do them a little bit each day. And as far as tackling assignments go does your university have a writing help center or something like that? Universitys usually have lots of options like that but you should definitely check into them. If nothing else profs are generally willing to help ya out And if ya ever wanna chat I'm always here so don't hesitate to shoot me a message. I'm definitely in the same boat as you.
   
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Re: Uni- not what i wanted... - November 25th 2010, 09:42 AM

I'm due my final dyslexia assesment in like 3 weeks- i havent had one since pre-16. So hopefully that will make my life easier. I just find were set several assighnments in one go, so i really struggle to balance it out


   
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Re: Uni- not what i wanted... - November 27th 2010, 06:38 PM

ah..ya I definitely know what you mean. Do them in order of what is due first but keep in mind that if an assignment isn't worth as much of your mark and you have another one due the next day you won't have time to cram it into one night. When worse comes to worse? Do all your assignments as well as you can in the time you have and work hardest on those that are worth the most. (Trust me...I know it's way easier said than done and Im struggling to do the same but handing things in is important, no matter how poor of a mark you get...actually there are lots of profs that refuse to pass a student who doesnt hand in all of their assignments) And...I'm starting to babble here so I'll just end this here but if ya wanna chat I'm always here
   
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Re: Uni- not what i wanted... - November 29th 2010, 10:53 PM

Yeah I get what you mean, they love setting us courseworks with identical deadlines, with exams on the same week, etc etc too. Just get cracking on it as soon as its set. nothing wrong with finishing it two weeks early.


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